Thursday, December 25, 2014

Private Life

It's December the years sand is running through my hands . I've fought so hard to not fail , to never fall apart . I have integrity and it's never repaid . I'm running in a maze where life wars with pain . 
Why did he walk away ? Why is there a cyst in my brain ? Why has this year been hard ? I pride myself on having all the answers , you know . I'm pretty smart when it comes to people , but today I have no answers . 
I'm climbing steps that are exhausting only to find myself on top of a ladder . 
I know I just need to pray and have faith . 
It's not a mid life crisis you see , it's just my life , I don't take it to seriously but then again , benchmarks do , 

Where do we go from here as tears stream down my face , writing to an audience wondering if you have ever felt the same . I know I'm not where I'm supposed to be , but I also know I've come so far , I'll get there some day 

4 Squares

There's a note left empty on the back door
I kept the t shirt and my hoodie that is left with your scent 
With all the umbrellas telling their stories in the rain 
I'm left alone in pain 
Your good bye a understated cliche 
And my smile you threw away 

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Endings

The year closes her eyes 
I tell you , the scars are hidden under miles of broken bones and inked arms . 

She ask's me 
How to begin again 
I tell her time heals most wounds 
As I filter out the hooks and jackets 
Ready to set out amoungst  the rain 

As I kiss him good bye one very last time 
As puddles form beneath her feet 
She Braves the storm again 

Monday, December 22, 2014

Pardons

Archived it says , a thousand secrets 
Inbox flashing empty 

Folders sit under wire rimmed glasses 
Where every smile meets and cars drive by round cemetery track 

Control alt delete 

Sleepless

When I think about it I feel sick and can't sleep ... 

Sunday, December 21, 2014

How to Know A Secret

This is the most real excerpt I will ever write . So pay very close attention . I want to say it because it's the most important life story I learned this year . I have thousands of readers here so I want to spill my guts ... 

This is a rare event I know . 

How do I explain it ? Mmmmm.... This just became difficult . I this year learned what true love is . There were no games , no lies ,  it just was . No worries of intentions , no who text or emails first . 
I'm telling you , listen closer ... 

When you open your heart to someone there is no bull shit . It just is , for good or 
Bad . You dig into each other and listen .  
Best friends ... 

If something is less than this , drop it . 
Period -2014

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Hydrogen

Smiles crease empty iris 
Crowds shed light on empty conversations 
Nothing is heard 
Talking with nothing said . 

The wall stands tall 
Holding hands through cracks 
I turn , no one looking back 
A mirror 
Just like that .... Disappears 

Friday, December 19, 2014

Current

There's a lost ship with no sein 
The current breaks her legs and she mourns 
There is no turning back the tide , you see 
No wind to fill the sail 
I'm washed amongst the sand 
Depleting an hour glass through bloody hands 

I watch the stars 
Making the wish one more time 


Tuesday, December 16, 2014

North

Justice stands in the middle of broken asphalt 
Tied to nothing yet anchored to tragedy 
Puddles stream on night pillows 
As she breathes you in to sleep 
Run to shelter - an empty room 
Locket tucked around my neck 

There's nothing any one can do now 
I can see for miles 
Scraped knees won't heal . 
Street signs pointing north . 

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Muse

She rustles through autumn leaves 
Watches them dying - falling to the floor 

Winter sets in , a quiet death 
A violent war - 
Arrows in the chest 
Only one breath left 
The snow is silent 
She can't wake up 

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Black Keys

Body lies in the road 
Flat line and needing a life line 
Her veins black 
Lips red
Snow falls 
Nothing remains 
Stepping through darkness 
Finding light ......

Monday, December 1, 2014

Parachutes

The counter offers my coffee cold 
Eyes lifting from the floor 
Looking to the crowd - strangers turn to water colors , I can't see a single one 

I can't lose the dream . Only lost when I sleep . 

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Shattered Sea

Caught a break at the shore 
Heart beats running low 
4 cords broken , and a necklace .... 

The loss of breath in a speechless memory 
Not knowing the time and what I lost 
The last moment you held me 

Caught under a tide 
Where you used to save me 

Circle

Abandoned by faith , I reach across finger tips left in the wind 
I wanted to carry you - 

A landslide of a world crumbles 
If I could have one more day 
When all the minutes are long gone 

Smoke settles I'm left alone 
I won't run 
I wanted to carry you 
Can I bend the wind 
For one more day 

Saturday, November 22, 2014

lucky Penny

Cost of a lost penny 
The one you held onto for so long 
Escaping through muted holes in my pocket , 

The rain is pouring out here 
I'm searching through the cold 
My knees bruised and the whole world washes away 

Sifting through the pain 
It's growing dark 
I'm lost 
 
I can't go home til I find it 
No where in sight .....


Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Awaken

I catch the sun light in a rusted window 
Warm embrace in this cold room 
Always raining inside 

Lying on the ground watching clouds pass by , 
I grasp the warm buttons of your smile 
Wrap it around me like a lost photograph found over and over again 

As the light passes , I beg her hero to come home . But these pictures are black 
And white . 

Waiting by the window 
To catch her sun 
Again 

Friday, November 14, 2014

Diary

I lie in bed , my mind races . I'm flooded with memories of a lost love , I'm flooded with the day's stress . Then I hear a movie playing in the back ground of my thoughts . It's the 1959 sleeping beauty . As the music plays my mind slows back to child hood . The movie is magical in its vintage innocence . All at once my daughter who is napping beside me puts her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my neck . She mutters in her sleep about how she loves me . All at once my mind is blank and stress leaves me ..... 

As the piano suit plays in the back ground . I fall asleep . 

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Her Letter

She can't sleep any more , she tries to erase it . She lays on her pillow and it floods her brain , she feels like it's slipping away like an hour glass with no sand ..... 

No end . 

Just lost in her memories of you . 

She knows he won't come back . 
But she has a fire in her heart that won't die . 
She is alright with that . 

But she has no rest .... 
No answer .... 
She just knows , for the first time in her life , what love feels like . 

Your in every song , decision , tear , and smile . 

She can't sleep anymore , 
She knew the last time she looked in his eyes would be the last , 
She stared at him for a while . Breaking into a hundred million peices inside . 
She held it in with a smile ......no one could see it , but you . You knew . 
You knew she truly loved you ...

Saturday, November 8, 2014

14th wish

Giving up a hollocaust 
Slitting my wrist to not feel this pain 
It's a tragic war , she whispers in the darkness of where your light used to shine 
She looks down , can't be a friend of time . 
I close brass button jacket
Slip on my glasses and hide behind black ink edges , burning like ashes 
Can you see the flames ? 
Left here alone , no ones to blame 

Soul is a ghost I sent with you 
With puffy red lips 

A heart 

A wish 

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Car sales and judgement

Today was a horrible day . I guess people really have a picture in their minds that car salesman are bad people . I sold Audi 's and guess what my store was honest . We would get fired for lying to our customers . My new job its relentless , they are so vicious towards me because they have this idea that I'm bad , because I sold cars ? Let's take this deeper ... Shall we ? First of all fuck you to the people who judge others .  There are bad people in any profession ,  no matter what .  I'm a nice , honest person .

I was told to quit today because I'm a car salesman ... So lesson is - don't judge others . And fuck everyone who does ...


Sunday, November 2, 2014

The Truth on Beauty

I've been taught my whole life in order to be loved or accepted I must be super thin , dress a certain way , be a certain way . Being taught that I was enough was never in the daily routine . I grew up with severe eating disorders and social anxiety . I bought into a lie . Thankfully I know now that it is a lie . 

I work out to be healthy and strong and acceptance based on beauty is not my focus but my integrity and my heart . 
I see so many people dying of eating disorders . Is it hard every day for me to believe I'm enough ? Yes . It's haunting .

I'm not saying not to care for yourself or be healthy because these are crucial to a healthy life and mind . 

What I am saying is , you are enough just the way you are in the mirror . I mean if you are not good enough for someone else than are they enough for you ? 
The answer is no . 

Let me tell you a story , years ago I was so weight obsessed I took every drug spent hours in gym every day and almost died . I found myself in a hospital and thought this is not worth my life . It was that day I chose to live . 

Lesson : do not compare your self to others . 
Do not talk negatively to yourself 
Do not find love of self in others . It's in you 

If you have an eating disorder get help . It will kill you . 

Be you be beautiful . Don't let anyone silence you . Be empowered . 

Thank you 
Amy 

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Post - tragic

There's a single smile set aside in time only meant for you , 
As I move to the train I see it coming 
I board and wave good bye . 

There is nothing I can do 
Love isn't enough to save the world 
I was looking to save yours 

I battled the war , not alone but apart 
And the station is empty 
So she boards alone 

Friday, October 31, 2014

Winter

The cold stains her fingers as she holds what's left of her heart
Sleeping under the stars captured in a necklace dangling in the snow

What she has left of wishes is fading in the cold winter
As she patches the broken mirror together she sees his reflection ....

Yet she can't reach him .

Saturday, October 25, 2014

The Crown

Blue stains the walls of her eyes 
Never leaving imprinted iris , a blooming heart photographing fingerprints on fragile soul stitched together 

Like shadows and untouched puzzles never knowing the picture only loving the color and the time spent together building kolidiscopes and sky scrapers 

May I write a fairy tale , where you rescue me ? 

The man in the puzzle is you and the girl you ask for is me , and you find that missing peice on the floor , 

And there you are looking back at me .

Friday, October 24, 2014

A dear diary

It's Friday night , there are two days left to leaving Audi . It's very emotional . For reasons that I'm saying good bye to much more than my job . I cried all the way home tonight . I don't do very many "dear diaries ". 

Transition - means : you see friends rise and you see friends fall . Also I feel him near me , I wish he would just write , but that's another story . 

There has been tremendous love and pain this year . The most extreme of both and so here I am alone on Friday night writing to all of you . I have made huge changes and I'm proud of myself . I don't feel them yet , but I've made them . I feel the hard part of change , but I know soon the reward will soon come . I have to be positive . Thank you to all my loved ones the ones who are here and proved to stand by my side ... Until next time 

Amy 

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Comings and Goings

History goes black 
ink spilled in elementary notes and unused grammar of I love you , destined for hearts asleep on pillows that could never imagine the tears that fall for you , 

On lined notebook scribbles , waiting at the store , empty inbox, filled to the brim is four chambers of your smile and everything I could give , 

Of your beauty , the beauty of your flaws, your home was in me , if I captured a moment , I would take one last picture to hold your smile again . 

There's no other love . as this pen runs dry 

Love Song

I'll never get used to losing you

Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Wake

I play  in the snow , keys stained by broken souls fallen on black and white porcelain ashes , foot steps crowd an empty dream as I wipe rusted drawn eyes 

It's left here in print with no proof of existence as the snow falls my brass buttons freeze , pink lips open in disbelief 

In the memory of this funeral procession
Of the final moment when I stood eye to eye  in front of you searching every moment 
To find one to grasp your heart so you would stay 
But you looked into my eyes
Then you looked away 

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Compromise

There's a cost to sitting out the war
Nothing gained , losing everything with out ever holding on 
Regret echos the empty drive and the smell of  rotting defeat as the glass sits empty 
For another night left to rusted chairs sitting in a cold bar 
Speaking so clearly , and it's to late 
Waisted gains 

To return tomorrow knowing you will come home wanting 

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Letting Go

It's that corner in the day , you live
I sit with you still , where I used to hold your hand 
Now I'm grasping your fingers 
Letting go is all of me , I'm screaming and begging for your ghost not to go 
A shadow of what remains , a vision that steals my soul , 

With you it was  real , I have to stop looking in your direction . Your not coming around and I know , 

The tears fall , as many as the miles you rest your head away and I can't , I sit here in the corner of the day , searching for your eyes , to tell me it will be all right 
Down to hands and fingers  , I look down and cry . 

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The Passing

Grace takes my hand , another dawn follows me in her sleep 
Still he is not here and the days remain hollow 
The light stands still at the end of the tunnel and all I have is fate and faith 
And a little girls dreams I hold onto with notes crumpled and old . 

I keep them in a safe box beneath my lungs locked away . Waiting for eternity's hoping for his return 

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Maybe another day

Negative space compiles over Picasso's best canvas torn down in a rage 
I converge to the road I drive aimless 
There's your eyes I center my gravity 
Nothing is everything lost now in broken days 
I wait at the door and nothing 
Faith sleeps with her mask on and I'm pounding down her door . Is anyone listening ?
I carry you in my smile , in the song and in every peice I give away and hold on to 
I can't seem to move . I can't seem to breathe you see . 
You are the lungs I used under the ocean 
The heart I used to find joy 
There is nothing apart from my day with out you 
As I let go I hold on , as I wait a little longer  

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Island

I've tried all the alleys and the roads 
Something is coming at a cost 
I just can't shake the way you broke me 
Hammered me down to the floor 

Tell me since your long gone how your the only one who found the way 
Through the maze 

Left me standing here 
It isn't right 

You stranded her here , at this private sea 
A cast away 
I'm dead with out you its just a matter of time and it's ok 

No one you see ever found it , 
Held my hand walked the distance 

As I sit here now alone watching the current 

Will it ever bring you back to me ? 

Because there's no way back with out you , 

I've never been here . 


Saturday, September 20, 2014

City lights

Composition of life extends her arms 
I ask her to talk 
She lights a cigarette , says honey I can't bring him back .... 
There's a hum to the city air it's cold and I'm Empty 
I walk under the lights , they whisper something about the night , I can't hear a word they say 
As I run out of breath I wonder where my home is .
And I write an obituary for the memories in my head , all the words I write never seem to be as great as the smile you left on my heart so I throw it in the trash instead 
I beg the stars to bring you back 
I beg this place I write for you to come home 
As I grieve 
As I walk these streets lost with out you 
There's nothing left I can do 
Nothing left to say 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Shadow

Tide comes in , steals the dawn from my broken hands 
The tears stream and their used for your benifit , 
I walk the places we have been , and it corners the thoughts in my head . 

I can't get away . As far as you ran , 
It's midnight and I'm trying to sleep 
 
I'm waiting 
No ones looking back at me . I can't sleep

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Snares

There's a broken sidewalk 
I trace the lines carefully , 

Cautious is the lions den 
Pacing back and forth for the lamb 
As he tries to pretend he is a King 
Crowns don't have to try to be made of gold 
As you come up a filthy penny . 


#enemies


Monday, September 8, 2014

Pages

I lay here on stage , 
Audience quiet , I hang my coat 
Toss the piano away . 

I'm alone , in a crowded room 

Remembering yesterday . 

Friday, September 5, 2014

Don't

Don't leave me here , I'm in love with an addiction , and I can't imagine this time while your gone , it's defeating me and she's in tears . 

There's a dream in the sky 
And only you could take me their 
Now I'm dancing alone in the night 
Dreaming you will meet me here 

So I wait in the dawn 
Across broken asphalt 
Watching for you to come and save me 

So listen here my love 

Don't leave me here . 

Monday, September 1, 2014

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Half Past Midnight

The record plays over and over 
Same song same good byes , 
The story should've never been 

Written that way - 

I sit with the endings , the fabric of torn sheets 
Fingerprints smudged as they walk out 
Away 
From 
Me 

There's a pillow I lie on 
Where my dreams are asleep 

It's not what I had written 
It blows away in an empty wind 

I run fast to replace it 
Nothing seems as real 

There's always the consequence 
To risking the last kiss , captured in every poem that followed to the moment 

I'm lead to believe there is an untold story 
Of chasing dreams 

If he asked , " I found my self breathing in your breath , the marrow of the heart that pounded in her chest , grasping for his soul to come clean , " 

As he 
Escaped 
From 
Me 

I'm left with the story 
Of an empty midnight street 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Windows

The path is broken limbs on winter roses 
Sullen , black and have record of coursing vains that imprint 
Foot steps in callused snow 

She grieves the dawn , so she loses sleep 
Knowing it's another day your gone 


Sunday, August 24, 2014

Paths

Gravity bends measuring the mirror 
There's a void an we run to the light 
Moths flickering about thier journey 

Stuck in the framed glass window 
Comfortable  by it's warmth 
Yet that is where they die 

There's an open door
I walk out of 
I breathe the air 
I'm alive 


Saturday, August 23, 2014

Walking The Line

Cash hands out a line about hurt 
An you know what I mean as the weeks trail on , 
Words crumble on paper as I type 
I can't find them , the lamp shade grows dim 
My mask hides a lions den 
I'm pacing waiting for the slaughter  

Only that it's dead winter , we know our fate 

I picture the dawn warm 
Every morning 

As this month closes 
Another book 
Another poem

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Vision

I run this race and see you beside me 
Every breath I lose 
You whisper a winning secret 
No one can see you but me 

I'm digging deeper 
The finish line is far 
I'm alone 
But yet you are with me 

Tears stream down my face 
And you tell me don't give up 

I barely made it today 
As I finish at the line 
Your eyes 
Your smile disapate
We will try again tomorrow 



Sunday, August 17, 2014

Wagers

There's a glory in faith when she looks upon you and smiles 
An all the hope we hide behind tired eyes 
Is alive and we are awakened by all that we ever dreamed of 

Risk wins battles as you sit in my shadows , I'm winning because of your purpose , if you could only see me now 

There's a moment when I'm still 
I realize your ghost is leading me into war 
It's all I've got left to hold on to 
My heart cracks more , I'm left heavy 
Standing in the crowds , with out you 
Alone . 

Faith raises her hands and tilts her head 
I told her I didn't believe her , 
As I now lie here alone . 

But what they don't understand that in this , I know that it's real . 


Thursday, August 14, 2014

Files

I trail beyond the surface 
Glitter falls in some fashion of funeral rain 
I begin to laugh like I'm insane 
Reality sets in , 
Of all that is and I scratch it with a needle and heroine switches up that conversation we had to sometime last May when you thought I was something , 

I can't take away your numbness 
It's something you have to wake up from. 
You can't use me for your excuses 
Your judgement is clouded , my shot has one blood IV injection straight to the heart 

Your dilated eyes see my intention 
Your running 
I'm guessing your not coming home tonight 

There's only so many bruises I can take 
I just wanted your bed to lie in 
A place to call home 

You wouldn't believe it if I painted it on your walls 
Would you ? 
It's you who should be doing the convincing . 

I'm not the martyr . 
I gave it my all . 

I wear your name on my heart framed lense 
You let me go like a watches hand 
Turning with out forgiveness 

You walk past . 
I wear my dress for you 
Do you notice ? 

But you walk on by 
Shaking hands with fear and pride 
Like everything's all right 

And then you leave with out even saying 
Good night 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Ladders

There's a cold road we travel 
Unhanded with brave smiles 
Wearing our proud hearts 
Wondering why we get thrown the stripes 
To breathe in their pain and let out a sigh 

Training to be a champion 
Missing it by the mile and I'm reminded 
As I lose sleep that no one is at her finish line 

Blood fills her eyes she grips the ropes 
Tells herself she can finish alone 

I handed out paper hearts 
Scissors and rocks in return 

I can do this I sing to myself 
I can finish this 
As they leave my side 

With every mile built in stone 
Every boy lost in sand 
I build a castle 
Watch the tide pass me by 
Haunted by ghost 

Of every good bye 

The winter won't forgive 
I wear a half cocked smile 
She knows I'll win the race 

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Story

There's a oneness about the atmosphere 
In a moment lost in your picture 
Removed from words that separate hands from I love you to good byes 

Lingering to the lost moment in between 
Tracing every step wondering how I could 
Get it back to change her back 

To ask her for the chance to live again 
For only a moment on your breath 
To ask your eyes the question 
If you had one last moment 
Would you give me one more minute 
Before you turned your head 
Did you even look back 
Did you ask yourself the question 

As I sat in bed wondering 

my heart layed on the floor beating 
As you walked down the hall bleeding 

Could you tell me ? 

Or was it easy 

I lay here now 
Not wounded 
Not in need of a simple needle and thread 

 But shattered and un mended 
As sure as I know you will not read this 
For if you could 
Surly you would answer 

Walk down back through the hall 
As I lay still in this bed broken 
Waiting 

As I'm left with your picture 
You need to finish the story 
Of a long lost love 

Who remains 
Separated 

I just need one more minute 

To convince you to never 
Leave again 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Composite

Words compile by time 
Read in order as you lay on my pillow 
I hear your voice 
Laughter echos the room , it's warm in your embrace I am safe 

The world rebuilds as you hold my grey 
Your eyes the ocean I longed to live in as a child 
I slept there at night 

I'm drawing your smile as it erases the lull of the day

As my inbox ends I'm reminded 
You are gone . 

Filing letters away one by one 

Monday, August 4, 2014

Dear Diary

Today was a rough day . I can't put my finger on the moment it all came crashing down for me . 

Maybe it was explaining how my Friday night blind date was a disaster to our receptionist , because my heart belonged to someone else. . 

Maybe it was the fact I work with some not so nice people , and he wasn't there today to cheer me on . 

Maybe it was that song , the way I remembered the way he made my day smile 

Maybe it was the drive with my tears streaming because he is gone 

Maybe 

Just maybe it's how it went down 

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Prints

Empty glasses , warm fingerprints still left 
To carry home the hand broken holding 
Her heart that was given back 

Contemplated against the walls of time 
Faith's watch stopped ticking 
Head dropping 

I warm my face in this winter 
Begging her for one last moment in his eyes 
Fingerprints begin to dry 
They run clouded from sorrows eyes 

The grave I carry with me now 
I can't resesitate . I walk along side me now of the person I used to be . 

The other gone , you carry her in your arms . 

There's a chapter I can't write 
A missing child , a missing light 

I sit at this table 
Faith pretends she can't hear my sorrow 
As I warm my breath on the glass 
To feel your hands again 

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Memorial

Rogues the kind that destroy the ship 
The kind that come out of no where 
In a cold night 

Destroying every wall 
Making it's way down every hall 
Drowning you and everything inside 

It's consuming 
How the night  and the water 
Sing my funeral 
I couldn't hide 
I knew it this time
I stood on the deck and let it take me 

I was bare 
The mass I built for years 
So strong and steady went down first 
Hand stitched the photographed memory 

The water was warm 
As I fell under neath 
Feeling all that was buried within 

The rogue was my seine
Dying to him 
To never live again the same 

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Thoughts

No I wouldn't call this a poem , I'm just a simple girl . Who hides her emotion . And it all came crashing down to a thousand poems and I was ready to show it all for one person , and he said no . Forgive me for being a little angry and maybe I can be understanding , but I am upset because so many questions go unanswered and I was brave . I risked everything , everything I never risked before in my life . For a love I never felt before . For him to hide to run . So forgive me for swearing to much this week , or scrounging for change for my rockstar because I'm not sleeping or sleeping to much . Or crying or not enough or being numb or angry or sad . 

Or playing my music to loud or driving to fast . Or hating you because you left me with no answers , and I'm left here to move on . 

But at least I know I risked it all . Everything , if you only knew how much I risked , what I went through , but you didn't ask , your not here . 

Makes it not worth it ? 
That makes me Angry ...

Now not only do I have to forgive you 
But I have to forgive myself too 

Monday, July 28, 2014

Negative space

I entered into a vast dream 
To try to escape the reality of losing you 
And there you sat on my couch 
I held you again under covers 
And I laughed with you.
I was there connected through time
And space , holding hands 
Vapors of smoke a marage
Of everything I couldn't understand 
Doors I couldn't open 
Words I didn't have to say 
A clock that's fingers never pointed
I sat there in the room when you weren't looking 
I watched you 
In the midst of the crowd 
I took you in
I swallowed you whole 
For all that my dream let me 
Then you got up 
I ran searching 
I searched 
Tears ran down my face 
I found you 
You hugged me so tight 
Said , you made a mistake letting me go 
Then I a woke 
Found my self alone ......

Sunday, July 27, 2014

My Letter To Him

Hidden Beauty - written by M.F.

The world is wearing a mask today
She's all dressed up in anxiety and paint
I'm sitting, waiting for the rain
To wash the mind away
And maybe in darkness there's a beauty
Maybe the kind that doesn't fade
And maybe with light comes the duty
To burn 'til the last eyes turn away
But my muse is hiding her face today
She's disguised in the tides that obey cruel fate
Who simply recede, with their fingers at the nape
Of her neck, I confess, there's something forgotten
Something long lost that
Still resides, right where we misplaced it
The sky echoes the sentiment
Thick and thunderous with discontent
Blindingly screaming at split-seconds
Where we trafficked our dreams across these sands
I was there when the fire was lit
Bare and waiting for you to notice
The space in this world where we might fit
A thousand poems into a moment unspoken
I'm still writing them
Still deciphering the impact
Where the sand is glassed and cratered
And charged with your scent
Where my heart was steady and sure
Even if my eyes couldn't see it
But the world is wearing a mask today
Something's somehow different
And I can feel the last few waves
Encroaching upon my skin
And I know in this night, there's beauty
I've tasted it, been regaled with tales
Of how so many have wasted it
I refuse to be the sum of them
Refuse to let the world sink in
I'll be the waves that crash on the rocks
Before I'll be the current running from them
I'll be the rain that frees you from the thought
That any dream should remain hidden
I'll wash away your mask today, show your face
That you'll know you never needed to go
And paint over it.

The I Can

There's a stack of books
Empty pages 
I read line for line 
Empty . 


It tells me everything . 
Run far , as far as you can tell 
I write the story behind your eyes 
As you stare from across the room 
I grab at everything in between 
In desperation 

I throw your library in a fire 
A concentration camp of anger 

Let me re write your story . 
As you kiss me 


This trail of gasoline 
It's everything 
To be afraid 
Of what they always said you couldn't be 


Let me show you the way 
I'll come a thousand miles 
As you stare from across the room 
With all the regrets and I'm sorry's 

Let's make it more 
Re write the story 
You were always meant to be 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Corners

There's words that fall through cracks 
And sounds that no one can find 
And a sheer panick of lost hope 

My stomach aches I feel empty inside 
There is nothing that can save me this time 

I can't love hard enough 
Or hope enough 
Or have faith 

I'm just lost 
With out a song 
No piano plays 

It's just silent 

Endings

He looked me in the eye 
Asked if I was going to cry 
It took everything in me 
Not to fall apart in his arms 
Beg him not to go 
But I knew he wanted to 
So I had to sit in dead silence 

The Great Loss

What can you say about loss 
Beating heart 
Streaming tears 
One love 
One life 
One instant 
Gone 
Death 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The Answer

Telegraphs are written through smiles 
Across cold rooms 
Becoming warm and emptied out places 
 
Made of fabric woven from memory 
Stretched beyond pain and fear 
It interferes with the picture we want to create 

So we wonder how do we cut that away 

There's a time table to death 
A millisecond until it all ends 
I refuse to live life in a coffin 
Every nail bent 
I can tell you the secret 
If you come close 

It's called equal value 

Back and forth 
Continually working at something 
If it's not equal 
Then find fifty plus fifty 
And it ain't ice cream 
If you know what I mean 

Code

I think a writers code 
Is written only for the elite 
Who can read the Braille of the soul of her pen 
And those who can comprehend her 
And seek her 
Get to sleep in the belly of her heart 

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Picasso

Writing mends broken beauty 
Like port holes into stained glass windows 

Making ashes to hearts again 
Setting fire to the past 
So let's breathe 

I walk on the water 
Trying not to drowned 
My enemies try to distract me 
Mocking me

I laugh 

There bellies full of guile 

My path may be unsure 
But I'm moving forward

I catch the first train 
To where ever holds my dreams 
If it isn't this 
It will be that 

But it goes on 

It's a canvas 
Life's drawn in 
Wish I could paint it in ahead 
Call me Picasso 
But I'm just the writer instead 

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Notes

Strangers pass 
Nodding morning gestures 
I congratulate them with a smile 
Every hello a tourniquet  
For today's wounds 

Friday, July 18, 2014

Chasing Alice

I found my self in wonderland 
Don't want my feet to hit the ground 
Is it real or is it pretend 
No turning back now 

There's a hallway I'm lost in 
Not a door to open 
Not a road to drive on 

I'm running still 
Hold my hand 
I'm upside down 
I'm falling apart 
I'm put together 


I'm sitting at the table 
There's no turning back now 

Hold my hand 

I'm lost 
I'm found 

I'll survive 
I hope your the door 
I climb in 
I hope your the bread 
makes me small 
And down we go 
To chase our dreams 

I found my self in wonderland 
Don't want my feet to hit the ground 
Come with me 

 

Station - love this poem not by me

Thursday, July 17, 2014

A moment

I want to be hidden in you 
Where only I can see 
A special place just for me 

I want you to be hidden in me 
Just for you 
Where only  you can see


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

The Hunt

There's a calm below the surface 
Everything is held together by needles and thread 
I walk amongst a busy crowd 
Yet she's alone and the world is quiet 

I hear them whispering my name 
Which way to go 
I keep moving forward 

I'm not here to convince you 
It's you who should be convincing me 
I'm not chasing the treasure chest 
There's a map 
And an X to the gold I acquire 

It's here for the taking 
If you 
Take it 

So I rest 
And wait 
For your voice 
And your words to bring me home 
To your arms 
And I ask you 
To save me with your smile 

Surprise me 
Hero 
With your devilish smile and your cape 

Monday, July 14, 2014

Xerox

There's the surface we climb on 
Speaking to without explaining 
There's us , just happening 
Like a whisper and a passer passing by 
Waiting for an on coming train
There's just a chance 
One chance 
I'm not a beggar 
I'm just asking you 
Not to say good bye
If anything 
It's your eyes 
Your words 
Your smile 
You 
Me 
Can't be copied 

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Grace

I thought about her today 
As cotton candy and peaches 

Conversation runs like Peter Pan 
And the wisdom of important chatter fills the room 

There's a smile in her that hugs my brokenness 
And her song puts my lost dreams to sleep 
Her breath breaks my skin 
And I want to save her from everything 

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Intent

There's a fabric between finger prints 
In the dark they lie quiet on your skin 
Scarlet letter drawn in black pen . 

There's a ghost 
Your shadow 
Keeps her alive when your gone . 

Pushing a smile above the surface 
Capturing her grace 

I'm fixated on this canvas 
He is the picture I can't finish . 

I've got every paint . 

There's something to a forest 
You get lost in 
I fall asleep in

It's midnight 

If I could feel it 
If I could hold it 
If I could paint my finger prints 
Down your spine 

Asleep in the fog 
Trying to finish what I started 
 
The date is going to expire 
As she's left on the shelf 

So I write this letter to myself 
Empty pen 

To hold 
Him again 

Secret

We're stretched out soldiers 
Running amongst the city 
I know your secret 
You don't have to tell me 
The tide is getting stronger 
To take me away 
From you 

What you want 
You have to reach for 

We're stretched out soldiers 
One word 
Makes all the difference 
No need to whisper 

Before I'm taken away 

If only .

Life piles on the sink 
Like old bills and cold coffee 

The radio plays telling me  a story 
Of a missed life 

I hum to the sound of regret 
And make believe things can change 

It's all I ever wanted 

Magic . 

Friday, July 11, 2014

Life lesson #100

Never believe what people say unless there words are based on results . If there's no results words mean nothing . 

- Amy 's wisdom for today 

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Atlas

Puzzles fall together on an atlas 
Some what shifted and unput together 

Cordanence is genuine 
It moves like a needle through skin 
Like being lost between here and a thousand oceans 

And a black hand shake good bye 
Grim reaper smiles at the funeral 
And she cries ... 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

White Flag

You gave me courage
I'm fighting 
But it's been so long 
Your not here 
I think it's time 
Let go 

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Collide-scope

Tides wash away pictures 
Painted on iris lense 
Distorting my sight , causing bruises 
The lining of my conciseness breaking the frame 

Words congest the mouth 
Not even hearing what is said 

I'm clouded in places where time is standing still . 

And I can't escape it 
I can't lose it 

I write every moment left on this letter 

Grasping at what's left 
Like sand in an hour glass 
Moving quickly yet 
Never fading 

It's under these lines 
Where you live 

I lay in my bed 
Distorted dreams 
I find your smile in 

It's midnight 
I can't sleep 
The band plays a symphony 

I'm writing these letters to you 
There's something to a theif 

Who holds my voice 
I am silent 

And she writes 

I can't hear a word they say 
I'm frozen in time 
Where you are still alive 
Under these lines 
You live 

Listening : nine inch nails ghost 1 -1 

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Saturday 7-5-2014

It's Saturday almost noon . It's warm outside , the dealership is cold . Cold in it's comings and goings . I'm sitting here on a plush brown leather chair , wishing I was laying on white sandy beach in Carlsbad . I also day dream about my lost love . An how I wish he would walk through these doors and give me a warm hug , and make my life back to where it was . Not that my life isn't good I'm moving forward , it's just different .
Different without my rock . 

So here I am sitting on this leather chair , watching the door ...

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Enemy Ground

The wicked hold there place 
I try my response in laughter 
You build kingdoms that fall 

I'm left standing 
I leave a message for the blind 
With a voice that binds 
Old pages and empty lines 

You wouldn't even hear her cries 
For it's the cry of the evil 
I bear 
And mend 

Anger meets me at the door 
I know these transgressions well 
Just because I know 
Dosent mean I'm the mat on your floor 

They say , " she's a stupid girl " 
I say , they seen nothin yet . 
Mock me. ? 
It's your trial and your jury 
Hanging your head on a rope 

Who will you call ? 

I leave now 
Mask off 
Door open 
Leave behind the guile 

I am an angel 
Amongst the hell and fire 
No matter how hard they try 
They can't beat me 

There anger my strength 
There hate my motivation 
I'm walking , with my smile on . 

The Real Race

In loss
In this loss 
I can't take another day 

Gripping steering wheel 
Music loud 
Can't let go 
I try 

I just 
Can't 

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Dear Diary

Next week I will begin a new journey , a new job . I'm pushing forward through a wave . All odds on my strength . I'm running full force , can't stop to think about this journey the past few months. . So much change . A lot of mending , and a whole new destiny . And holding on to hope and love , to get me through . 

Post War

There's a storm breaking 
I drive 
I'm suffocating 
You are the air 

I don't know how 
I don't know where I belong 
I'm lost 

The atmosphere now gone . 

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Disguised

Lend me your ears 
The beggars hold their cups 
I'm the walking dead 
A skeleton brittle boned fear 
There's a game 
Fuck you and your pretension
I am left to erase reality 
Filling the cracks with empty space 

I'm scratching at the surface 
Of the air you breathe 
I'm calling 
The world is listening 
It's my avenue 
Trudging dark streets 
A starless sky 
It's black 
As I carve my Braille words 
On your eyes .....

Lend me your ears 
I'm a travesty 

And the beggar holds his cup 
I spit on the ground 
You walk on by 
Tossing your change on the ground . 

Cost of War

There's a cost to war 
When your gun is warm 
Half dead and half won 
There's an army under my chest 
Medal constitution 
No regret 

The black clouds suggest going back 
But I have come to far 
In this bullet proof vest 

My eyes tell a story 
Poker face conversation 
And the piano is playing louder 
At all my mistakes 
I laugh at this soldier 
In the dark I need no compass 
To find the shore 

Swords dull 
I don't need much 
To win 
I'm still standing 

We're the willing and departing 
It's my ocean 
I'm brave 
I'm broken 
I'm writing from the hull 
Stronger than I ever was before 

You haunt me 
You haunt me 

There's a cost to war 
Gun is warm 
Half dead and half won 
We go on ....

Rain Fall

There's a masquerade 
Tempting fate 
Clutching cupids broken arrow 
There must be some mistake 
He says 

I'm worn by the storm 
I sit and feel the rain fall 

An it's all about to fall away 
I'm standing in front of the clouds 
Closing this door 
To yesterday 


Monday, June 30, 2014

Sea

Quiet the storm 
Lost in the oceans thunder 
Tossed like a small boat 
Lost my anchor 

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Lesson

I think the only lesson in life we have to remember is we just have to keep pushing on ... 

And the people worth loving will be there , the ones who aren't won't . 

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Where you left her

Divided amongst one 
Story of holding hands 
Just my heart 
Kneel beside me 
And Come home . 

Your letter , was like a stranger left 
With a blank stare .

And I don't want to write any more . 



Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Great Divide

There's a sacrifice for being brave 
For wearing that face 
Swallowing tears in a room full of strangers 

Everyone pulling at you 
No one 
No one 
Seeing you 

There's a gaurd at the gate 
Where your heart holds a vice 
And he knows your name 

There's nothing else that matters 
You look away 

There's a million things you wish you could say to change his mind 
But you know you can't 
So you stay silent and brave 

50 years

I feel you watching me 
As I lay here I feel safe still in your arms 
This is the silent war I'm waging 
You put the same uniform on 
And fight on too 

I can't help but wait 
But it won't be forever ...

There's something about the day 
And stale conversation that makes me 
Know exactly what it was all for 

I try to explain it 
When they don't understand it 
I know 
It's right 

I travel in crowds 
With out you I'm alone 
I lost my best friend 

If I wrote a love poem 
It would be about losing that 
My soul is the needle to your 
Unstitched thread 

If you never come back 
I'll manage 
But not whole as I once stood

you carry the best parts of me 
Where ever you are 
Where Ever you stand 

I was lucky just to know you 
Just to sit with you 

And you can read years and years back of everything I ever wrote 
That I never felt like this 

So you know it's real 
This might not be the most beautiful letter 
But it's the most true 
And it will be in 50 years .

Monday, June 23, 2014

2 D

Video reel plays 
Enough to translate a smile 
From your face 
Crowds walk by 

I notice the tone 
Of a lost voice fading 
From a computer screen 

30 days 

Weighs heavy 

Life in. 2 D 

Control 
Alt 
Delete 


Sunday, June 22, 2014

Empty

Tap type search 
Blank 

Stare 
Nothing tells me 
No answer 
I type feverishly 

Sit in this chair 

Russian roulette sounds nice 
A bottle of pills 
Reality sets in 
Google can't find my joy 
I delete old history 

Tapping 
Typing 
Nothing 

Saturday, June 21, 2014

The Coming

There's a collection of sunshine 
Under grey clouds 
Simple storms bring progress 

Around the bend 
There's a star waiting to impress you 
With your one last wish 
Before your last breath when your about to quit 

An all the while when memories flood your veins and over whelm your heart 
And nothing feels the same ... 

Remember the finger prints you left 
On yesterday 
Could bring back those hands 
On your face 
Of the clock you watch -day to day 



Friday, June 20, 2014

Clandestine

Clandestine 

Hollow out frame 
Making my way 
Raised eye brow 
Dialated pupil 
Empty mirror 

Shade 

Broken h2o
Exhausted pillow 

Pain 
Existence 
Heart 
Pounding 
Mourning 
Pressing 
On

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

1

I never knew it until it stared me in the face 
I couldn't even imagine it 
Write about it 
I laughed at it 
Mocked it 
Guarded it 
Spit on it 

A life time of wars conquered 
Vows made 
Lectures won . 

Until one day 
A girl was faced 
Eye to eye with a boy 
She was able to see into 
Every corner of his soul 

With out hesitation 
She reached for him . 
With out thinking 
With out looking back 

And he saw her too 
And reached back . 

And he left her 

Believing .

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Faith

Passing words carry keys 
To lanterns hanging on trees 
Lighting dark nights 
Illuminating whispers 
Inches apart over vast seas 

Stretching apart a good bye 
Proves he's not a coward 
Making  her love grow stronger 

A telephone made of silence 
Begs him to be hers 
He says I can't 
Tonight 

Rings

I crawl in the depths of enemies 
Grasping at my strength 
Clutching at my light 

I'm screaming 
I want to hide 
I'm at the finish line

Broken bones
I stand 
They reach for the power in me 
For everything 
They are lacking 

I look down 
And smile 
I know the price 
To be found - wanting



Monday, June 16, 2014

Close your eyes

I sit at a kings table 
I walk the distance dressed in scars 

Buried in risk 
Cloaked in mistakes 

I'm looking back 
Running forward as fast as I can 
I can't forget 

All the while my world seems to be falling apart 
And coming together 
I know how to do that to well 
Until you walked into my world 

I was guarded 
Only one song played 
The universe held my hands together 
Eyes shut 
Hearts played 

You kneeled beside my bed 
Gave me shelter 
I fell in your safety net 

Heros come at night 
Leave in the dawn 
Wear masks 
And capes 
Make you believe in fairy tales 

Hold my hand tight 
Left at first sign of light 

What I would give 
For one more 

I sit at a kings table 
Writing about a girl and her very first love 
And how she wishes this fairy tale was real 

If only she had one more night 
Kneel beside her bed 
Tell her it will be all right 


Sunday, June 15, 2014

Endless love

My first love 
Was everything all at once

The kind you never fall back from 
You never try to 
Never want to 

A love so big 
So strong 
It never dies 
It never fades 
It never loses it's electricity 
The kind of love you fight for 
The kind of boy you fight for 




Subways

Pace concrete 
Black streams private 
In dark places 

The secret tide 
I write chapters 
About the thief in the night 

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Once taken

Plagued with a new beginning 
Losing my heart 
Leaving it behind 
In the palm of your hand 

Know that you forever own it 
To never be given 
To 
Anyone again 

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Paper Cuts

I search through a crowded room 
A hundred faces empty 
I hear your voice 
You show me the door 

I crawl through a broken window frame 
I know you are waving good bye 
I want to scream no 

There is no choice 
I know 

I fought 
With all I had 

I walk backwards 
Through the crowd 
No one knows my name 

I watch you 
Drive away 

I think is there anything I can say 
To change your mind 

To make you stay ? 

I toss a penny in the wind 
I'm left here standing in the middle of the road with nothing left to bet 

If you can feel with me gone 
Then it's not worth me crying 
Is it 

The room is empty 
But I'll find my way 
Just not right now 

Monday, June 9, 2014

Repeat

I see the boy collecting fingerprints from a girl 
As they kiss over the warm pavement 
I see the newspaper black and cold pressed spreading disease 

I grab my coffee and watch the clouds warm the shadows over the mountain 
The music drifts into the back of some memory of you 
As I drive 

And it's all I think of 
As I put the song 
On repeat 

Friday, June 6, 2014

Aces

I'm playing poker 
Misplaced the ace 
Royal flush 

I could say how I lost my words 
They sit here bare boned 
Left to dry 

Hide my eyes 
I could say fuck you for your letter 
You felt you had to write 
No meaning in your good bye 

Transparent in my chair 
Left unhanded and cuffed to the unseen 
Waiting 

Do you remember 

Me 

I believe 

There are lines I can't write 
That I know belong in you 
And 
Me 

So fuck all this bull shit 

I throw the deck 
I search for you 
Unplugged 
And missing 
I find you here in me 

Slowly disappearing 

I'm waiting for the real answer 
In all these pages 
Yet nothing is coming to me 

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Brass knuckles

I'm white knuckling on the edge 
Of an atmosphere 
Time races by 
I hardly notice 
I swallow my tears in a room 

Full of Jekyll and hydes 

No thought here 
Blinking and talking 
In pattern like hand stitched 
To hell and fire 

I wake up with you 
I sleep with you 
I fight not to fall from this mountain 
I see what lies ahead 
I keep going -to live 
But I feel nothing with out you 

I turn pages and pages 
And write word after word 
I can't escape 
Searching for freedom 
At the same time 
I don't 
Want 
To 

Grasping 
With everything I have 
At the edge of this mountain 
Hanging by a thread 

An atmosphere trying to breathe 
With you 
Gone . 

Watching for the wish 
Of falling stars . 
That you will find this hand reaching 
As I sit on the ledge 
Find me here 
Save me 
Once 
Again

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Scripts

Metallic and unlisted I go on 
Under highway broken 
Cracked and unregistered 
You won't find me 
Amongst the heavens 
They try to catch me 
I'm a hundred leagues under the sea 
Where I started 

Under the smile of my friend the Cheshire Cat 
Madness fills my eyes 
Bad decisions fill the  emptiness of last night 
Washing yesterday's love off my heart 

It isn't working 
I'm strong 
Strong enough 
To lose 

When your not looking back 
At my notebook 
And this is my pen 
Writing you out 
As you wrote me out 

Wish it was that easy 
When you have no heart 
No heart 
They call it a disease 
I knew it well 
Until you walked into my world 
But I am strong enough 
I'm telling you 
I'm telling me 
I'm strong

Friday, May 30, 2014

Days

Her beauty in spades 
A princess hiding in a train 
Heading south 
So many tears she hides 
Behind framed glasses 
And lost secrets

The sky has a canvas I paint her 
With my eyes 

If I hope hard enough 
Can you feel her heart pounding ?
In your chest ? 

She returns home 
Pondering the next station 
I can't sit still 
I'll lose direction 
All these hallways lead 
To 
You 

I escape on this train 
As I write 
I listen to tori play her song 
I go about my day 
With demons and dragons 
Playing some silly symphony about 
Never being loved as a child 

They will walk my way 
But I don't see them 
They are the shadow 
I am the light 

No one can see a shadow any way 

50 years -For You

I feel you watching me 
As I lay here I feel safe still in your arms 
This is the silent war I'm waging 
You put the same uniform on 
And fight on too 

I can't help but wait 
But it won't be forever ...

There's something about the day 
And stale conversation that makes me 
Know exactly what it was all for 

I try to explain it 
When they don't understand it 
I know 
It's right 

I travel in crowds 
With out you I'm alone 
I lost my best friend 

If I wrote a love poem 
It would be about losing that 
My soul is the needle to your 
Unstitched thread 

If you never come back 
I'll manage 
But not whole as I once stood

you carry the best parts of me 
Where ever you are 
Where Ever you stand 

I was lucky just to know you 
Just to sit with you 

And you can read years and years back of everything I ever wrote 
That I never felt like this 

So you know it's real 
This might not be the most beautiful letter 
But it's the most true 
And it will be in 50 years .

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Dear diary

This is my last message to you .

I love you 

Please come back . 

You gave me a reason 

I'm lost with out you 


Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Excused - repost of mine an old favorite

I shutter in leather eyes lashes

Cuff me to black veins

Fool me into your prison

Cut me in your dungeon

I am the spy

Love me

In heart shaped locket

Keep me in your magazine article

Between news lines and spread

I am muted space


Between cherry red lipstick stains

Drawn in stitched panties

Made of lace.

Reach for me

Beyond wire rimmed lens

Dense imperfection

Music and conversation fades

I am beyond the crowds

In Contempt

Handcuffed to buttons

The way my smile creases your heart.




As I fade back into the distance

You smell me on your fingers.

Capes

I see you in a crowded room 
I toss my cigar 
Walk towards you 
You watch me 
Black garter dripping intention 
Fucking you with regret 
Loving every minute 
You grab me 
I make my escape 
The car awaits in the dark night 
We go for a ride 
You tell me something about lines spread 
Fingers pressed against my lips 
The road wet . 

The night hides our secrets 
I beg you 
Not 
To 
Leave 
Me
Faster 
I say

The road draws darker
I'm begging for more miles tonight 
Heart pounds 
Harder 
I woke up this morning 
You were no where in sight  

Red

My hands come up empty 
I'm searching every corner 
You whisper 
I can't hear you at all 

There's a hundred walls 
And a hundred reasons 
Rusted nails bruise time 
Inhabit dreams 
That we're there 

I am irritated 
I drink pills for water 
h20 eyes 
Form my words as I write 
As numb as I can breathe 
You aren't here tonight 

Are you listening ? 

I suppose you aren't 
Because there is no answer
I search for you 
In the hollows of empty cold dreams 
Once warm and inviting 

Now I'm left here 
Imagining 

Monday, May 26, 2014

My letter

Almost wrote you yesterday 
Music playing 
Tears streaming 

And then they said 
Move on ....

I read your letter today 
It reads like the winter cold and effortless

I lose my breath one last time 
I know their right 

I just know these words aren't right 
Maybe this is my letter 

And I'm angry 
I'm moving on 
I just know inside I shouldn't 
But  I am 
Your not here to prove me wrong 

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Trespassing

Red Baron becomes a lost shadow 
Amongst the angry sky 
Compass falls apart 
The radio is quiet ....
Small medal pieces left of home the last proof you were ever here 

No matter where I go I hear you 
Bringing her tears 

I sing a lullabie to sleep 
To keep you safe in my dreams 
10-4 and out 
Copy the heart left to the ground 
I pray you return 

Red Baron - stole my cape 
I'd give it all up 
To set the sky on fire again 

If you hear me 
From miles and miles of broken sky 
Everything I have is yours 

Tonight 

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Happy birthday to me

4 am 

Today is my birthday . What can I say . There are no major reflections I suppose like other years . I suppose that is a good thing . My goal is to just simply accomplish my goals this year . 

Sure I had a bench mark so far . Maybe not one I hoped for . But you can't take what's out of your control . I believe in fate and faith . I'm sure time hAs my name in her notebook and it will be my turn next. . 

Until then this year is about pushing forward and keeping my chin up . Always be who I am . 

True to myself , I've learned thAt in that there can be no regret . 

5/21/2014

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Stationary

Inbox blinks 
Check close repeat 

Empty 

Sigh cold night 

When you believe 
It's erased like control alt delete 

I'm drowning 
Cry where no one can see me 

Left with a canvas full of paint 
Where once lied grey 
There is a sein in my promise 
Now it's a scene with caution tape 

I drive alone 
Wondering where it is you go 

Somewhere lost behind me 

I'm left searching 

Saturday, May 17, 2014

14

Bruises line heart and beats
Like music that silently plays 
Because you are no longer listening 

I hate the cloudy days 
Nothing is the same 
The winter wears her coat 
As a spirit dies the night cries 
There's no mistake where I hide 

I am less a man with out her reason 
I am less the man with out her purpose 
Anchor cast ashore 

Tears make the tides 
As I watch you in the distance fade 
I lie and say I'm alright 

She walks the beach 
No hope no regret 
I would give anything 
To look into your eyes again 
I'm in a shallow grave 
You haunt every move I make 

And I

Can. No longer fight 
If you could only hear me tonight 

You changed my life 
If I could fight I would until I die 

Just to look into those eyes 

But you walked out of my life
I'm alone with the tide 

Thursday, May 15, 2014

A Way Back Home

2 am.


I can't sleep , where do I go . I keep writing and deleting lines that are as broken as I .Tell me where home is ? When you find it and lose it . I'm homeless . I'm not sorry I take risk I'm just sorry in the losing . Finding your smile and losing it requires me to go to sleep for a while Back to where I started

What can a writer say about losing heart . I find myself in a momentary shadow . That is desperately missing her light

Friday, May 9, 2014

What it is to be hidden

The piano plays her keys silent

in a room full of cold breathing dragons
I speak dutch , and my silent laughter fills the room

she says," Can you hear me ? "

I write in Braille on the walls fingers bleed
and they wear it all over their hearts .

As they smile at me. But they can't hear a word I say .
And My purpose is completed today.

I build bricks and buildings  for a living and there aint nothing beautiful about that.

If you can find the maze this little girl hides in I will  tell you

she wears pink lipstick and if it makes sense she will hold you

But don't try to get  in to those panties ........

There is a winter under the warm sun.

Under my coat is the black and white letter

And a red heart some where in the mail
I sent it off to the Dream King

But I'm not sure if he will sign for it

So I sit here and write instead.

I am sitting in this room
I am beginning to look like them
But what they don't know is I am Anastasia instead.




Not A Win or A gain - D&D

The devil is hunting me
Phantom of the opera watching me
In the darkness alone and understated

I sit in the audience
No one watching .

But you.

Will you re write this story
A beautiful chapter written so eloquently
of the tide that is rising?

I am drowning and out to sea

You see ?
The nail in the coffin fallen and I am about to be free

So tell me your story
The devil with angel wings
Play your song for me.
I know your listening

Dance with me.
I need the answers of all I cannot solve
Of the alleys I am homeless in
Of these lines Im lost in
Of a love I found
That will not take my hand

I am here alone

Tell me
How to win

The Devil in the Darkness
How do Angels Win.