Sunday, December 25, 2016


See past white linen sheet
Bare past sunlight
Drowning under water
I left the message their
In that bottle
Did you see it ?

I pause the dice black table
I fall in the lake
It's night and I'm cold

I'm lost
Under blankets bare alone
Did you hear me
Under water

It was so dark
I can't see you
Can't feel you

When I touch
You touch me

Saturday, December 24, 2016


Blue scatters like empty and lost footprints
Running down my buttons , turning my round eyes
Black , desperate in their attempt to find you -
Bring you home even if it's just tonight ,

There is a word for letting go
Like a hand torn away in the crowd
Like the child who lost his mother

The sky can't shine
With out the stars
Stars can't shine with out the sun .

a universe taken away
you are the stars
You are the sun
You are , you are .......

Blue scatters like marbles on the bath tub floor
I cry alone as the water falls .....
I sink slowly
Memories just a telegraph away
Saved .

Friday, December 16, 2016

Cold War

I almost died once , the only thing I needed to know was if you loved me . For me taking my last breath my heart wrenching in pain as I laid in the ER , my son crying next to me . Do you ever wonder what those people think ? At this moment I knew . What I always knew . We were like the movie big fish . One of my favorite movies . I wrote you that night in case I didn't wake up in the morning . I got no reply . This was last year today . Something that will always pain me . Twin flame I believe you are . Do you know what that is ? I try to let go but the deepest part of me holds on . Could you answer the question if you ever read this ? What does a soul do split in half I've never known what love can do until I felt the pain of your absence . Until I knew your presence . Your the king in this world full of fakes and pretenders . And no one loves me like you did .

Friday, December 9, 2016

Here We Go

It's 12 am . You think by now this would become a walk in the park , some. Tragic error I'm used to  the same old drill over and over . But as I watch my heart monitor once again go from 74 to 110 I know what's coming . Epilepsy sucks . I take my heart medicine it's not working . And im stuck wondering will I end up in the hospital tonight ? I don't want sympathy , it wouldn't even do epilepsy any good . Your alone in it . When it happens a fear strikes you , that can't be controlled . Will I die tonight ? Is all I will imagine . No one knows what it's like to feel that way unless you've almost died,that's the only way I can explain what a seizure is like . No cure . I only have mine at night . My days I try to fill with joy because my nights are full of terror . Maybe I'll get some sleep . Maybe I should blog more about epilepsy . So more people become aware .

Saturday, December 3, 2016


Slip my fingers past my agony
There's white cotton caution tape
And I'm breathing you in my dreams .......

Grab my neck
Soldiers are marching in the desert
The devil dances on my shoulder
I walk the streets with the stars

I leave you here
I leave you there ......

I'm all grown up
My lip sticks red
Follow all the rules
Forget about love they said .....

Meet the pretty rich boys at midnight
Let them use you up and spit you out instead .....

Kneeling on the ground
Soldiers fighting at half past 1
Faith calls your name

Life hurts you said
But we chose who hurts us
And my decision was made

Alone in my bed
He's all grown up
Love is in a box
Red lip stick on