Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Shattered Sea

Caught a break at the shore 
Heart beats running low 
4 cords broken , and a necklace .... 

The loss of breath in a speechless memory 
Not knowing the time and what I lost 
The last moment you held me 

Caught under a tide 
Where you used to save me 


Abandoned by faith , I reach across finger tips left in the wind 
I wanted to carry you - 

A landslide of a world crumbles 
If I could have one more day 
When all the minutes are long gone 

Smoke settles I'm left alone 
I won't run 
I wanted to carry you 
Can I bend the wind 
For one more day 

Saturday, November 22, 2014

lucky Penny

Cost of a lost penny 
The one you held onto for so long 
Escaping through muted holes in my pocket , 

The rain is pouring out here 
I'm searching through the cold 
My knees bruised and the whole world washes away 

Sifting through the pain 
It's growing dark 
I'm lost 
I can't go home til I find it 
No where in sight .....

Wednesday, November 19, 2014


I catch the sun light in a rusted window 
Warm embrace in this cold room 
Always raining inside 

Lying on the ground watching clouds pass by , 
I grasp the warm buttons of your smile 
Wrap it around me like a lost photograph found over and over again 

As the light passes , I beg her hero to come home . But these pictures are black 
And white . 

Waiting by the window 
To catch her sun 

Friday, November 14, 2014


I lie in bed , my mind races . I'm flooded with memories of a lost love , I'm flooded with the day's stress . Then I hear a movie playing in the back ground of my thoughts . It's the 1959 sleeping beauty . As the music plays my mind slows back to child hood . The movie is magical in its vintage innocence . All at once my daughter who is napping beside me puts her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my neck . She mutters in her sleep about how she loves me . All at once my mind is blank and stress leaves me ..... 

As the piano suit plays in the back ground . I fall asleep . 

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Her Letter

She can't sleep any more , she tries to erase it . She lays on her pillow and it floods her brain , she feels like it's slipping away like an hour glass with no sand ..... 

No end . 

Just lost in her memories of you . 

She knows he won't come back . 
But she has a fire in her heart that won't die . 
She is alright with that . 

But she has no rest .... 
No answer .... 
She just knows , for the first time in her life , what love feels like . 

Your in every song , decision , tear , and smile . 

She can't sleep anymore , 
She knew the last time she looked in his eyes would be the last , 
She stared at him for a while . Breaking into a hundred million peices inside . 
She held it in with a smile ......no one could see it , but you . You knew . 
You knew she truly loved you ...

Saturday, November 8, 2014

14th wish

Giving up a hollocaust 
Slitting my wrist to not feel this pain 
It's a tragic war , she whispers in the darkness of where your light used to shine 
She looks down , can't be a friend of time . 
I close brass button jacket
Slip on my glasses and hide behind black ink edges , burning like ashes 
Can you see the flames ? 
Left here alone , no ones to blame 

Soul is a ghost I sent with you 
With puffy red lips 

A heart 

A wish 

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Car sales and judgement

Today was a horrible day . I guess people really have a picture in their minds that car salesman are bad people . I sold Audi 's and guess what my store was honest . We would get fired for lying to our customers . My new job its relentless , they are so vicious towards me because they have this idea that I'm bad , because I sold cars ? Let's take this deeper ... Shall we ? First of all fuck you to the people who judge others .  There are bad people in any profession ,  no matter what .  I'm a nice , honest person .

I was told to quit today because I'm a car salesman ... So lesson is - don't judge others . And fuck everyone who does ...

Sunday, November 2, 2014

The Truth on Beauty

I've been taught my whole life in order to be loved or accepted I must be super thin , dress a certain way , be a certain way . Being taught that I was enough was never in the daily routine . I grew up with severe eating disorders and social anxiety . I bought into a lie . Thankfully I know now that it is a lie . 

I work out to be healthy and strong and acceptance based on beauty is not my focus but my integrity and my heart . 
I see so many people dying of eating disorders . Is it hard every day for me to believe I'm enough ? Yes . It's haunting .

I'm not saying not to care for yourself or be healthy because these are crucial to a healthy life and mind . 

What I am saying is , you are enough just the way you are in the mirror . I mean if you are not good enough for someone else than are they enough for you ? 
The answer is no . 

Let me tell you a story , years ago I was so weight obsessed I took every drug spent hours in gym every day and almost died . I found myself in a hospital and thought this is not worth my life . It was that day I chose to live . 

Lesson : do not compare your self to others . 
Do not talk negatively to yourself 
Do not find love of self in others . It's in you 

If you have an eating disorder get help . It will kill you . 

Be you be beautiful . Don't let anyone silence you . Be empowered . 

Thank you 

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Post - tragic

There's a single smile set aside in time only meant for you , 
As I move to the train I see it coming 
I board and wave good bye . 

There is nothing I can do 
Love isn't enough to save the world 
I was looking to save yours 

I battled the war , not alone but apart 
And the station is empty 
So she boards alone