I lie in bed , my mind races . I'm flooded with memories of a lost love , I'm flooded with the day's stress . Then I hear a movie playing in the back ground of my thoughts . It's the 1959 sleeping beauty . As the music plays my mind slows back to child hood . The movie is magical in its vintage innocence . All at once my daughter who is napping beside me puts her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my neck . She mutters in her sleep about how she loves me . All at once my mind is blank and stress leaves me .....
As the piano suit plays in the back ground . I fall asleep .
Today was a horrible day . I guess people really have a picture in their minds that car salesman are bad people . I sold Audi 's and guess what my store was honest . We would get fired for lying to our customers . My new job its relentless , they are so vicious towards me because they have this idea that I'm bad , because I sold cars ? Let's take this deeper ... Shall we ? First of all fuck you to the people who judge others . There are bad people in any profession , no matter what . I'm a nice , honest person .
I was told to quit today because I'm a car salesman ... So lesson is - don't judge others . And fuck everyone who does ...
I've been taught my whole life in order to be loved or accepted I must be super thin , dress a certain way , be a certain way . Being taught that I was enough was never in the daily routine . I grew up with severe eating disorders and social anxiety . I bought into a lie . Thankfully I know now that it is a lie .
I work out to be healthy and strong and acceptance based on beauty is not my focus but my integrity and my heart .
I see so many people dying of eating disorders . Is it hard every day for me to believe I'm enough ? Yes . It's haunting .
I'm not saying not to care for yourself or be healthy because these are crucial to a healthy life and mind .
What I am saying is , you are enough just the way you are in the mirror . I mean if you are not good enough for someone else than are they enough for you ?
The answer is no .
Let me tell you a story , years ago I was so weight obsessed I took every drug spent hours in gym every day and almost died . I found myself in a hospital and thought this is not worth my life . It was that day I chose to live .
Lesson : do not compare your self to others .
Do not talk negatively to yourself
Do not find love of self in others . It's in you
If you have an eating disorder get help . It will kill you .
Be you be beautiful . Don't let anyone silence you . Be empowered .