Painted Face

 Every day I go to work, get dressed up and pretend it’s all ok. On my days off I am tired and sad . You probably wouldn’t recognize me 

Sweat pants , no make up . Even though I know in my heart my mom will pull through it’s hard right . I’m alone. 

Today I called her phone and left a message since I can’t talk to her . I know she can’t get my message but I felt better . I love this job I make great money but lately it’s been slow 

My life has uncertainties and that’s hard . I put my best face on go to work and forget . 

Everything seems to be moving in slow motion 

How did we get here ? Things were going well 

Trust in God I say 

Trust in God 

Passes

 I caught my breath 

Standing on this ledge alone 

There’s not much to say 

Except / I am the world 

You can’t try to paint your colors on me 

But I am not your canvas . 

I am the one who walked through the fire 

I survived this . 

You can’t push me over this ledge 

Held together by your paper clips 

I’m needle and thread . 

I count my joy in the sky with every star that is shining . 

I can’t feel the numb of your presence 

Of the blind . 

I am my own canvas 

Yours black and white 

Carlsbad Village Drive and Vince

 This story isn't maybe what you think it might be. Carlsbad Village Drive is my favorite place to go . But that isn’t what this story is about either. Every time I go when I get off the freeway there is the same homeless man at the corner right there by the gas station every day . There is something special about him. First I noticed every morning he does daily exercises I also notice he quite older and dresses every day in his black leather jacket I wonder what in life got him there 

He could be a grandfather , a father , a son. He is a cute man who always wears pink sunglasses and as I drove by him every day I couldn’t take not knowing him or not helping him 

I stopped the other day to help him. My daughter and I brought him food his name is Vince. This story is about Vince

He was so polite and kind . I wish I had the money to give him a home. We stop to see Vince frequently most of the time he won’t take my money because he says I’m a single mom I mean seriously ? Vince you have no home !!! 

If anyone goes to Carlsbad Village gets off the 5 he is always by the gas station in a black leather jacket pink glasses and grey beard . Please help him . I only have so much to give 

Vince is amazing and I’m asking for help. Thank you 

True Miracle

 This isn’t an average story of tales or politics. It’s a story a personal story I need to share in light of what’s been going on and what I’ve come to know. Let me put in my head phones really quick and I will tell you. Last week a young man prayed over my seizures stating God wanted to heal me. Of course I said yes. God has healed many things in my life but this has been the biggest challenge, the scariest and most potential fatal health issue I have. He put his hands on my shoulders he began to pray . As he prayed God spoke to him about my back as well . He commanded my epilepsy to go and my spine to be alined. As he prayed at first I felt nothing but as he prayed I felt this over whelming sadness come from inside I began to cry . From deep within . It was more then the epilepsy God was upon us and those were buried wounds from a tired soldier. 

As he finished praying I looked up at him , his hands were covered in oil . Yep oil . Anointed from God himself. We were in the middle of an empty room . His hands were previously on my jacket . I knew we were anointed . 

If you don’t believe in God I’ve seen it for myself his wonders in so many things and I have a thousand stories. 

But the best is the stories I have from having a personal relationship with him. You can’t have a personal relationship with Jesus and harbor hatred . You can’t have one snd not have compassion for your enemies or the poor and most of all I’ve learned in your walk with Christ you cannot have fear. 

God Is love if you are not love God is not in you . His love cast out fear and hatred . I don’t know where my life is going but my life is in his hands.  People will try to control you or cause you to have fear . They are not walking with God or they would know his great power on your life . 

I just want to say seek God it doesn’t matter how the world is now something bigger is going on. Evil is at work . Be the good in this world . Seek God . He will never fail you . 

The Reason

 I think when you finally love someone in a way you couldn’t explain to someone else. The perfect love in that the relationship it’s self was far from perfect but the love was unconditional. I fought with more then what I ever had. I escaped barely alive. It didn’t work out but I sacrificed everything to make it work. It’s not the come and go love but it was the soul mate kind of love. Where you ultimately give everything of ones self even put all that you are aside for someone else. To love to forgive to die to yourself. 

To even lose them is beside the point. But I’m losing was a death in it’s self to spend time in mourning. It’s all of this is why I’m single. It’s all of this is why I wait on God for healing , for the next step, comes so cautiously. 

I grabbed my fathers hand ( Jesus ) told him I won’t let go and I promised Jesus I would trust him in guidance . You can’t replace a shattered soul with on line dating or just any come and go prospect . 

It’s up to the king of kings now.once you’ve gone through the pain , you learn to give your heart to God for protecting and it’s up to him now who gets it next or maybe it will stay with him but at least I know it’s safe: 

For now we are healing and chasing After Jesus. So even though I wish so much to be married or to have that void filled. I also know what it takes to fill it. So if someone ask why I’m single this is why , it’s up to Jesus . Because that’s where we’re at . Thank you Lord for grabbing my hand when I needed it the most . And being the man I needed and giving an orphan to love , and bringing her love when she had none 

Every Day

 Every Day . 

Did I leave you with the scent of my words 

The kind you can’t wash off your skin 

The ones you can’t un-see 

In this dim world the stars tip there hat 

Am I the light you secretly hold on too - 

Was I the lost weapon hidden under your drawers . 

I escape with lacerations - 

I escape on the mend . 

One thing is for sure 

I can’t let you forget 

Because every day remains the same 

Here you are on my ribs I see your name 

It’s the truth in blood 

Coursing through your veins 

Impossible to dis / spell 

When souls that are one 

Never - can be two. 

It’s the kind of pain you enjoy 

It’s the pain you hold on too 

Because it’s the only way 

I can’t lose 

You . 

-Amy Everett