Tuesday, July 29, 2014


No I wouldn't call this a poem , I'm just a simple girl . Who hides her emotion . And it all came crashing down to a thousand poems and I was ready to show it all for one person , and he said no . Forgive me for being a little angry and maybe I can be understanding , but I am upset because so many questions go unanswered and I was brave . I risked everything , everything I never risked before in my life . For a love I never felt before . For him to hide to run . So forgive me for swearing to much this week , or scrounging for change for my rockstar because I'm not sleeping or sleeping to much . Or crying or not enough or being numb or angry or sad . 

Or playing my music to loud or driving to fast . Or hating you because you left me with no answers , and I'm left here to move on . 

But at least I know I risked it all . Everything , if you only knew how much I risked , what I went through , but you didn't ask , your not here . 

Makes it not worth it ? 
That makes me Angry ...

Now not only do I have to forgive you 
But I have to forgive myself too 

Monday, July 28, 2014

Negative space

I entered into a vast dream 
To try to escape the reality of losing you 
And there you sat on my couch 
I held you again under covers 
And I laughed with you.
I was there connected through time
And space , holding hands 
Vapors of smoke a marage
Of everything I couldn't understand 
Doors I couldn't open 
Words I didn't have to say 
A clock that's fingers never pointed
I sat there in the room when you weren't looking 
I watched you 
In the midst of the crowd 
I took you in
I swallowed you whole 
For all that my dream let me 
Then you got up 
I ran searching 
I searched 
Tears ran down my face 
I found you 
You hugged me so tight 
Said , you made a mistake letting me go 
Then I a woke 
Found my self alone ......

Sunday, July 27, 2014

My Letter To Him

Hidden Beauty - written by M.F.

The world is wearing a mask today
She's all dressed up in anxiety and paint
I'm sitting, waiting for the rain
To wash the mind away
And maybe in darkness there's a beauty
Maybe the kind that doesn't fade
And maybe with light comes the duty
To burn 'til the last eyes turn away
But my muse is hiding her face today
She's disguised in the tides that obey cruel fate
Who simply recede, with their fingers at the nape
Of her neck, I confess, there's something forgotten
Something long lost that
Still resides, right where we misplaced it
The sky echoes the sentiment
Thick and thunderous with discontent
Blindingly screaming at split-seconds
Where we trafficked our dreams across these sands
I was there when the fire was lit
Bare and waiting for you to notice
The space in this world where we might fit
A thousand poems into a moment unspoken
I'm still writing them
Still deciphering the impact
Where the sand is glassed and cratered
And charged with your scent
Where my heart was steady and sure
Even if my eyes couldn't see it
But the world is wearing a mask today
Something's somehow different
And I can feel the last few waves
Encroaching upon my skin
And I know in this night, there's beauty
I've tasted it, been regaled with tales
Of how so many have wasted it
I refuse to be the sum of them
Refuse to let the world sink in
I'll be the waves that crash on the rocks
Before I'll be the current running from them
I'll be the rain that frees you from the thought
That any dream should remain hidden
I'll wash away your mask today, show your face
That you'll know you never needed to go
And paint over it.

The I Can

There's a stack of books
Empty pages 
I read line for line 
Empty . 

It tells me everything . 
Run far , as far as you can tell 
I write the story behind your eyes 
As you stare from across the room 
I grab at everything in between 
In desperation 

I throw your library in a fire 
A concentration camp of anger 

Let me re write your story . 
As you kiss me 

This trail of gasoline 
It's everything 
To be afraid 
Of what they always said you couldn't be 

Let me show you the way 
I'll come a thousand miles 
As you stare from across the room 
With all the regrets and I'm sorry's 

Let's make it more 
Re write the story 
You were always meant to be 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014


There's words that fall through cracks 
And sounds that no one can find 
And a sheer panick of lost hope 

My stomach aches I feel empty inside 
There is nothing that can save me this time 

I can't love hard enough 
Or hope enough 
Or have faith 

I'm just lost 
With out a song 
No piano plays 

It's just silent 


He looked me in the eye 
Asked if I was going to cry 
It took everything in me 
Not to fall apart in his arms 
Beg him not to go 
But I knew he wanted to 
So I had to sit in dead silence 

The Great Loss

What can you say about loss 
Beating heart 
Streaming tears 
One love 
One life 
One instant 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The Answer

Telegraphs are written through smiles 
Across cold rooms 
Becoming warm and emptied out places 
Made of fabric woven from memory 
Stretched beyond pain and fear 
It interferes with the picture we want to create 

So we wonder how do we cut that away 

There's a time table to death 
A millisecond until it all ends 
I refuse to live life in a coffin 
Every nail bent 
I can tell you the secret 
If you come close 

It's called equal value 

Back and forth 
Continually working at something 
If it's not equal 
Then find fifty plus fifty 
And it ain't ice cream 
If you know what I mean 


I think a writers code 
Is written only for the elite 
Who can read the Braille of the soul of her pen 
And those who can comprehend her 
And seek her 
Get to sleep in the belly of her heart 

Sunday, July 20, 2014


Writing mends broken beauty 
Like port holes into stained glass windows 

Making ashes to hearts again 
Setting fire to the past 
So let's breathe 

I walk on the water 
Trying not to drowned 
My enemies try to distract me 
Mocking me

I laugh 

There bellies full of guile 

My path may be unsure 
But I'm moving forward

I catch the first train 
To where ever holds my dreams 
If it isn't this 
It will be that 

But it goes on 

It's a canvas 
Life's drawn in 
Wish I could paint it in ahead 
Call me Picasso 
But I'm just the writer instead 

Saturday, July 19, 2014


Strangers pass 
Nodding morning gestures 
I congratulate them with a smile 
Every hello a tourniquet  
For today's wounds 

Friday, July 18, 2014

Chasing Alice

I found my self in wonderland 
Don't want my feet to hit the ground 
Is it real or is it pretend 
No turning back now 

There's a hallway I'm lost in 
Not a door to open 
Not a road to drive on 

I'm running still 
Hold my hand 
I'm upside down 
I'm falling apart 
I'm put together 

I'm sitting at the table 
There's no turning back now 

Hold my hand 

I'm lost 
I'm found 

I'll survive 
I hope your the door 
I climb in 
I hope your the bread 
makes me small 
And down we go 
To chase our dreams 

I found my self in wonderland 
Don't want my feet to hit the ground 
Come with me 


Station - love this poem not by me

Thursday, July 17, 2014

A moment

I want to be hidden in you 
Where only I can see 
A special place just for me 

I want you to be hidden in me 
Just for you 
Where only  you can see

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

The Hunt

There's a calm below the surface 
Everything is held together by needles and thread 
I walk amongst a busy crowd 
Yet she's alone and the world is quiet 

I hear them whispering my name 
Which way to go 
I keep moving forward 

I'm not here to convince you 
It's you who should be convincing me 
I'm not chasing the treasure chest 
There's a map 
And an X to the gold I acquire 

It's here for the taking 
If you 
Take it 

So I rest 
And wait 
For your voice 
And your words to bring me home 
To your arms 
And I ask you 
To save me with your smile 

Surprise me 
With your devilish smile and your cape 

Monday, July 14, 2014


There's the surface we climb on 
Speaking to without explaining 
There's us , just happening 
Like a whisper and a passer passing by 
Waiting for an on coming train
There's just a chance 
One chance 
I'm not a beggar 
I'm just asking you 
Not to say good bye
If anything 
It's your eyes 
Your words 
Your smile 
Can't be copied 

Sunday, July 13, 2014


I thought about her today 
As cotton candy and peaches 

Conversation runs like Peter Pan 
And the wisdom of important chatter fills the room 

There's a smile in her that hugs my brokenness 
And her song puts my lost dreams to sleep 
Her breath breaks my skin 
And I want to save her from everything 

Saturday, July 12, 2014


There's a fabric between finger prints 
In the dark they lie quiet on your skin 
Scarlet letter drawn in black pen . 

There's a ghost 
Your shadow 
Keeps her alive when your gone . 

Pushing a smile above the surface 
Capturing her grace 

I'm fixated on this canvas 
He is the picture I can't finish . 

I've got every paint . 

There's something to a forest 
You get lost in 
I fall asleep in

It's midnight 

If I could feel it 
If I could hold it 
If I could paint my finger prints 
Down your spine 

Asleep in the fog 
Trying to finish what I started 
The date is going to expire 
As she's left on the shelf 

So I write this letter to myself 
Empty pen 

To hold 
Him again 


We're stretched out soldiers 
Running amongst the city 
I know your secret 
You don't have to tell me 
The tide is getting stronger 
To take me away 
From you 

What you want 
You have to reach for 

We're stretched out soldiers 
One word 
Makes all the difference 
No need to whisper 

Before I'm taken away 

If only .

Life piles on the sink 
Like old bills and cold coffee 

The radio plays telling me  a story 
Of a missed life 

I hum to the sound of regret 
And make believe things can change 

It's all I ever wanted 

Magic . 

Friday, July 11, 2014

Life lesson #100

Never believe what people say unless there words are based on results . If there's no results words mean nothing . 

- Amy 's wisdom for today 

Wednesday, July 9, 2014


Puzzles fall together on an atlas 
Some what shifted and unput together 

Cordanence is genuine 
It moves like a needle through skin 
Like being lost between here and a thousand oceans 

And a black hand shake good bye 
Grim reaper smiles at the funeral 
And she cries ... 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

White Flag

You gave me courage
I'm fighting 
But it's been so long 
Your not here 
I think it's time 
Let go 

Sunday, July 6, 2014


Tides wash away pictures 
Painted on iris lense 
Distorting my sight , causing bruises 
The lining of my conciseness breaking the frame 

Words congest the mouth 
Not even hearing what is said 

I'm clouded in places where time is standing still . 

And I can't escape it 
I can't lose it 

I write every moment left on this letter 

Grasping at what's left 
Like sand in an hour glass 
Moving quickly yet 
Never fading 

It's under these lines 
Where you live 

I lay in my bed 
Distorted dreams 
I find your smile in 

It's midnight 
I can't sleep 
The band plays a symphony 

I'm writing these letters to you 
There's something to a theif 

Who holds my voice 
I am silent 

And she writes 

I can't hear a word they say 
I'm frozen in time 
Where you are still alive 
Under these lines 
You live 

Listening : nine inch nails ghost 1 -1 

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Saturday 7-5-2014

It's Saturday almost noon . It's warm outside , the dealership is cold . Cold in it's comings and goings . I'm sitting here on a plush brown leather chair , wishing I was laying on white sandy beach in Carlsbad . I also day dream about my lost love . An how I wish he would walk through these doors and give me a warm hug , and make my life back to where it was . Not that my life isn't good I'm moving forward , it's just different .
Different without my rock . 

So here I am sitting on this leather chair , watching the door ...

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Enemy Ground

The wicked hold there place 
I try my response in laughter 
You build kingdoms that fall 

I'm left standing 
I leave a message for the blind 
With a voice that binds 
Old pages and empty lines 

You wouldn't even hear her cries 
For it's the cry of the evil 
I bear 
And mend 

Anger meets me at the door 
I know these transgressions well 
Just because I know 
Dosent mean I'm the mat on your floor 

They say , " she's a stupid girl " 
I say , they seen nothin yet . 
Mock me. ? 
It's your trial and your jury 
Hanging your head on a rope 

Who will you call ? 

I leave now 
Mask off 
Door open 
Leave behind the guile 

I am an angel 
Amongst the hell and fire 
No matter how hard they try 
They can't beat me 

There anger my strength 
There hate my motivation 
I'm walking , with my smile on . 

The Real Race

In loss
In this loss 
I can't take another day 

Gripping steering wheel 
Music loud 
Can't let go 
I try 

I just 

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Dear Diary

Next week I will begin a new journey , a new job . I'm pushing forward through a wave . All odds on my strength . I'm running full force , can't stop to think about this journey the past few months. . So much change . A lot of mending , and a whole new destiny . And holding on to hope and love , to get me through . 

Post War

There's a storm breaking 
I drive 
I'm suffocating 
You are the air 

I don't know how 
I don't know where I belong 
I'm lost 

The atmosphere now gone . 

Tuesday, July 1, 2014


Lend me your ears 
The beggars hold their cups 
I'm the walking dead 
A skeleton brittle boned fear 
There's a game 
Fuck you and your pretension
I am left to erase reality 
Filling the cracks with empty space 

I'm scratching at the surface 
Of the air you breathe 
I'm calling 
The world is listening 
It's my avenue 
Trudging dark streets 
A starless sky 
It's black 
As I carve my Braille words 
On your eyes .....

Lend me your ears 
I'm a travesty 

And the beggar holds his cup 
I spit on the ground 
You walk on by 
Tossing your change on the ground . 

Cost of War

There's a cost to war 
When your gun is warm 
Half dead and half won 
There's an army under my chest 
Medal constitution 
No regret 

The black clouds suggest going back 
But I have come to far 
In this bullet proof vest 

My eyes tell a story 
Poker face conversation 
And the piano is playing louder 
At all my mistakes 
I laugh at this soldier 
In the dark I need no compass 
To find the shore 

Swords dull 
I don't need much 
To win 
I'm still standing 

We're the willing and departing 
It's my ocean 
I'm brave 
I'm broken 
I'm writing from the hull 
Stronger than I ever was before 

You haunt me 
You haunt me 

There's a cost to war 
Gun is warm 
Half dead and half won 
We go on ....

Rain Fall

There's a masquerade 
Tempting fate 
Clutching cupids broken arrow 
There must be some mistake 
He says 

I'm worn by the storm 
I sit and feel the rain fall 

An it's all about to fall away 
I'm standing in front of the clouds 
Closing this door 
To yesterday