Fossils

I don’t want to stay here 

I move forward in quicksand 

I’m tired and it’s hot outside 

Do you ever find yourself here 

I try to detach . Then your there 

In the parking lot , in the crowd 

In traffic . 

I see you in the window as I walk at night 

I feel like leaving but no matter what 

I’m there 

And so are you . 

Am I capable of ever not loving 

You . 

I live with this ghost 

It’s like the arrow of Cupid 

Took his last turn so here I am 

His last student 

Failing . As I sit here alone in the rain . 

Fuck this . 

There are no answers are there . 

I’m not even quite sure maybe I’m peter 

Peter Pan . 

I’m not capable of loving again . 

I wish I could be addicted to something 

Else besides 

Missing 

You . 

I lay here quietly 

Letting it all take me 

Watching the clock 

Wondering . 

How it got this way . 

Bucket List

Before I die I must accomplish


1. Getting married in Yosemite
2. Actually getting proposed to for first time
3.having house by ocean
4. Retiring in a forest
5. Going to England
6. Being super successful at a business
7. Doing mission trips

This is the most important things to do before I die .

The Blessing

I realize that the closer we get to God the more the enemy ( Satan ) will come after us. I noticed as I get closer to God closer to my blessings the armies have come in strides. I let it get me down last month . People stealing sales , no sales , it’s been rough not to mention all the other bad stuff has been crazy . The luck is so bad it’s become a known thing like wide spread . The enemy is out . It’s funny you know I’ve been through it , but I’ve never been closer to God then I am now . God called me to help save thousands my mentor said . How I asked God . This has been my focus . I remembered praying for my ex a year ago and God told me he needed to heal him and I needed God to let him do that he also told me to be prepared to be a missionary . A year later my mentor gave me the same word from God in prayer . She said thousands of people . I’m going to David’s Tent in Del Mar October 10. It’s 3 days of worship and it’s supposed to be a miracle time of healing I’m so there to let God use me !!! Let’s go Jesus . Gods power is big I think we forget about that . It’s so important to stay reading the Bible . This month I been reading Psalms. With the enemy coming against me and raigan it’s a great book in the Bible to read . God told me in my car a few days ago not to worry anymore I’ve been full of worry . I believe God has this . For the first time I believe he’s got this all of it . My broken heart , my job , my finances , my friends , family , loved ones . God is big Amen !

I’m 41 I told God I just want to settle down please . But God has called me to do his work right now
But I pray I don’t die alone . Here is me focusing on Jesus

Fini

I sit here on the edge of this canvas 

Most days it feels like a knife 

Cut through the wrist 

As I find my smile 

In the hope of tomorrow 

When will tomorrow come . 

It’s like that familiar song 

We play over and over 

I dream of the day as I contemplate

Suicide dreams 

As the crowd stares right through me . 

I can’t give up 

I can’t give in . 

Where does that leave me 

This is my life 

With one impression 

I’ve failed as I lie here alone counting 

Memories in the ceiling . 

So tell me as I cast my penny in the well 

Maybe there is one wish left for me 

As I turn the lights off 

And pray he comes home   

Shattering

I’m not sure 

I’m not sure . 

How can we be 

Only God knows . 

So I’m shattered 

And put together at the same time . 

Constantly moving forward 

But staying here at the same time can you blame me for staying 

Never had a love like this 

Can you blame me for leaving 

Never had pain like this 

Catch me here in this moment 

Your all that I search for 

Can’t try to forget you 

It’s impossible 

So I live with you right here under my heart 

Under my eyes 

I see you here . 

Can you blame me 

Do you see me too 

In the crowd . 

Holding you . 

I’m lost here in the future 

Sitting in the past 

Shattered 

Good Graces

Got nothing left to hold on to 

I suspect if I ended my time here 

Would anyone notice . 

I hand my heart on cards 

I am the ace . 

Please hold my hand 

They step away . 

It’s not really ever my turn is it 

The jokers love to have there way 

It’s not very funny 

As I stand here in pain . 

I’m invisible 

No beauty 

No one notices me 

Dying . 

It’s a shame really . 

What was it all for . 

I gave it away 

In return for nothing 

My hands are empty 

I never gave up 

I was the fighter they said . 

But really now I’ve got nothing left 

I can’t always be 

My own hero 

In my stories . 

If I was gone 

Would you be at my funeral . 

Would you listen then 

Would you look back and have regrets . 

Of all the time I spent giving 

When you gave nothing back . 

I’m not sure if this is how it’s supposed to go 

But I know how feeling invisible goes . 

And these lines are well spent . 

Pills

This is the price I pay 

For giving everything to

Someone who threw it all

Away 

I can’t write you a love letter 

It gets washed away with narcotic thoughts 

You couldn’t see the time I lost loving you 

Losing you 

Your stuck in your mirror 

I’m here paying the price 

But it’s the price I pay 

Of a lost life 

Dreams gone 

I scream alone 

No one hears m here 

Not even you 

Your thoughts erased by narcotic suicide 

As I pray 

I never deserved to lose you

You never deserved to lose your self 

Maybe one day you’ll leave the poison behind 

And you’ll realize 

But it’s the price I pay 

As I sit here alone