Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Rather there Than Here

Since I’m at work on a Wednesday at 10:30 am . I’m reminded of all the places I would rather be . I think my favorite places are so simple . Like Barnes and Noble Book Store . When I walk in the smell of books makes my soul happy . Knowing there are thoughts placed carefully on paper surrounding me to be discovered and read for hours 

Plus there’s coffee . 

I wish I owned a book store . The happiness would fill my heart every day

Also the ocean . Standing on the shoreline . The way the ocean air smells and brings a calm to your spirit . The way the sky meets the earth , I could just sit there and pretend it’s my bedroom and never leave . 

I could write poetry in my mind as I watch the waves climb the earth . 

Music . I write through music . Speak with music . Heal through music and love through music . I have an unhealthy obsession with music . With out it my world would be black . 

These are places I would go besides here where I am now at this moment in my boring job alone . 

Tuesday, March 20, 2018


Follow me Alice . 
I’ll show you a place where it isn’t broken 
These walls are not painted cracked to the ceiling . 
Follow me Alice . 
He left you here abandoned 
It’s dark . 

The windows are unclear 
And time does not move 
My watch isn’t moving !! 

Alice follow me . 
The roses are dying the sky is grey 
All the rainbows are missing . 

I can’t see . 
My heart is drifting . 
I feel you kissing me 
As you murdered me . 

Alice follow me . 
We are drowning 
Open casket funeral 
The music is playing 
The rain is falling 
We are running through 
Thorned gardens 
My knees are bleeding 

Take my hand ! 

Your crying 
No not crying 
Your weeping . 

Your heart 
It’s name is grief 

Don’t slow down now 
There swords are coming 
I can’t imagine how we got here 
We have to find the King . 

I’m screaming . 

I’m tired 
I’m tired of running 
Tired of dying 

And all of me is wounded 
The ship 
What happened to the ship ? 

Alice come ! 
We can do this . 

One more try . 
We have to make it . 

Friday, March 16, 2018


It’s dotted this line
Where you left your signature ...... 
no more lies . 

Rain sits outside my door 
As I mail you my heart 
You left on the road 

Two stamps 
Time stands still 
As the crowd passes me 

And I’m drowning in the bath 
I resurface drenched in tears 
In the night of hands clenching fingers 
Memory . 

As you held my neck 
Last kiss she said .

Forever you said . 

One bloody suicide 
Went December ..... 
as I stood alone in white . 

As you stood there once again 
Lied . 

It’s a fucked up kiss 
The one that lingers behind . 

The one you Long for late at night . 
You signed the dotted line 
Promised no 
Lies . 

I mailed you my heart 
You left on the road ...... 

I’m hitch hiking my only way home 
I’m drowning now 
Black tears . 

Did you feel the rain 
Did you feel my heart beating between your fingers ? 

Every step of the way 
Me . 

It’s the silence of the ocean we cherish 
As your name is scribed on my ribs 
There is no happy ending in this story 

Because this is a nightmare 
That haunts me at night . 

So here we go ..... 
two stamps 
And it’s Friday . 

Can you feel it now . 

Sunday, March 11, 2018

On My Way

My transgressions a crumbling path 
I’m searching for a way to go back 
In time . 

My thumbs up im walking this line 
Time does not exist in the mourning 
Your gone In the sunset . 

Left here like an arrow 
Like the one around my neck 

Matching direction 
Now has turned to two 

I lost my mind 
As tears pour down my face 
I hear the music playing 
As I’m left here alone in this rain 

Nothings black and white they say . 
As he lied straight faced. 

Here are my grievances 
As I walk this path alone today . 

The music it 
Fades . 

So what is the purpose of giving yourself away . She said . 

It’s a statement I ask myself every day 

Thumbs up 
It’s a broken road 

I left myself here 
In the rain . 

Saturday, March 10, 2018


I walk through a crowded street 
Head down . 

No one sees me 
I’m just a shadow on the wall . 
I’m an orphan . 
Never belonged 

I cried alone 
I don’t want to die 

I’m the buttons on your coat 
I’m the hands that keep you warm 

But yet I walk this room alone 
What’s the point of being lost but not forgotten .

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Princess Warrior

Today was an odd day in a good way . I also notice when I copy and paste my blog post my punctuation ends up in a different place , why you ask ? No idea 

Some days the past few weeks I cry myself to sleep . Some days I find my power and my value so I have peace 

Either way I’m in mourning and there is no way around it . When your with someone for a year , and it’s a hard relationship you end up investing all of you thinking it might save all of them 

But all of them does not take into account me . I tattooed his name on my side for the promise of forever I wanted to believe as he got sober and then relapsed and I had enough of the lies and broken promises . 

Here I am left with an investment that left me in the negative . Ultimately it was my fault . I should’ve left the moment I knew . I wanted to believe you loved us enough but it had nothing to do with us at all . 

Today I had a prayer meeting and God spoke to my friend about my healing . 
I needed to know God loved me and the abuse I endured as a kid left me with a distorted version of love and me not loving myself . 

I left feeling better and with some verses to the gym . And oddly enough my dearest friend and pastor was there at the gym . He welcomed me with a warm  hug and a promise to work out together . We known each other since we were kids . He’s a big black guy full of joy he reminds me of Cubba Gooding Jr looks and everything  , this brought a smile to my heart . After today I felt worn with some glimmer of hope and joy 

I know my ex is back in rehab . As a loving human I wish him the best . But he is not what is best for me . 

We will never speak again . All he did was lead me down a dark rabbit hole of lies and pain . 

But today seems a new story of hope 
I’m 39 , and I need my life to be different and amazing . I won’t let anyone in it who is not equally amazing . 

It’s a new journey I suppose . I know it will take time for this mourning to pass 
But love can’t fix everything we all have choices . 

I need to find someone who chooses me 
Because for the first time I’m choosing me too 

Tuesday, March 6, 2018


Did you know you were my hero 
A shadow I couldn’t live with out 
Like Peter Pan 
If only you could hold me at night . 

But taught me to fly . 
If I could write you a letter 
It would be the kind you find in the movies 
The one know one believes in . 

Your the stains on my sheets 
From the tears while your gone . 

Your the thief who stole my heart 
The moment I saw you . 

Tell me how do I win 
A hero in a cape and a mask 

I’ll save you back