Sunday, November 12, 2017

No Apology

I’m sorry if i didn’t meet your expectations of the perfect girl 

Didn’t you know the best part of me is how imperfect i can be . 

I’m a glasses girl with funny shaped lips 
And a big imagination 
I live in stories and who could pull me out 

Who could read between her lines and love her there 
Waiting in an ocean . 
Black eyes white panties waiting to escape 

Rip me into your beating heart 
Show me the darkest secrets where i can love . 

But didn’t you know I’m the girl in converse and a dress . 

You say , your not so pretty any more 
You say , you didn’t love me enough 

You never loved me whole 
I’m a cake that brings warm memories 
I’m a memory you never had before 
I’m a drop of rain you hold in the palm of your hand never to escape . 

Here i am alone writing stories . 
Who will understand me 
Have the strength to love me 

As i file them away 
I dream of winter 
And now you can’t take the best part of me . 

Like coated cotton candy 
And antique stores 
You’ll never find that flavor 

No one knows my name 

Tales Of A Librarian


I’m 39 and I see them every where , the post of couples and the guys putting there girl friends as there wcw . I’m over here knowing I’m to late . It’s to late for me . I won’t have a wedding , a proposal or even the ring . I’ve come to terms with this today . Maybe I’ll be a cat lady and live alone in Canada . Or drink coffee in Washington book stores alone as I watch the rain pour . I’ve accepted my single life fate . I guess I always wanted to know what it was like to have someone love me more than them self 

But I know God’s love for me . Right now that is enough . 

Thursday, November 2, 2017

2017 Round About

It’s November 2nd I’m sitting at Richies Diner with Raigan it’s early 9 am . This past 7 months have been hard . Almost exactly 7 months ago I posted very important goals I refuse to let 2017 to go out unnoticed . I will remain single I’m happy to remain single . I need to refocus on my heath, my God , my daughter and my finances . 

I’m emotionally burnt and I feel like I’m in ashes . I could blame someone for doing this to me but the truth is I allowed it . I need to Recenter . Why would I allow anyone to bring me to such a point when I’m valuable ? 

I need these last months of this year to really read my Bible , pray and figure out why 

This is where I’m at . Have you been in this place ? Of such pain ? Have you been dragged to your very own personal hell ? 

I been praying now more than ever . We have to make every day count , don’t ever waste your love on any one who throws it on the floor . 

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Atticts



It’s half past midnight 
The crows circle it’s cold 
You are not here 
You never were here 

It’s like a black and white ad 
A corner conversation 
One talking 
One turned his head 

She was left alone 
But it was all her fault he said . 

It reads clear 
Will you sit with me a while 
Just to hear me breathing 
I used to listen to your heart beating  
As you passed out every night 
As I laid alone 

No love . 

As I am 
Alone now 

It’s all my fault he said . 
I pushed him
Away 
He said . 

The crows come closer 
The piano bends 

Now
Nothing

Is
Said . 

Friday, October 27, 2017

Bank Accounts


It’s like that movie Wanted . Where he sits at his mediocre desk In his mediocre life , where his girlfriend is treating him like shit , his job isn’t what he dreamed about and where he lives is a total nightmare . He became his own worst enemy didn’t he ? When do we forget that we have the power to change our life ? Our thoughts , our attitudes . I made a lot of money and had the best body but I wasn’t that happy then either . It’s all about conquering the internal wars and finding peace within yourself . Only letting people rent space in your life who truly love you and support you . 

Most of all love you first . Or you’ll be the guy In the movie wanted where everyone walks on you , you settle for crap and forget why your here . 

Keep going I say . Keep fighting . And live your life don’t just survive it . 

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Breakaway




I was a painting in there story 
The kind every one wanted to touch 
I was the star they hung around there necks 

The one they chased they could never catch 

And to you / I was the peasant . 
A fallen rock on the cement . 

How do I go from color 
To black and white graffiti on your walls 

A smile I’m trying to find yesterday . 

The story I’m writing tells a tale of turning the page . 
A princess tossed in the trash . 

I will dust my self off 
Humiliated on this stage 

Light shines bright 
This story ends 

I’m once alone 
But not your peasant 
But a star 

Monday, October 23, 2017

Goals

It’s Monday , I’m off today it’s 8:54 am . I just laid in bed I need to do laundry and possibly make coffee . There is a lot on my mind . But for some reason through all of this I feel peace in my heart . 

Last night my friend asked for advice on her marriage I had no idea there was anything wrong . For 5 years she said they had not had sex . I spoke to her a while . She told me I should be a psychiatrist . I went to college to be one it made me think I should finish . 

I’m everyone’s stopping point for advice 
But I’m never following my own . 
If I could listen to my own self I wouldn’t put up with an ounce of what I have up until this moment . I would’ve said what were you thinking . You deserve to be treated so much better . Where are you Amy ? 

I’m so excited to find myself again to come out of the preverbal blankets and see that my future can be bright . 

God has a purpose to prosper me not to harm me . Why have I been harming myself ? 

I reminded myself on my walk with Raigan to school how important goal journals are . So I’m going to share it with you . 

Get a journal make a goal for physical 
Financial , spiritual and relationship . A 30 day goal for each one . Write the goal down to complete in 30 days . Every single day write down what you did to accomplish that goal ! 

In 30 days you will have accomplished those goals . You will feel better and be working for something and building dreams ! Do it , you won’t regret it . 

I told a friend of mine to do it , he ended up moving across the country he now works for a nfl football team . You never know where you will end up ! 

Change is powerful . God is powerful . Pray for strength and guidance . Get rid of everything bad in your life . Cling on to what is good . Did you know that the Bible says that Satan is the author of confusion ? 

If something is meant for you it should not be confusing . Gods purpose and his will is not confusing . Do what is right . Pick up your sword . 
  

Sent from my iPhone