You Are Not Alone

I came home last night to the lions den, as I cried in frustration my sister and my mom coldly yelled at me for being upset about my ex breaking my heart . Sorry I’m upset for being betrayed . There like you should be relieved and happy you found out now it’s just spilled milk . Ummm well let me just not have any feelings trust me I wish I didn’t . Throwing a future away and being betrayed hurts . I get to mourn that . I realize my ex used me like a wash rag , but that in its self hurts too .
It’s hurts so bad it melts through the cracks of my day like wax burning me from the inside out and I’m sure it will leave scars for the rest of life .

It’s not that I don’t see the value in myself , or God’s great power it’s that you lose someone you loved very very much . Don’t people get that ? I don’t care what they get it’s my grieving process .

God is in control not the cold world around me and I feel very alone . Alone in the sense no one gets it , so I’ll stick to praying and journaling .

I been trying to tell myself positive affirmations daily and through the day I read bible verses in the morning and on my lunch and I constantly pray . I know it’s a dark valley I’m in I’m walking through but I’ll come through the other side .

I hate feeling like I’m nothing and that no one gets it . Hi Amy so you went through all this you should be fine !!!’ It’s so messed up I’m not fine . I’m now alienated . It’s aweful .
To all the emotionally unavailable people out there it’s ok I have God and I pray long and hard on my commute to work every day there and back .

I’m not a victim I went through something . It’s like a death . Once you crumple and smash a paper no matter how much you try to straighten it out again it hurts and it will never be the same again .

I’m 40. I wanted this to last and be forever . I don’t want to hear you’ll find love again . I hate hearing that . Why can’t we have the things we put all our love and effort to . It’s just not fair and people are not well , and we can say be more careful but this is life and we love who we love .

So now I put all my energy into my kids my goals and God . I know I’ll make it . But this is the hardest part . And to anyone else in great pain you are not alone . 3 am can’t sleep .