Winter

My feelings have been intermittent like a patch of storms . Some days I’m numb this has caused me not to sell anything in 2 weeks . I’ve been number 1 for 5 months . Even though I was a mess before I guess having uncertainty was better then having certainty of the truth I have to now wear as some shameful badge on my heart , not as a victim no , just as disappointment . I realize grieving is ok and normal but I have to focus on my goals to be able to find my way through these days . I know winter will bring relief it’s my favorite time of year . I’ll be at my ultimate goals and so much this year will be accomplished that I never thought or dreamed of . Thank you Lord . I don’t know God’s plans but even in my pain I have to trust he knows what he’s doing in my life . My plastic surgeon said he can fix the botch job on my legs and do my boobs this is a blessing . I love my job and my kids are ok so I need to keep going . Keep trusting in Gods bigger picture . For the first time I’m completely reliant on him . I gave him everything even my heart . So let’s try to make the most of these blessings . And get through these torid months alone . And try to conquer the small things one by one .