Standing Still

Like a cry at the final breath that is drawn- 

The only way I can explain this blog and the pain I am going through and what special moment happened tonight . 

I was at work tonight , first off right now I’m listening to Hozier , Shrike play it while you read this it makes it all make better sense . So if you read my last blog you knew I ended up in tears at work feeling alone and tired and sad . Tonight something shifted . My friend was upset about her ex who is an active addict who keeps showing up at her door like a crazy person telling her he loves her and tells her to fuck off at the same time as she’s telling me this story , I’m thinking of how I just lost a loved one to the crazy world of addiction and all it entails . People are just not well . She’s telling me how she’s telling him she loved him but it’s no good . 

Then as I’m talking to her I look behind me I see my friend ( my guy friend ) crying . The same guy who told me I was a pussy last month for missing my ex and crying every day 
The same guy who never shows emotions , this model gorgeous guy in tears , I said what’s wrong ? He said I’m getting a divorce . I said don’t be a pussy . Then I said this advice does not work does it ? He said no . I said I have no answers . I just know I’m time we will feel better . He said something profound - he said but it will never be the same . All three of us stood together in a circle at work . Crying . I knew this was real love . People who hurt us were selfish . We loved them we knew life would not be the same with out them , but they found other people , took us for granted , when we fought wars for them . I realized pain has no prejudice on its victims we are all good looking good people . Caught up with selfish uncaring people all we wanted was for them to love us back . 

And he says but Amy it will never be the same . Breaks my heart . Because these people never gave us a second thought in hurting us and leaving while our lives are destroyed 

As we all stood there I realized at least we were not alone and we had each other 
Maybe the pain will last forever . I don’t know . All I know is I’m not alone in it