Today didn’t start out like any other , this morning I had to be up early to get Tank ready to meet his new family . In all honesty we didn’t want Tank to go our amazing love puppy . But September brought an unexpected turn of events , a break up which led to deep depression which led to a loss in sales which led to no income . I didn’t try to be sad I showed a happy face at work but I suppose I was not myself . Because my sales were always in the top 2 or 3 at most and I dropped to dead last, ouch ( proof love hurts ) as I tried to get my head back in the game my finances were falling apart . We decided to sell Tank . I figured also in moving we couldn’t bring Tank so it was best any way .
We met the new loving family , they called 3 hours later to tell me he was dead . You heard right . My healthy happy perfect dog dead in one car ride . I think I died inside today . I used the money to pay my bills and now I have to return there money at least half . But how did this happen ? It’s crazy . The day didn’t begin there everything happened today I don’t want to write about although it could or should make for a great story , but since I spent the day crying my eyes out I just can’t process my day . Raigan wanted to go to the pumpkin patch I took her . I watched her smile for a bit today it felt morbid in a way . All these rides in the middle of a chaotic world that makes no sense at all ....
As we stood there amongst the crowd and lights and the smell of pop corn I never felt so much sadness or felt so alone . For the first time in my life I felt more sadness then I think I could bear my year I was determined to end with a bang with my goals was a tragic loss . My dog was dead , my boyfriend was gone , and here we were .
Maybe I will finish my goals , maybe it will be ok . All I know is right now it’s not ok . And there is nothing in the world right now that can fix any of it .
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