Victim or Victory

Victim or Victory .

Cheers to this year .

I lost my job , my car , my dignity . Thought about ending my life my depression was so bad I mean could it get any worse then to watch everything you work for as a single mom be taken away . I lost the love of my life my soul mate I am not even sure to what exactly ? The world ? His mind ? Addiction ? To another woman ? I lost my dog . At one point I just couldn’t stop crying . I was so angry I could smash his face through a window , so angry I didn’t want to live any more . I decided you know we always make those stupid resolutions right . I just turned 40. I’ve lost everything I’ll be damned if I go out like this . My kids need me . I held onto God and said here is my heart take me out of this storm . I’m drowning ! No joke .... I’m drowning . The pain , the pain .....

God said let me show you the way - trust me . So I have . I’m learning to forgive the ones who hurt me . I’m learning to walk on water because Jesus my father holds my hands . But I’m doing it . Healing . Last night I felt victory . I am still sad . But victory through Christ in that in suffering I have peace that in all this he is leading me to a future with out harm .

I’ve lost weight , I’m crushing goals . I won’t let 2018 go down in flames I’ll wake up to 2019 better than I ever was before despite my trials despite my hardest year I’ve ever had . Thank you to my friends and mentors for your great love in this time of pain . I love you . And thank you God for my salvation and speaking to me every day.And sending me amazing people that give me strength .