Thoughts

No I wouldn't call this a poem , I'm just a simple girl . Who hides her emotion . And it all came crashing down to a thousand poems and I was ready to show it all for one person , and he said no . Forgive me for being a little angry and maybe I can be understanding , but I am upset because so many questions go unanswered and I was brave . I risked everything , everything I never risked before in my life . For a love I never felt before . For him to hide to run . So forgive me for swearing to much this week , or scrounging for change for my rockstar because I'm not sleeping or sleeping to much . Or crying or not enough or being numb or angry or sad . 

Or playing my music to loud or driving to fast . Or hating you because you left me with no answers , and I'm left here to move on . 

But at least I know I risked it all . Everything , if you only knew how much I risked , what I went through , but you didn't ask , your not here . 

Makes it not worth it ? 

That makes me Angry ...

Now not only do I have to forgive you 

But I have to forgive myself too 

Negative space

I entered into a vast dream 

To try to escape the reality of losing you 

And there you sat on my couch 

I held you again under covers 

And I laughed with you.

I was there connected through time

And space , holding hands 

Vapors of smoke a marage

Of everything I couldn't understand 

Doors I couldn't open 

Words I didn't have to say 

A clock that's fingers never pointed

I sat there in the room when you weren't looking 

I watched you 

In the midst of the crowd 

I took you in

I swallowed you whole 

For all that my dream let me 

Then you got up 

I ran searching 

I searched 

Tears ran down my face 

I found you 

You hugged me so tight 

Said , you made a mistake letting me go 

Then I a woke 

Found my self alone ......

My Letter To Him

Hidden Beauty - written by M.F.

The world is wearing a mask today

She's all dressed up in anxiety and paint

I'm sitting, waiting for the rain

To wash the mind away

And maybe in darkness there's a beauty

Maybe the kind that doesn't fade

And maybe with light comes the duty

To burn 'til the last eyes turn away

But my muse is hiding her face today

She's disguised in the tides that obey cruel fate

Who simply recede, with their fingers at the nape

Of her neck, I confess, there's something forgotten

Something long lost that

Still resides, right where we misplaced it

The sky echoes the sentiment

Thick and thunderous with discontent

Blindingly screaming at split-seconds

Where we trafficked our dreams across these sands

I was there when the fire was lit

Bare and waiting for you to notice

The space in this world where we might fit

A thousand poems into a moment unspoken

I'm still writing them

Still deciphering the impact

Where the sand is glassed and cratered

And charged with your scent

Where my heart was steady and sure

Even if my eyes couldn't see it

But the world is wearing a mask today

Something's somehow different

And I can feel the last few waves

Encroaching upon my skin

And I know in this night, there's beauty

I've tasted it, been regaled with tales

Of how so many have wasted it

I refuse to be the sum of them

Refuse to let the world sink in

I'll be the waves that crash on the rocks

Before I'll be the current running from them

I'll be the rain that frees you from the thought

That any dream should remain hidden

I'll wash away your mask today, show your face

That you'll know you never needed to go

And paint over it.

The I Can

There's a stack of books

Empty pages 

I read line for line 

Empty . 

It tells me everything . 

Run far , as far as you can tell 

I write the story behind your eyes 

As you stare from across the room 

I grab at everything in between 

In desperation 

I throw your library in a fire 

A concentration camp of anger 

Let me re write your story . 

As you kiss me 

This trail of gasoline 

It's everything 

To be afraid 

Of what they always said you couldn't be 

Let me show you the way 

I'll come a thousand miles 

As you stare from across the room 

With all the regrets and I'm sorry's 

Let's make it more 

Re write the story 

You were always meant to be 

Corners

There's words that fall through cracks 

And sounds that no one can find 

And a sheer panick of lost hope 

My stomach aches I feel empty inside 

There is nothing that can save me this time 

I can't love hard enough 

Or hope enough 

Or have faith 

I'm just lost 

With out a song 

No piano plays 

It's just silent 

Endings

He looked me in the eye 

Asked if I was going to cry 

It took everything in me 

Not to fall apart in his arms 

Beg him not to go 

But I knew he wanted to 

So I had to sit in dead silence 

The Great Loss

What can you say about loss 

Beating heart 

Streaming tears 

One love 

One life 

One instant 

Gone 

Death 

The Answer

Telegraphs are written through smiles 

Across cold rooms 

Becoming warm and emptied out places 

 

Made of fabric woven from memory 

Stretched beyond pain and fear 

It interferes with the picture we want to create 

So we wonder how do we cut that away 

There's a time table to death 

A millisecond until it all ends 

I refuse to live life in a coffin 

Every nail bent 

I can tell you the secret 

If you come close 

It's called equal value 

Back and forth 

Continually working at something 

If it's not equal 

Then find fifty plus fifty 

And it ain't ice cream 

If you know what I mean 

Code

I think a writers code 

Is written only for the elite 

Who can read the Braille of the soul of her pen 

And those who can comprehend her 

And seek her 

Get to sleep in the belly of her heart 

Picasso

Writing mends broken beauty 

Like port holes into stained glass windows 

Making ashes to hearts again 

Setting fire to the past 

So let's breathe 

I walk on the water 

Trying not to drowned 

My enemies try to distract me 

Mocking me

I laugh 

There bellies full of guile 

My path may be unsure 

But I'm moving forward

I catch the first train 

To where ever holds my dreams 

If it isn't this 

It will be that 

But it goes on 

It's a canvas 

Life's drawn in 

Wish I could paint it in ahead 

Call me Picasso 

But I'm just the writer instead 

Notes

Strangers pass 

Nodding morning gestures 

I congratulate them with a smile 

Every hello a tourniquet  

For today's wounds 

Chasing Alice

I found my self in wonderland 

Don't want my feet to hit the ground 

Is it real or is it pretend 

No turning back now 

There's a hallway I'm lost in 

Not a door to open 

Not a road to drive on 

I'm running still 

Hold my hand 

I'm upside down 

I'm falling apart 

I'm put together 

I'm sitting at the table 

There's no turning back now 

Hold my hand 

I'm lost 

I'm found 

I'll survive 

I hope your the door 

I climb in 

I hope your the bread 

makes me small 

And down we go 

To chase our dreams 

I found my self in wonderland 

Don't want my feet to hit the ground 

Come with me 

 

Station - love this poem not by me

A moment

I want to be hidden in you 

Where only I can see 

A special place just for me 

I want you to be hidden in me 

Just for you 

Where only  you can see

The Hunt

There's a calm below the surface 

Everything is held together by needles and thread 

I walk amongst a busy crowd 

Yet she's alone and the world is quiet 

I hear them whispering my name 

Which way to go 

I keep moving forward 

I'm not here to convince you 

It's you who should be convincing me 

I'm not chasing the treasure chest 

There's a map 

And an X to the gold I acquire 

It's here for the taking 

If you 

Take it 

So I rest 

And wait 

For your voice 

And your words to bring me home 

To your arms 

And I ask you 

To save me with your smile 

Surprise me 

Hero 

With your devilish smile and your cape 

Christina perri - arms

Xerox

There's the surface we climb on 

Speaking to without explaining 

There's us , just happening 

Like a whisper and a passer passing by 

Waiting for an on coming train

There's just a chance 

One chance 

I'm not a beggar 

I'm just asking you 

Not to say good bye

If anything 

It's your eyes 

Your words 

Your smile 

You 

Me 

Can't be copied 

Grace

I thought about her today 

As cotton candy and peaches 

Conversation runs like Peter Pan 

And the wisdom of important chatter fills the room 

There's a smile in her that hugs my brokenness 

And her song puts my lost dreams to sleep 

Her breath breaks my skin 

And I want to save her from everything 

Intent

There's a fabric between finger prints 

In the dark they lie quiet on your skin 

Scarlet letter drawn in black pen . 

There's a ghost 

Your shadow 

Keeps her alive when your gone . 

Pushing a smile above the surface 

Capturing her grace 

I'm fixated on this canvas 

He is the picture I can't finish . 

I've got every paint . 

There's something to a forest 

You get lost in 

I fall asleep in

It's midnight 

If I could feel it 

If I could hold it 

If I could paint my finger prints 

Down your spine 

Asleep in the fog 

Trying to finish what I started 

 

The date is going to expire 

As she's left on the shelf 

So I write this letter to myself 

Empty pen 

To hold 

Him again 

Secret

We're stretched out soldiers 

Running amongst the city 

I know your secret 

You don't have to tell me 

The tide is getting stronger 

To take me away 

From you 

What you want 

You have to reach for 

We're stretched out soldiers 

One word 

Makes all the difference 

No need to whisper 

Before I'm taken away 

If only .

Life piles on the sink 

Like old bills and cold coffee 

The radio plays telling me  a story 

Of a missed life 

I hum to the sound of regret 

And make believe things can change 

It's all I ever wanted 

Magic . 

Life lesson #100

Never believe what people say unless there words are based on results . If there's no results words mean nothing . 

- Amy 's wisdom for today 

Atlas

Puzzles fall together on an atlas 

Some what shifted and unput together 

Cordanence is genuine 

It moves like a needle through skin 

Like being lost between here and a thousand oceans 

And a black hand shake good bye 

Grim reaper smiles at the funeral 

And she cries ... 

White Flag

You gave me courage

I'm fighting 

But it's been so long 

Your not here 

I think it's time 

I 

Let go 

Collide-scope

Tides wash away pictures 

Painted on iris lense 

Distorting my sight , causing bruises 

The lining of my conciseness breaking the frame 

Words congest the mouth 

Not even hearing what is said 

I'm clouded in places where time is standing still . 

And I can't escape it 

I can't lose it 

I write every moment left on this letter 

Grasping at what's left 

Like sand in an hour glass 

Moving quickly yet 

Never fading 

It's under these lines 

Where you live 

I lay in my bed 

Distorted dreams 

I find your smile in 

It's midnight 

I can't sleep 

The band plays a symphony 

I'm writing these letters to you 

There's something to a theif 

Who holds my voice 

I am silent 

And she writes 

I can't hear a word they say 

I'm frozen in time 

Where you are still alive 

Under these lines 

You live 

Listening : nine inch nails ghost 1 -1 

Saturday 7-5-2014

It's Saturday almost noon . It's warm outside , the dealership is cold . Cold in it's comings and goings . I'm sitting here on a plush brown leather chair , wishing I was laying on white sandy beach in Carlsbad . I also day dream about my lost love . An how I wish he would walk through these doors and give me a warm hug , and make my life back to where it was . Not that my life isn't good I'm moving forward , it's just different .

Different without my rock . 

So here I am sitting on this leather chair , watching the door ...

Enemy Ground

The wicked hold there place 

I try my response in laughter 

You build kingdoms that fall 

I'm left standing 

I leave a message for the blind 

With a voice that binds 

Old pages and empty lines 

You wouldn't even hear her cries 

For it's the cry of the evil 

I bear 

And mend 

Anger meets me at the door 

I know these transgressions well 

Just because I know 

Dosent mean I'm the mat on your floor 

They say , " she's a stupid girl " 

I say , they seen nothin yet . 

Mock me. ? 

It's your trial and your jury 

Hanging your head on a rope 

Who will you call ? 

I leave now 

Mask off 

Door open 

Leave behind the guile 

I am an angel 

Amongst the hell and fire 

No matter how hard they try 

They can't beat me 

There anger my strength 

There hate my motivation 

I'm walking , with my smile on . 

The Real Race

In loss

In this loss 

I can't take another day 

Gripping steering wheel 

Music loud 

Can't let go 

I try 

I just 

Can't 

Dear Diary

Next week I will begin a new journey , a new job . I'm pushing forward through a wave . All odds on my strength . I'm running full force , can't stop to think about this journey the past few months. . So much change . A lot of mending , and a whole new destiny . And holding on to hope and love , to get me through . 

Post War

There's a storm breaking 

I drive 

I'm suffocating 

You are the air 

I don't know how 

I don't know where I belong 

I'm lost 

The atmosphere now gone . 

Disguised

Lend me your ears 

The beggars hold their cups 

I'm the walking dead 

A skeleton brittle boned fear 

There's a game 

Fuck you and your pretension

I am left to erase reality 

Filling the cracks with empty space 

I'm scratching at the surface 

Of the air you breathe 

I'm calling 

The world is listening 

It's my avenue 

Trudging dark streets 

A starless sky 

It's black 

As I carve my Braille words 

On your eyes .....

Lend me your ears 

I'm a travesty 

And the beggar holds his cup 

I spit on the ground 

You walk on by 

Tossing your change on the ground . 

Cost of War

There's a cost to war 

When your gun is warm 

Half dead and half won 

There's an army under my chest 

Medal constitution 

No regret 

The black clouds suggest going back 

But I have come to far 

In this bullet proof vest 

My eyes tell a story 

Poker face conversation 

And the piano is playing louder 

At all my mistakes 

I laugh at this soldier 

In the dark I need no compass 

To find the shore 

Swords dull 

I don't need much 

To win 

I'm still standing 

We're the willing and departing 

It's my ocean 

I'm brave 

I'm broken 

I'm writing from the hull 

Stronger than I ever was before 

You haunt me 

You haunt me 

There's a cost to war 

Gun is warm 

Half dead and half won 

We go on ....

Rain Fall

There's a masquerade 

Tempting fate 

Clutching cupids broken arrow 

There must be some mistake 

He says 

I'm worn by the storm 

I sit and feel the rain fall 

An it's all about to fall away 

I'm standing in front of the clouds 

Closing this door 

To yesterday