I follow Brittany Furlan . Tommy Lees fiancé . Why you ask ? Because she is pretty kick ass chick who is real and down to earth and not afraid to be herself . Love these kinds of woman . I read her blog today hit me like a ton of bricks because it hit so close to home . How being in a bad situation can cause you to doubt who you are . Because of someone else’s brokenness . People can do a lot of damage to us and we internalize it as we were not enough . But really it’s there issues . Patterns they need to break not breaking us . I went through this same thing or very simular situation and even though the story isn’t 100% the same it’s same patterns and it caused the same damage . The lesson in how things should and shouldn’t be are so night and day . I’m going to copy and paste her blog below it’s a beautiful story . Don’t let anyone make you believe your not enough . Because you should be eveything and more and they should never need anything else .

Here it goes :

Social Media & Dating

Today I’m going to talk about relationships, and the social media age and how it’s affecting so many relationships.

I dated a guy before Tommy who was addicted to stalking girls on social media. While he was dating me (and supposedly only me) he messaged tons of other girls on Instagram, using his “status” to try to get them to meet up with him. One time I caught him messaging a girl on Twitter when I activated his old phone. How did I get to that point? (I’ll get there) Was that right? Probably not, but after you’ve been through it so many times (as I had at that point) and you start to get that suspicious feeling, you kind of have to itch the scratch, even if you know it’s gonna hurt. I wish that one time that I checked his stuff, I never found anything, but every time I looked, there was something. It was awful. It made me feel not good enough for anyone, unlovable…it made me feel a sadness within myself that I’ve never felt before. Why wasn’t I enough? It took me a VERY long time to realize that it was his problem, not mine. After talking with other exes of his I found out this was just a pattern. But the damage was done. I became an insecure girl.

Originally posted by remanence-of-love

See, before that relationship I had never been cheated on, never been hurt; never dated someone who would hurt me. So it was such a shock to me to go through this. To become that insecure girl who had to check up on her boyfriend. It all started with me seeing what girls he was following. There were some “Instagram models” but I let that go. I let that go until one day I saw his dms. And saw he was messaging so many of them, blatantly hitting on them. I lost myself. I became this crazy, insecure, broken woman. I didn’t get why he didn’t just dump me? Security I suppose? If there are any guys out there reading this, and you’re doing that shit to a girl right now, just do her a favor and break up with her. No girl needs to deal with that

Now I’m only sharing that because I want to tell you how great my relationship is now, and how most relationships should be in this day and age if they want to survive this social media influenced world.

So here’s what we do- When I first started dating Tommy, obviously I was worried because he had this “bad boy” reputation. Everyone told me a guy like him would break my heart. So I went into the relationship very cautiously. I was worried about other girls, I was already scathed from my previous relationship and didn’t trust any guy. I would see girls text him, but he was very open about it. He told me straight out in the beginning that he was seeing other people. I understood because we had just met. Then after a week or so he decided he just wanted to see me. I told him everything I had been through before and that I couldn’t go through that again. And then he did something amazing, he took my thumb, and put it on his phone and said, “you can look at my phone whenever you want to. I will never hurt you.” I was like, what? Who is this guy? No guy would ever do this. So for the first few weeks, I saw a bunch of stuff from girls still trying to hang on, and we would laugh about it together. He showed and shared everything with me. And then eventually I just stopped checking. He made me feel so secure, and so safe, and so loved, that there is no need for me to look at anything. And honestly, I think that kind of trust is what will make you survive this social media age. If a guy has nothing to hide, he should have no problem with you looking at his phone whenever. It shouldn’t be a big deal. You should be able to pick up his phone just as you would pick up your phone. It’s just a stupid device. If there’s no secrets between you two then it shouldn’t be a problem.

Now, as for the issue girls have about their boyfriends, or husbands following a bunch of Instagram models, here’s what I have to say- I don’t think it’s appropriate for a guy to follow a girl or girls he doesn’t know that post a bunch of scantily clad images if he’s in a relationship. It’s just not cool. Because you’re clearly only looking at that page to get your jollies off, and you should be doing that with your significant other. I’m not saying to never look at another beautiful girl again, because that’s not possible, it’s human nature to observe beauty, but you should have respect for the person that you’re dating, and you should be liking them and their posts and not need this outer attraction. Also, if you want to get your jollies off, do it privately with porn or something. There’s no need to hurt people.

If you’re single guy, do whatever you want, but if you bring someone into your life, and you want to have a relationship with them, respect them. A Girl is like a flower in a field; if you’re going to pick it, then you need to take it home, put it in a vase, water it, admire it and take care of it. You don’t pick a flower out of the field, and then take it home and throw it on the counter to die.