Morning Drive

Every morning I leave for work . I put in punk music and then a heavy sadness and the reminder of him being gone starts to erode my morning . It’s a dark fog I can’t escape . How can I ? He is my love and he’s gone . I drive every morning this way for months now . I listen to music as tears stream down my face . I decided to make it my prayer time . It’s the kind of sadness that can take you down you know what I mean . Such a big loss you can’t stomach it . So I decided to pray . 

On my morning drives sometimes I weep , sometimes I question God , sometimes I beg God and sometimes I tell God I’m giving up . This is my reality . I’m sharing this with you because in my sorrow God has been teaching me something . 

Every time I get to the point where I’m so upset I can’t take it . Like I just can’t anymore . God reminds me of his miracles he can do in my life and what he is doing in my life . He shows me not to give up hope . 

He also tells me to walk in his power . I mean that’s pretty strong . I walk like I’m strong but it’s fake . I’m so sad it’s not even funny and no one knows or understands . Do you know what it’s like to abruptly lose the love of your life ? 

I’m sure I’m not alone . But no one can stop the pain . So here God is telling me to walk in “ His “ power . Wow . 

God is almighty . There is nothing God can’t do . In God’s power I can find joy in my sorrow because God will bring me a future of hope . God will work all this out . He will provide and be there for me and Raigan . 

God has the power to change all our lives . My love could be back in the future if it’s Gods will . These things I don’t know . All I know is I have to trust God in whatever happens . 

I dream about my future now . Dream about what it could be . God Is blessing us in so many ways even though I carry so much sorrow . 

But I’m holding Gods hand through this valley of hell im walking through 

I never thought in my life I could be so broken hearted . Or could have gone through so much . I don’t deserve it , I don’t understand it . But God is working I know this . That’s all I have right now to get me day to day honestly . 

I encourage anyone going through hard times to ask God to speak to you and he will . He will show you the way 

Now if only this terrible weather would go away . Good night everyone .