loss

It’s 9:30 pm not like any other night I suppose . It’s my day off and this could be a bench mark . As for goals I’m crushing those . If I look back from this time last year to now I’m a completely different person in a different place . I made it through a Great War . This is no joke . Last year I had no job I lost everything . I had a few months between jobs and I was in a severe depression I had great credit and things were good and then I lost everything . Even my car , my credit . I thought then why God was letting me go through such dark times . I was unhappy so unhappy .

I never gave up I kept going . I kept going through a terrible break up , I kept going through having no money . To now I lost everything . Here I am .

Crushing every goal . I’m thinner then I’ve been in 10 years . I love my new job , and things are going well .Its funny how we build our lives with our partner going through good and bad together , you know it’s going to last forever you build dreams together , then in an instant it’s gone .

I’m in such a fog I can’t see the fact that I’ve climbed Mount Everest I made it to the top and I’m brave . I’m strong and I did it . But I’m alone . With out you it’s not the same . I am left questioning everything . I can’t let go yet it hurts to much . Maybe it’s something I’ll always hold on to I don’t know . All I know is I’m on the mountain. I can’t stop moving forward I have to keep going . If someone does not value who I was to them , I have to keep moving somehow even if I’m crying even if I do it screaming .

Because you can’t control how others feel . You can only control what I can do
I don’t want to be that person I was last year .

This is the new me . If you don’t love me your loss . Even though it hurts like hell