The Next Mark

Maybe as we move forward and evolve the ones who stay the same stay behind us . We try to drag them with us because we love them we scream we cry we’re a bloody mess but in the end they are choosing to sit still . As we move forward we see the darkness close around them can’t they see it?

I think moving forward is hard not that I’m a victim but it’s acceptance. Acceptance to give up a dream I fought so hard for and believed in and lost . You know what I mean . We were so close.

I don’t know how to deal with the pain yet and that’s ok but what I do know is I’m pouring myself into other dreams right now to keep myself moving and staying focused on moving forward . I’ve learned this works for me . I’m fixing my credit , changing locations , my body is changing every day

 and next week I start with the best trainers around to really take myself to the whole next level. Sure these are outside things but I know my insides are different because I’m no longer settling to be treated poorly like before . I’m working every day to be closer to God trying hard not to sin. Trying to figure out what God wants and how to heal . This is where I’m at today. I’m sure 2019 will be about total healing process , moving , total over haul on my credit and I’ll be all I need for myself . When this happens I’ll be closer to more answers I won’t be as sad I hope . In this time of loss . I’m very aware of my feelings and where I am at . I just have to be patient in this process . I’ve matured as a woman and do not have room for bull shit . Just hard work of healing and working super hard on my goals . My head is down and I will persevere you know why ? Because I always do . I’m a great woman a strong woman .