Letter to You

It’s been a while hasn’t it . It’s friday night 6:30 pm . And I’m listening to Boxer - Mistaken For Steangers . I feel a deep drepression coursing through my veins like a poison rotting away at my joy
The weird thing is , I realize this is Love in its rare form . My boyfriend is away for a few weeks , and I miss him deeply . I don’t think I’ve eaten more than a meal in a week . I guess when someone you love is gone you realize some things . You realize who you don’t love and you realize how vulnerable you are that fear consumes you that you could lose them , he could forget me . Maybe this does not sound rational but our relationship has not been conventional . And I’m swallowing coal . Praying it’s gods will that we will survive any storm .

Maybe he fears the same things . Maybe he does not . I will not know for a while but what I do know is that it’s friday night . I’m writing all of you as you are all out partying and laughing and I’m in bed missing him . I’m hoping he’s missing me . And love this thing ain’t easy . But we can’t chose who we love but we chose to continue to love .

And I chose him . Maybe I’ll try to sleep these days away or find joy in my daughters smile or in prayer , or the fresh air . I mean I am alive and I have come to conclusions and some I have not .

The question now is how long can I go with out eating . How do I make the stress not kill me

- Agent Orange