Question

 It’s 1 am and I’m having a seizure. Seizures are scary and I’m alone . My daughter asleep in the next room . I just pray I’m ok every time. I hear people complain all the time but no one knows what it’s like to be a single mom and depend on myself , no one knows the fear I carry . 

I also sometimes have seizures and I’ll be at the hospital all night then I have to go to work to make sure I pay my bills . If it’s slow at work I can’t . 

I don’t have another income or a spouse . I don’t have credit cards I can fall back on . I’m 46 and tired . 

I have to be strong ALL of the time because there is no one to be strong for me . I have to always be ok even if I’m not because my daughter needs me . 

It’s 1 am right now , I’m sick with a cold plus I had a seizure and I have to work in the morning . 

I just pray for change , pray for healing . God is all I have to save me . 

Crashed

 

I am the sun that warms your face 

But you …. Stay cold even on sunny days . 

Rusted palms can’t seem to find home 

The real issue is , I loved you . But I don’t like sitting in the rain . 

It’s possible,  I’m your umbrella , but it can’t rain all the time . 

Maybe I wanted to be your savior and make wounds - scars … 

But you became the anchor . 

You broke my chest . When I wanted to be your rest ….. 

Now I’m a thousand miles away . 

I have no regrets . I just wished you realized you are more than what they left you with . 

2024

 I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions , I typically just go for what I want. I do know that I have dated one person in 6 years , and I have been fine not dating and being pure . I felt the past year God is going to send me a husband. Who ? I don’t know . I prayed for a specific person but it dosent seem to be going quite my way. 

In the mean time I’m continuing to focus on myself to being better so in the best version of myself for when he comes . Also my soul purpose these years I’ve made everything about my relationship with God and what he wants for my life and Raigan’s . That is what I will continue to do let him guide me . I know also I been helping the homeless I know I’m to do more so I will also focus on that this year !!! 

Let’s go 2024. 

Chances

 If you give it all , and they don’t want it , walk away 

You took your chance , you tried your best . But if someone can’t love you , you have to walk away