Anthems

Its 6:45 pm its Valentines . I’m at work alone it’s quiet . I hate this holiday for so many reasons one of them being , why not show this amount of love every day ? Two it’s alwats been cursed for me .

I spent my Valentines 3 years ago with someone I grew up with a Christian guy who proclaimed he had so much love to give me . As I drove to his house for our date after my 15 hour shift I found him so wasted he passed out ten min later . Never to be heard from again . Not even an apology . I mean who can we trust these days ? Last year I received an expensive bouquet of roses by someone who had money to spend because money didn’t matter not because I mattered . This year I’m alone because I was told I mattered but there was never an action to show that he cared at all . In fact he did eveything opposite and broke every promise . 

I can’t play the blame game . I mean why am I picking bad people ? Why am I doing all the caring while they do the taking ? One sided relationships are damaging and toxic 

I deserve to be someone’s queen , not the after thought . Maybe I should listen to my own motto I wrote years ago . I need to pick up my value in gold where they see me as pennies I need to let them go and run ! Who do they think they are.  ? Narcissism at its finest . I’m a pretty damn good catch 

Someone will realize it . But first the person I need to fall in love with is myself . And not let losers like these walk on me and make me cry . I’m not an option I’m a priority . 

Here is my anthem I wrote long ago words to live by : 

I am just a writer .... waiting for you.. to give me a reason to write.

Carpe Diem.... Life Is A Stage .. What is your part.. Live without regret..Live loudly..Wish Big...Always accept an invitation.. Always follow your dreams.. Always love like you've never been hurt before.. Always hold onto your Aces..Dance like you drank a little too much..Never let any one tell you who you are.. Always be who you are.. Never let any one yell at you and tell you it's all your fault ... We are here to be loved not misused , abused , or taken for granted.. Never forget to Pray because God never forgets you... I love Italian Food and I love to live dangerously.. I love scary movies and I want to go back packing ... My dream is to see castles in England and to find my prince who can give his heart whole heartedly... I love to write poetry , The ocean is my sanity , I love to smile.. I love my friends they're always there to catch me when I fall .. or when I've been pushed around.. I love my son Austin he is my hero.. My light at the end of every tunnel.. God is my passion he leads me through every dark night.. and every scary battle.. And here I am now.. Loving you ... Loving life for all that it has to give me.. Good and bad.. tears and smiles.. Nights of loneliness and some full of love... Lets all do this ride together.... Here we go... No Regrets..

My life is not lived in black and white , I don't regret that . People can judge me before they ever know me , I don't regret that either , that's their regret . I have my mistakes you have yours , we have our friends that chose to walk the path and not leave our sides , that's called family . I have family who does not walk with me , that's called strangers . I care about the people who won't need to write out the speech at my funeral , they'll speak it by heart - that's brotherhood ..... 

I like old Skool music and simple words that hold all their meanings because words mean everything . That's the only thing I take very seriously , other wise I hate rules and propaganda and any walls that try to hold me .... 

I hate circumstance and honour comes before my needs . That's just who I am . My kids saved my life as well as Jesus , they are the macaroni to my cheese - 

Shoot me if I love with my whole heart I just don't love every body - 

But I love the needy and I encompass empathy I hate hypocrisy . 

I love fun and sarcasm and challenges 

I'm smarter than I let on I just let you talk to much .

If you left me , you didn't know me and I'm probably better off - 

This concludes my story if you didn't know I love tori Amos and I write in historical codes in my poetry . If you can figure out Anastasia you may be smarter than me - 

- Agent Orange