Wreckage

It’s twisted debris on the road way 

Left in the wreckage 

Can’t believe I’m living 

I’m shaking 

I’m crying 

The clouds race above 

Like in the movies 

And you stopped Time 

As I hung up the phone 

I felt you in the ball of my throat 

Excuse me while I clear it quickly 

As I see you evaporate in smoke 

It’s a tragedy 

You chose . 

I was half in 

I was half out 

My seat belt was on . 

It’s some sort of fucked up beautiful suicide . The way love dies . 

It’s beauty and the beast 

The rose always In prisoned behind glass 

It’s a shame I’m writing this letter 

It means you are dead 

I walked away from the wreckage 

You were driving to fast 

Driving 

Under the influence 

We’re all buried there 

Between yellow lines and broken promises . 

Is where we will stay . 

A grave . 

It was your choice as I walk away 

I’m shaking 

I’m crying 

I’m in disbelief 

By : amy Everett 

Exit

Today I close my eyes and imagine driving through a forest on a cool day while Zack Hemsey plays Lost and Found . I’m in a super car a Lamborghini perhaps except I’m in the drivers seat. Will you be my passenger ? I’m on my way to no where and the mountain air brings me a peace I’ve never known before . I see you look at me and I smile 

All the nightmares of yesterday are erased they have no power in this place and here is where all demons die . 

I dream about this drive so many times 

Destination does it really matter . And everything that never loved me is left lost and left behind . 

A broken and shattered memory of what let me go and what I let sit in the dark room buried in the ocean . 

No one can find me here . Making dreams come true that matter and only taking with me , the ones who have loved me back . 

Ferenheight

It’s raining Alice .
The trees bend in sorrow like the lost smiles hiding under winters shadows .

I hold a hundred notes written in pen
Return to sender addressed to him
He couldn’t see it .

Alice drops face first
In April’s funeral .
I sit here screaming and I’ve lost my voice
He just couldn’t see me .

There’s just no use Alice .
God holds my tears in a casket
Under pillows and dark nights

I’ve made oceans
As I lie alone
Still an orphan to love .

I carved our initials in wood
You carved our initials in pen .

I traded my worth for scars
Only to be stranded and alone .

Alice where is it now we go .
I ask God for forgiveness
Should’ve cautioned all of this
With all the bruises and hand prints
He left on my eyes .

I’ll give you my star I wished on every night
I think she broke some how
Fell from this sky .

Alice make me strong again
Oh my dear you were all along .

At The Edge

What do you do when you find your self at a bridge you can’t find your way across .  A deep sadness that won’t quit and can’t be fixed . What do you do when your sitting at a funeral , there is nothing you can do to bring life ? 

I see another road . I just need to sit in this place for a while . I thought this was the way . 

I know now I was wrong . I traveled so far to get to this bridge , fought the unthinkable and barely survived the journey . All to figure out it’s not my path? ? 

I close my eyes and pretend it’s raining as my heart races . I’m lost in this jungle 

And 

I’m alone . 

I pray the hardest I’ve ever prayed . I ask why God ? I can only trust him and go the other way . 

I don’t understand wasting steps wasting love or time . If you invest everything  you have into something how does it simply not give back ? 

All I know now is pain . I’m an orphan to love . My knees are raw and bloody . 

I’m tired and filthy . And most of all I’m lost and alone . 

I’m brave yes . I risked everything yes . 

For what ? 

I’ll sit here at the edge of the world and watch this broken bridge that led to my future . 

I need rest . Wouldn’t it be nice to be loved . God show me your love let me feel your love . Heal me so I may continue on . 

Dear stalker

Dear Tony crespo

You are a stranger I had to call the police because you were harassing and stalking me I see that you check my blog obsessively . I can see eveything . The fact you check it all night long 16 times is crazy . I don’t know you I never did but you need to leave me alone .

Anthems

Its 6:45 pm its Valentines . I’m at work alone it’s quiet . I hate this holiday for so many reasons one of them being , why not show this amount of love every day ? Two it’s alwats been cursed for me .

I spent my Valentines 3 years ago with someone I grew up with a Christian guy who proclaimed he had so much love to give me . As I drove to his house for our date after my 15 hour shift I found him so wasted he passed out ten min later . Never to be heard from again . Not even an apology . I mean who can we trust these days ? Last year I received an expensive bouquet of roses by someone who had money to spend because money didn’t matter not because I mattered . This year I’m alone because I was told I mattered but there was never an action to show that he cared at all . In fact he did eveything opposite and broke every promise . 

I can’t play the blame game . I mean why am I picking bad people ? Why am I doing all the caring while they do the taking ? One sided relationships are damaging and toxic 

I deserve to be someone’s queen , not the after thought . Maybe I should listen to my own motto I wrote years ago . I need to pick up my value in gold where they see me as pennies I need to let them go and run ! Who do they think they are.  ? Narcissism at its finest . I’m a pretty damn good catch 

Someone will realize it . But first the person I need to fall in love with is myself . And not let losers like these walk on me and make me cry . I’m not an option I’m a priority . 

Here is my anthem I wrote long ago words to live by : 

I am just a writer .... waiting for you.. to give me a reason to write.

Carpe Diem.... Life Is A Stage .. What is your part.. Live without regret..Live loudly..Wish Big...Always accept an invitation.. Always follow your dreams.. Always love like you've never been hurt before.. Always hold onto your Aces..Dance like you drank a little too much..Never let any one tell you who you are.. Always be who you are.. Never let any one yell at you and tell you it's all your fault ... We are here to be loved not misused , abused , or taken for granted.. Never forget to Pray because God never forgets you... I love Italian Food and I love to live dangerously.. I love scary movies and I want to go back packing ... My dream is to see castles in England and to find my prince who can give his heart whole heartedly... I love to write poetry , The ocean is my sanity , I love to smile.. I love my friends they're always there to catch me when I fall .. or when I've been pushed around.. I love my son Austin he is my hero.. My light at the end of every tunnel.. God is my passion he leads me through every dark night.. and every scary battle.. And here I am now.. Loving you ... Loving life for all that it has to give me.. Good and bad.. tears and smiles.. Nights of loneliness and some full of love... Lets all do this ride together.... Here we go... No Regrets..

My life is not lived in black and white , I don't regret that . People can judge me before they ever know me , I don't regret that either , that's their regret . I have my mistakes you have yours , we have our friends that chose to walk the path and not leave our sides , that's called family . I have family who does not walk with me , that's called strangers . I care about the people who won't need to write out the speech at my funeral , they'll speak it by heart - that's brotherhood ..... 

I like old Skool music and simple words that hold all their meanings because words mean everything . That's the only thing I take very seriously , other wise I hate rules and propaganda and any walls that try to hold me .... 

I hate circumstance and honour comes before my needs . That's just who I am . My kids saved my life as well as Jesus , they are the macaroni to my cheese - 

Shoot me if I love with my whole heart I just don't love every body - 

But I love the needy and I encompass empathy I hate hypocrisy . 

I love fun and sarcasm and challenges 

I'm smarter than I let on I just let you talk to much .

If you left me , you didn't know me and I'm probably better off - 

This concludes my story if you didn't know I love tori Amos and I write in historical codes in my poetry . If you can figure out Anastasia you may be smarter than me - 

- Agent Orange

Black Petals

They say the rabbits watch is cracked
I been listening to his direction all along
He says Alice , don't cry .
It's the rain you know in your sky that rust all the knobs on your heart
And I am alone she says
As she waits on the storm
Am I the only one I asked the rabbit ? As I watch the roses wither in winter or did he know black is my favorite color .

I left notes along the path
You never read them
Just buried them in the snow
It's kind of like a heart attack
As I wait in my jacket invisible
He says your just a peasant
He never saw her crown
The rabbit mourns
I'm lost in the hallways -
I am found .

I no longer write for you
As you hide behind your mask .
It's half past 9 now
And my trail of I love you s are long lost and forgotten like yesterday's trash .

Alice your a beautiful mess
Red lip stick
Don't worry the rabbit says
Your beautiful like the sunset

Dating Your Husband

I wanted to share some advice my friend Katie shared with me over a year ago . It never made sense to me until it clicked 

She showed me this bible study on dating your husband . I wasn’t sure what that meant . What was Katie trying to tell me . As I watched this lady do her sermon it made sense but still even though I watched it a year ago I didn’t listen to the advice of this Sermon so I’m sharing it with you today . 

God wants us to treat ourselves to his standard . We are Gods temple . God says to find a husband who loves you like God loves the church . 

First we need to look how God loves the church . Unconditional love . Not just unconditional but sacrificial . What is sacrificial love ? When someone puts your needs first ? When they sacrifice there needs for yours ? 

Tell me what does your husband look like ? He loves you , makes you feel safe 

He has morals , he isn’t looking for other woman behind your back , he makes you feel loved , he loves the Lord . 

He is honest right . The list goes on . 

But what we find is that we are dating people who fall short , way short of the husband list . If this is the case your not serious about finding the man God has in store for you . 

Your just dating boys . 

And getting a lot of heart ache In return 

Date your husband ladies ! 

Or your just looking for pain . Ask yourself is the man your dating treating you as your future husband would ? 

Does he value you ? Honor you ? Sacrifice for you ? 

Or are you left feeling hurt and confused constantly . 

The Bible says Satan is author of confusion . If your with the man God sent for you , would you be confused ? 

Would this man let you be confused ? 

No . 

Be single . Pray and make God your first love then when the right time comes 

Your “ husband “ will come . 

I should’ve listened long ago now I’m left with so much pain . It’s my fault . 

I deleted all my social media to focus on God I’m doing nothing with out his words guiding me . 

Jeremiah 29:11 

For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord to prosper you not “ to harm “ 

You . 

Get it Gods promise is for us not to be harmed . 

Thank you 

Agent Orange 

Rules to live by

Today’s weather reminds me of Catalina island weather , cold and cloudy but no rain . Something about today’s clouds takes me back to this place . 

It’s Saturday at 3:42 pm . I’m at work and I’m freezing . My phone is at 12% but I wanted to give some sound advice 

Advice no one should break . Always chose people who will take care of your heart as carefully as you take care of there’s . 

If you put them first , and your just an option , lose them . If you listen to them do whatever it takes to bring them love but when your hurting they don’t care or they put you down this is emotionally unavailable person who will hurt you leave them . 

If you are constantly giving and they are taking for emotions for everything and it’s one sided leave . 

No your value , there is power in that . Take your beauty and all the love you have to offer and only give it to people who cherish you value you make you a priority love your heart never settle . 

If I could I would write this in blood and never doubt yourself . You know when someone isn’t treating you right . 

Walk away . They don’t love you or you would feel safe , not confused , not abused or hurting . This is not love friends . So love yourself . 

Surface Streets

It’s below the surface like an anchor 

Crying under the sea 

Like a dark alley begging for sun light

I’m fine on the outside . 

It’s the power of a smile when it’s raining inside 

You couldn’t ever know 

As it waits in the shadows 

I’m a tree carved with old initials 

Washed away by worn shoe laces and miles . 

I can barely make the message out

As the rainbow reflects new time 

And the hour glass moves her hands 

To applaud me for making all this last 

She said we’re still here 

Let’s make the most of this . 

I can’t look back . 

It’s a disease of the heart 

Blood runs blue . 

Don’t forget that .