Question

 It’s 1 am and I’m having a seizure. Seizures are scary and I’m alone . My daughter asleep in the next room . I just pray I’m ok every time. I hear people complain all the time but no one knows what it’s like to be a single mom and depend on myself , no one knows the fear I carry . 

I also sometimes have seizures and I’ll be at the hospital all night then I have to go to work to make sure I pay my bills . If it’s slow at work I can’t . 

I don’t have another income or a spouse . I don’t have credit cards I can fall back on . I’m 46 and tired . 

I have to be strong ALL of the time because there is no one to be strong for me . I have to always be ok even if I’m not because my daughter needs me . 

It’s 1 am right now , I’m sick with a cold plus I had a seizure and I have to work in the morning . 

I just pray for change , pray for healing . God is all I have to save me . 

Crashed

 

I am the sun that warms your face 

But you …. Stay cold even on sunny days . 

Rusted palms can’t seem to find home 

The real issue is , I loved you . But I don’t like sitting in the rain . 

It’s possible,  I’m your umbrella , but it can’t rain all the time . 

Maybe I wanted to be your savior and make wounds - scars … 

But you became the anchor . 

You broke my chest . When I wanted to be your rest ….. 

Now I’m a thousand miles away . 

I have no regrets . I just wished you realized you are more than what they left you with . 

2024

 I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions , I typically just go for what I want. I do know that I have dated one person in 6 years , and I have been fine not dating and being pure . I felt the past year God is going to send me a husband. Who ? I don’t know . I prayed for a specific person but it dosent seem to be going quite my way. 

In the mean time I’m continuing to focus on myself to being better so in the best version of myself for when he comes . Also my soul purpose these years I’ve made everything about my relationship with God and what he wants for my life and Raigan’s . That is what I will continue to do let him guide me . I know also I been helping the homeless I know I’m to do more so I will also focus on that this year !!! 

Let’s go 2024. 

Chances

 If you give it all , and they don’t want it , walk away 

You took your chance , you tried your best . But if someone can’t love you , you have to walk away 

U turn

 


You been there all along 
How is that you are not the one 
I’m a simple romantic 
Things never seem to make much sense 

But with you in this chaotic world I am 1 we are 2. 

So what now 
Is it now the road ends 

All these years 
You been 
The only one 

U turn - Amy Everett 

You been there all along

How is that you are not the one

I’m a simple romantic

Things never seem to make much sense

But with you in this chaotic world I am 1 we are 2.

So what now

Is it now the road ends

All these years

You been

The only one

And now I’m

Alone .

Where do I go from here

When nothing makes much sense And now I’m
Alone . 

Where do I go from here 
When nothing makes much sense 

 been there all along 
How is that you are not the one 
I’m a simple romantic 
Things never seem to make much sense 

But with you in this chaotic world I am 1 we are 2. 

So what now 
Is it now the road ends 

All these years 
You been 
The only one 

And now I’m
Alone . 

Where do I go from here 
When nothing makes much sense 

Misplaced

 In a world so certain I feel off these past few weeks, I feel a deep sorrow . I don’t know how to make it reside 

Except just trust in Gods plan for my life someone I love very much moved far away , the thought of never seeing them again has me really broken . 

I pray I can trust the path God has me on and to persevere in that joy . But I think it’s ok to mourn 

Maps

 Have you ever had directions for gps and when your driving the path is laid out before you. You are not certain what will happen along the way , but you can see the road. That’s been life. I been working and focusing on God and my daughter for the most part of this decade

Making it my entire purpose to be as close to Jesus as I possibly can. I haven’t really wanted anything else. 

All I could see was Jesus. The most past few months God has been saying I’m bringing you a husband. I have this vision of when you come to a destination or close it’s a circle of the area where you should be it’s so close. 

God literally said it’s like hearing footsteps coming down a hallway. So he opened my heart and I began to get excited . 

Who God , when ? I have people that I feel are my soul mates a strong connection for years . I would pray is it this person ? 

God is telling me to wait on him. I do know that the person will love God as much as I do. Sometimes we can love someone very much but maybe that person is saying I’m not your person . That has been really hard , sometimes I just break down and cry alone in my room 

As strong as I am every day, putting on a smiling face it’s not easy . It’s heartache. But I have faith . 

I’m here waiting 

For what it’s worth

 I’m in a waiting season . Not a long one I know but waiting. God has taught me to put him first. 

When your looking up at Jesus things are so much clearer. 

You might wonder why I’m writing about this it’s because I know there are many people in my circumstance ready to give up. 

I am waiting for the person who loves God as much as I do 

I am waiting for the person who loves me with every fiber of his being and can pray with me . 

I’m 45. God is saying don’t give up . I haven’t dated anyone. I’m only going to date with a purpose. I’m ready. 

Can you believe I’ve dated 1 person in 6 years.  

I know God is doing a work in my life. I don’t need to go out and hook up with men, or seek validation. 

I know I just need to wait on Jesus . 

Amen 

Burdens

 Satan really attacked me this past few weeks. Is that because a blessing is coming , I had a fallout with a friend that ultimately ended a friendship if you know me you know how forgiving I am so you can guess it was pretty bad . I was scammed out of every single penny I had saved for my Hawaii trip, food and bills. 

I was heavily disappointed by other things. I spent my day off praying out loud in my house. 

I am trusting in God to help me with my enemies, to help me get money I leave Monday and to just answer the questions that have been left undone . It’s a big leap of faith and positivity on my part . 

But really it’s all I have is Jesus . There’s nothing else 

Here I am on my knees waiting on you Lord in all this confusion and war may I keep the peace as you fight these battles and see me through 

Waiting

 

I’m 45, I’ve never had a wedding I never had a ring , I’ve been in the deepest love that brought me to the deepest parts of the ocean I almost drowned there . 

I know what it is to give all that I am for someone I also know that love isn’t always enough. I know that God has to come first , God has taught me so many lessons and I left everything to follow him I call it walking on water in faith 

God saved my life. I been single 6 years. I don’t want a 1 night stand I don’t want to date for fun, I want to date with a purpose . 

I never want to find myself in the ocean again. I’m waiting on God for the right person. About 3 weeks ago God pressed upon my heart that it would be soon. I can wait it will be worth it . God is first . 

I’ve always been an orphan to love,God taught me what true love looked like . 

When it comes it won’t be confusing 

I’ll know , I prayed for a specific sign 

I’m focused on Gods will sharing his word with the homeless and the lost 

Until then maybe soon he will send me the one.