Blueberry Pancakes

Maybe I wasn’t in the right place at the right time 

Alice said . 

As she has more bruises left 

She can’t seem to count them 

She can’t seem to keep track . 

Maybe if i could’ve saved him 

I would’ve saved myself . 

But where is my hero 

Thought Alice . 

Why didn’t anyone ever catch her from falling 

They never thought of that 

Isn’t that sad said the rabbit . 

As the joker says it’s awkward in this room 

And it’s getting hot 

I can’t sit still but only for a moment 

I must chase these dreams . 

No one is here chasing after me . 

Dear Alice. 

Puts on a brave face 

Sits on the type writer 

Crossing the I’s dotting the T’s of course 

And maybe he will come just in time 

Maybe time is over . 

As the clock rewinds I think it’s broken 

Alice where do we go from here 

Path

it’s 5:30 am on a Saturday . I need to go running I need to find a second job I need I need I need the stress can be over whelming . I just been praying . Seems I’m always working especially for my little girl but I can never get a head . I need a vacation . I remember when me and my ex boyfriend Jerry we used to talk about buying land in the mountains and retiring there one day . It made me cry on the way home thinking about it . How that dream is gone . It made my heart full to have those dreams. What I would give to live in the mountains on a lake when I’m old . I’m learning to live in the joy of the moment . Every moment as my friend Malia says . To trust in God’s good purpose for my future and try to focus on right now is where I’ll find joy and find the blessings in that .

Amen .

What I Thought I Knew

It’s 9:48 pm it’s Thursday I just got in to town stopped to get a frozen yogurt I’m alone this weekend as I am most weekends. My life is consumed with work and gym . I thought I would be married by now or driving home into the arms of the love of my life but instead I’ll go home to run . It’s not that I hate my life it’s just not what I expected . For some reason I know I’m where I’m supposed to be but I feel restless . I never was the girl who needed attention or love I’m independent . But I’m ready to settle down but God’s saying not yet ? Why ? I’m 41 I’m not getting younger .

I remember clearly at 8 years old sitting on the toilet wondering how cool my life would be at 30. But here I am at 41 with much to report but yet I still go home to an empty house . It just ain’t right .

I’m to old for this . Is being alone my destiny ?

The Heart

I sat there you know 

Trying to find the answer to bring you home . 

I gave you every single thing I had 

Until I became nothing . 

Yet you said I was the selfish one . 

I forgave you a hundred times 

Maybe when you’re  in the dark your blind 

I couldn’t keep doing this 

I will always write these lines . 

Nothing changes . 

I’m praying for a sign 

But nothing . 

I deserve a better life . 

I lay in my bed alone 

Night after night 

Days upon days pass by . 

I’ve changed everything

In my life 

Except for your side of the bed 

And I ..... 

Gave every thing I had . 

We all have choices 

You chose everything else instead 

When It’s Hard

Before marriage was the last thing on my mind I was happy the way things were. Now I long to be settled down to be content . I been alone so long. I’m not lonely per say I just want the end part of my life . I’ve road the hard roads the roads no one should have to battle I been through things you would only see on terrible movies or the nightly news , I deserve the ring I never got , the wedding I never got , the proposal I never got . Or someone actually loving me what a concept more then themselves.

I pick selfish people . Now it’s my turn for the first time to be selfish and say I deserve this. I lived to make everyone happy to be used and destroyed and left here with deep wounds. I don’t regret the relationship it’s made with God and how he himself saved my life but I’m ready now .

But now it’s his purpose . I can’t move with out Gods will for me . What does God want for my life now? What is the next step ? I need help God in this time for you to fill my heart with love for you to take care of me and Raigan in everything we don’t have .

Please make this year a year of blessings and joy I’m so tired Lord give me rest . And bless those who have harmed us . Save those who are lost .

Ropes

Ropes . 

If I’m the cause why am I alone 

The train station is empty 

It’s half past the time and I’m left here 

I’m wearing your sweat shirt 

Time is paused as life keeps pushing forward . 

I’m stuck here in the shade of this good bye 

It’s raining under these eyes 

Black is the day 

Black is the night . 

I wasn’t born to live this way 

I deserve to have someone by my side 

I’m here alone writing these rhymes 

I dream of another kind of life 

I won’t stand here paralyzed 

Not for long 

You get my drift 

I bought my ticket 

Not sure when the next train is comin 

You had so many chances 

I don’t deserve a life like this 

I know you know this 

I know as you read this 

We all make our choices 

One pill 

One bottle 

And I 

Packed my bags 

It’s way past the time between where I will go and where I been . 

Maybe we can love and let go . 

Maybe you can fight a little harder 

But I shouldn’t be the one writing this 

It’s all on the table 

Every morning I pray over and over 

I’m paused as life pushes us forward 

But I bought my ticket 

Time is a ticking 

Isn’t it 

As hearts are breaking 

I deserve more then this 

-Amy Everett

waiting’

When is it time to let go. Is everything we do a waste or do we plant seeds. I’m 41 I want to
Settle down and my soul mate is an addict who has not yet recovered. How do I move on? I know I may wait forever for someone who doesn’t even love them self much less love me. I have separated myself in hopes for answers from God himself and pray for what Is meant whatever that is. And to heal a broken heart that my ex never even saw or appreciated because addicts are selfish and put themselves first . I love him but he has made a choice not to be better for himself or me. If my dream is to be married I’m not getting any younger I need to heal from this .

I’m not dating at all just waiting on God

Hope In

I say hope is a catapillar 

Waiting to be something. 

But yet I throw so many years 

Praying for things to change 

Gave you all

Cried every day 

But you spit in my face ? 

Sometimes the world tells us lies on both shoulders 

Why are you willing to listen 

I gave you it all 

Now I’m numb from the heart down 

Just trying to

Survive with you gone 

But you would rather do nothin 

 I say hope is a catapillar 

Waiting for her wings to open 

But I’m dying from your poison 

You would rather sit and do nothing 

I’m

Sitting

Here 

Waitin 

And when I find you 

You spit in my face 

As my arms are open . 

What was it all for . 

The world lies to us on both shoulders 

But you chose to

Accept it . 

I gave you everything

In return for your self hatred . 

I am the falling star 

You never caught it . 

I’m falling 

You can’t pay attention