Love

It’s 5 am on a Sunday I have to get up to go running I haven’t in days I haven’t been feeling well. The topic loneliness. At 40 and being single I know I’m independent the only person I’ve been with is my ex we broke up in late December pretty recent so I have not dated in my healing mode I’ve become quite isolated I like my bubble I like being safe. A safe place where no one can hurt me it suits me for now. I do watch couples and families and I envy there love for each other but I’m just not brave enough not healed enough to venture out yet. I do realize time is passing by so quickly and where do you meet new people any way ? I’m a firm believer in real life connections not online dating I think it will come when it comes . My friends at work tease me and tell me I will die a cat lady this might be so but God has a plan. There is a season for every thing. Love myself first.

Value

Let me tell you a story . A woman walked by at work wearing a t shirt saying - chase this. The shirt in itself caught our attention and my fellow co worker Brian who has become a good friend looked at me and said, Amy that’s what you need to get .” I looked at him in confusion. I said,” get what ?” He said, “ self esteem “ as he walked away. His statement stayed with me as I drove home that night. Was Brian right. Was I sad every day over an ex boyfriend who treated me like garbage because I don’t see my value? Or was It because I truly loved him? I pondered this for hours. And why did I give so much power to people who tore me apart on the daily? If I saw my value would any thing matter. Because I’m worth being loved? 

Brian my friend had a point in the midst of the hustle and bustle of work he saw right through me. I don’t want to be 40 and single and not know what’s it’s like to be worth it and valuable and know it. 

Maybe it’s something I need to work on but thank you Brian for pointing it out.