Why .

You once read the words on these pages
Now you wouldn’t even touch me when I was close to you in bed
You begged me for chances
Then ignored me instead
I don’t know how to make sense of the dead .

I’m left here in my sadness
Confusion instead
Walking away
Never knowing who you really were

You begged me to hold me close to kiss me
But you pushed me away instead
I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes
I feel like screaming
Why would you do such evil to someone who loved you

I sit here lost and confused . Why .

Falls

Someone will find me here
Won’t they ?
Alice in her pretty dress
She’s ready for her next adventure
As she lays in bed
Why do I feel like a mess
The piano plays heavy in the air

I have the power to conquer this
Rabbit says .
And all the boys said she’s beautiful
Except him .
The one she danced with at midnight
She held him one last time
Said her last good bye .

Maybe I’ve wasted so much time
Said the hands on this clock
Today I’m not crying .

I’m just wondering why
Where did I go wrong .
I wrote this story on my own
There’s a road Alice said
Lead to you

A dark hole
Cut my hands
The music stopped playing
It stripped me of my beauty
And I didn’t know where you had gone to

But it wasn’t me
Was it you .

I light candles in my room
I’m alone .

How does the story end Alice
How does it end .

Dear Santa

I’ve been pretty good girl this year. I don’t party I don’t have sex and my list is pretty short .

1.In home gym
2.House on beach
3.Husband who loves God .

Ok . Pretty easy .

Thanks
Santa .

Missed Turn

The rooms are crowded by young and old couples all laughing. They know what each other loves and how they take their coffee it’s not just the beat of the drum of the day it’s because they care. I realize at 40 I don’t have this and I’m alone. I never minded being alone but my life is half over and their is no one who knows how to order for me at a Restaurant or order coffee for me at a Starbucks. It may seem trivial but it’s apart of love and best friends . I’m scared I’ll never have it never know it, I wasted my time and love on men who never paid much attention to me it’s sad - sad indeed . Am I wasted ? Is my heart wasted ? I thought I had an impact the love I gave but I suppose that isn’t true. My life is just Unrequited love never coming back full circle.

I’m 40 half my life is over . I just want to know what love means before I die. To know what it means that someone thinks of me in a special way. God willing I suppose.

Taken Back

You gave it all then took it away
You cut my heart to turn it black
I’m taking it back from you .
Your the devil in saviors robe . - Y.C.


It’s the society we get lost in
Managing direction amongst the crowds
Mindless and empty
You took my cross to bury me .

Guess what Mr grim reaper
All the blood is on your hands
Mixed with the poison
That fills your bones .

You saw me as a siene
Took my hands to let them go

It’s the devil in sheep’s clothes .
How did you do it
With no regret .

Your the black in my sky
You are the night
Make no mistake
It doesn’t matter what lie you feed yourself
As the flies circle .

I can’t believe you led me here
Down your sink hole
And I was heaven
You gave it away

Big Change

As I drove home yesterday I was thinking of the situations I’ve been put through the past few weeks and though it’s taken a toll on me I realized I’ve changed.I know longer am attracted to situations that are not healthy for me. I no longer need to gain someone’s love to receive value. I used to let people treat me badly because I felt I deserved it and I was not good enough. But now I’m treated poorly I know they are not enough. What a break through moment! If someone loves you they would do what it took to not hurt you and love you. Love never fails. If they walk instead well they didn’t love you enough and you deserve better. I’m not wasting another day on anyone who says one thing but there actions say the opposite. I’m 40 I’ve wasted years of my love on people who took me for granted and never gave anything in return. I’ve just basically been used. No one has ever stepped up to love me I’m the one doing all the loving. Also I won’t date anyone with out Gods permission first. I feel stronger and I know what I deserve a true loving partner who cares about me / Amy.

This has been a long hard road full of pain but also growth. I’m proud of who I’ve finally become.

Once

There’s something about death
The way the pain never dies
The way you cry so hard
Your bones hurt
And it hurts so hard
You can’t see around you
Some how I stand here numb

This is my life .
The acceptance of your death
I know you’ve come
And gone

I lie here staring at my ceiling
With nothing left but memories

And I play our song
I don’t know where to go from here
I’m
Alone in this .

I walk away
As I held you one last time
Pretending you loved me

I wished we danced in the night like we once did
I wish you looked at me like you once did

Now are hands are lost in the distant crowd

I say my last good byes .

Love

I think In the 40 years I’ve been alive the biggest lesson I’ve learned is love is not selfish. The Bible says so. I deserve to be treated for the woman I am. I sacrifice everything when I love someone. I should be shown the same. I think people are selfish when they don’t truly love you or themselves. I know I deserve the level of love I give. Love cost nothing. I would rather be single and love myself then be with someone who is undeserving of my love as they treat me like their  door mat with out any care in the world. It’s crazy to think anyone calls this love. Love never fails right. Unconditional love does not 

I won’t settle for someone with just words and no actions. Who does not love with character of God. 

I’m strong now I’ve been through it all I’m wiser. If you treat me badly or say you love me but have nothing to

Show for it then I’m not wasting my time. 

I would rather be alone then have the person I love make me feel bad about myself. These people are empty. 

I’m not . I’m blessed to know the difference. Love is a bank account if your constantly filling someone’s bank with all your love and they just take until your negative how can you go on ? They need to fill you up back !!!! 

People will use you and lie to you 

Words mean nothing. Actions do. Never settle for something that just isn’t real

Take it from me I know

UnDeR StReEt LighTs

I'm giving it my all
But I'm not the girl you're taking home- Dancing On My Own . 


It’s half past dawn 
I can’t stop this song 
All around around in my head 
It was you I was dancing with 
Under the empty street lights . 

How did you forget 
As you promised 
I’ll never let you go . 

And I’m here 
Wondering if you see me now 
I waited so long 
To have you back in my arms . 

I lay here alone 
Always alone 
Memories of us fill the night 
I cry . 

Couldn’t you see me 
The one 
Who loved you for so long . 

Maybe the note you left under my pillow 
Is long gone . 
But your the one I dance with every night 
As I wait for you to come - home 

Did you see me 
I fought for you 
Did you see me 
Watching you from the corner . 

As I stand here now 
Under the street lights 
Watching the sun rise . 

I never stopped loving you . 

Stagnate

It’s the bottom of the barrel 

The lights are on 

The dawn whispers as my thoughts linger 

If I could I would go back 

To yesterday 

When you fell

Asleep inside my soul 

In my arms . 

We laughed as the sun set 

Kissed til the stars met 

What I wouldn’t give 

For you to look at me that way again 

As your fingers in the morning we’re still locked with mine . 

Now you lay silent next to me 

I wonder where your mind is 

I just want to meet you there 

I just wanted to meet you 

Right here 

Under the street lights where we left off 

In the cold 

Never letting go . 

Never ever letting go .