Life advice

 When someone hurts you so bad you want them to make it better , You want them to make it all makes sense to make all the pain go away, but the truth is the person who put the hole in your boat for it to sink cannot fix it. If they are the ones who hurt you you can’t expect them to make it better, you have to move on and find a way to heal repair your own boat, and never let them touch your ship again. For if they made you drowned once they will certainly make you drowned again

Aeros

Cupid’s bow lies broken 

In the snow . 

I’ll set him on fire 

A nightmare fairytale with out a 

White picket fence . 

What a scene . I buttoned up yesterday 

Like an old winter coat that was worn 

I was left cold . 

I can’t imagine writing such a story 

The deck of cards dealt 

I was betrayed 

You said I was a caterpillar 

What’s it like to kill a butterfly ? 

Lost now in this sand storm 

No water 

And I beg the heavens for me to forget 

Yesterday . 

I stitch up all your words in black marker 

I sing my self to sleep 

You died 

In me . 

I have the wounds to prove it still 

There isn’t a badge for bravery 

Only the bare ness of regret . 

You said your afraid of heights 

As you hang me from your bare hands 

Laughing at the noose around my neck 

I just needed a hero . 

Now I’m left dead . 

But you will never feel that 

Here is my letter 

As I rip apart this arrow 

And cry in silence  

The Funeral

It’s that moment when everything you had runs like a vein to your heart , a strong dose of fatal poison as you lie there in shock . Every memory as it passes each beat you watch burn behind sollen eyes . There is not one thing you can do about this kind of death 

It’s like a bullet to the brain . There isn’t anything you can do to change this . Your frozen there in time . Feeling sick in the pit of your stomach . 

In some empty abandon grave you sit forgotten like yesterday’s trash . 

The worst part is , you know with out a doubt that’s where you will remain . 

The person who was saving you all along was digging my grave . 

I can’t breathe . I can’t escape . What is the lesson in this murder scene 

As they wrap up the tape ? 

To always trust in your gut feeling . It never lies . 

Disaster

It was the conversation over coffee 

Going back and forth over news paper spread 

Black smudges on white intentions 

Rainy day . 

I ask about tomorrow 

This time there is 

No reply . 

The type writer is nervous 

And bends In the sun rise 

I take one last drink 

Before the day starts and ends 

All at the same time . 

So I ask you again . 

No answer. 

The silence is clear 

My mind sits as a heavy crowd in a New York subway 

Yet I seem calm . 

The ink runs dry . 

And realize 

I been talking 

To myself . 

Lamps

Alice puts her head phones on 

Counts snow flakes one by one 

It’s never winter yet it’s always winter here 

I’m under the bed in the dark 

Lost in all these thoughts 

What do you think about my brass button coat 

Hanging on your door . 

As I cry alone on your bedroom floor . 

Do you see me there tonight 

Every tear a stain on your pillow 

So you can’t forget 

Maybe just maybe you will feel the way 

You bruised my face . 

Hiding under covers . 

I love you can’t fix black and blue decisions 

I thought it was possible 

Love . 

I thought you meant it 

But what did you mean 

As I lay here alone . 

My jacket still on your door 

I’m left full of regret 

What can I do 

As you live in these words 

As you throw away this book . 

Stand Still

It’s 2 pm I’m sitting at my work on a Saturday. I would give just about anything to be at the beach . I’m hearing some kind of awful music on the radio and today isn’t the best day ever . I have some sound advice for my audience that took my whole life to take . 

It’s simple really . So many people play games In relationships , who wins - who loses . When do I call ? How Can I make them jealous ? You guys are all wrong . 

Be real . Be yourself and honor and love and respect yourself first . Never set aside your dignity or self esteem for anyone . It’s that simple . Find a relationship that is equal give and take 

Equal love . There is no such thing in anything else or it’s just fake . Guard your heart only give it away to someone who keeps it as safe as they keep there own . Do not risk your emotional safety 

Any of us could die in this next moment 

Don’t waste your life on anyone or anything that hurts you , devalues you 

Write your list of things you need in someone and don’t settle . Love yourself first . If you have kids remember they watch you as an example 

Would you want your daughter to marry the man you are dating ? If not , why are you ? Would you want your son to marry a woman like the one you are dating ? 

If not , why are you ! Life is short . You have value . Would you throw your pearls to swine ? The Bible it’s self tells us not to . 

Be yourself , find someone who is genuine and honest . 

Have a happy Saturday ! 

No Apology

I’m sorry if i didn’t meet your expectations of the perfect girl 

Didn’t you know the best part of me is how imperfect i can be . 

I’m a glasses girl with funny shaped lips 

And a big imagination 

I live in stories and who could pull me out 

Who could read between her lines and love her there 

Waiting in an ocean . 

Black eyes white panties waiting to escape 

Rip me into your beating heart 

Show me the darkest secrets where i can love . 

But didn’t you know I’m the girl in converse and a dress . 

You say , your not so pretty any more 

You say , you didn’t love me enough 

You never loved me whole 

I’m a cake that brings warm memories 

I’m a memory you never had before 

I’m a drop of rain you hold in the palm of your hand never to escape . 

Here i am alone writing stories . 

Who will understand me 

Have the strength to love me 

As i file them away 

I dream of winter 

And now you can’t take the best part of me . 

Like coated cotton candy 

And antique stores 

You’ll never find that flavor 

No one knows my name 

Tales Of A Librarian

I’m 39 and I see them every where , the post of couples and the guys putting there girl friends as there wcw . I’m over here knowing I’m to late . It’s to late for me . I won’t have a wedding , a proposal or even the ring . I’ve come to terms with this today . Maybe I’ll be a cat lady and live alone in Canada . Or drink coffee in Washington book stores alone as I watch the rain pour . I’ve accepted my single life fate . I guess I always wanted to know what it was like to have someone love me more than them self 

But I know God’s love for me . Right now that is enough . 

2017 Round About

It’s November 2nd I’m sitting at Richies Diner with Raigan it’s early 9 am . This past 7 months have been hard . Almost exactly 7 months ago I posted very important goals I refuse to let 2017 to go out unnoticed . I will remain single I’m happy to remain single . I need to refocus on my heath, my God , my daughter and my finances . 

I’m emotionally burnt and I feel like I’m in ashes . I could blame someone for doing this to me but the truth is I allowed it . I need to Recenter . Why would I allow anyone to bring me to such a point when I’m valuable ? 

I need these last months of this year to really read my Bible , pray and figure out why 

This is where I’m at . Have you been in this place ? Of such pain ? Have you been dragged to your very own personal hell ? 

I been praying now more than ever . We have to make every day count , don’t ever waste your love on any one who throws it on the floor .