Bruises

What would I have to do
For you to see me
If I stood in front of the sun ?

If you pulled out from in front of your mirror
Burned some old pages In your library
That collect dust
Collect sadness and stories of anger

I'm not the librarian
With wire rimmed lense
Filing away this -

And all of this
Drowns me

I'm no victim
You have to meet me on the shore
But darling you ain't walking on water

So let's start this again
These books are over due -

I'm not a librarian
I'm a lover
I'm a fighter

What does it take for you to see me
I'm not you
I'm not her
I'm not yesterday

I don't know what love is

Could you
Write me the story

Give an orphan a home

Cuz you ain't
Walking on water

I'm here on the shore
With our fire

Do you love her ?

As she stands in front of the sun
Screaming your name

Lights On

Tell me a hundred secrets that make you the path I climb on
Push me out this door
I'll come back through your window

I'm not sure about the beginnings
But I know I'll erase - this ending
What are endings for -

All these whispers in the dark
Can I hold your fingers
Steady off the ledge

Can I hold your wrist
Broken from the fall

I'm just time
Inside this clock
Ticking quietly inside your heart

Did you need me here
Do you want me here

I'm looking for a hero
The kind that watches for me - through this window

Can't let me go
Won't let me go

It's how the song goes
It's how we go .

I'm leaving the lights on
And I don't know about the beginnings

But the ends I'm erasing
Like old shoe laces
Old songs on the radio

If you push me
I'll climb back in

If you push me
I'll climb back in

To find your here
Give me your hands

- Amy Everett

The Real Fight

It's 9 a.m. I'm at work , it's hard to concentrate today . Worst of all I can't find my head phones so my life is falling apart . ( not entirely ) I have been lost the past few days . Yesterday I broke down and cried in my car . I wasn't sure why , then it hit me . Like some realization from the sky hit my heart and there it was . For 3 months I have felt numb and confused . When we people let you down the ones you trusted the most , I learned to except it and move on . I didn't realize it was causing me to be callused . Maybe I let it go , yes . But the disappointment harbors fear . I couldn't feel much of anything . I have a new person in my life giving me tons of love , and I could see it like looking out a window . But I can't feel it . How do I take it in ? When your lost in everything that has destroyed you

How do I shake it ? I asked myself for months . I wanted to give up , not on him , but myself . What does someone do with pain ? I wanted to hand my heart over to him , in my hand and say please take it ! Just take it ! But would he break it even farther to the nothing that had been left on the ground ?

Someone else can't fix that . Yesterday I sat in my car and it hit me . I began to grieve all the beliefs that led me there to that moment . It's a journey isn't it ? Fighting to not be numb . I remember a time I fought to not feel at all . But I want to feel everything he has to give me , not the pain that paralyzes me from giving my heart again.

I need to brave I told myself . Give myself the chance to live . I've been an orphan to love . And it's time I found a home .

My home in you

Agent Orange