Negative space

I entered into a vast dream 

To try to escape the reality of losing you 

And there you sat on my couch 

I held you again under covers 

And I laughed with you.

I was there connected through time

And space , holding hands 

Vapors of smoke a marage

Of everything I couldn't understand 

Doors I couldn't open 

Words I didn't have to say 

A clock that's fingers never pointed

I sat there in the room when you weren't looking 

I watched you 

In the midst of the crowd 

I took you in

I swallowed you whole 

For all that my dream let me 

Then you got up 

I ran searching 

I searched 

Tears ran down my face 

I found you 

You hugged me so tight 

Said , you made a mistake letting me go 

Then I a woke 

Found my self alone ......

My Letter To Him

Hidden Beauty - written by M.F.

The world is wearing a mask today

She's all dressed up in anxiety and paint

I'm sitting, waiting for the rain

To wash the mind away

And maybe in darkness there's a beauty

Maybe the kind that doesn't fade

And maybe with light comes the duty

To burn 'til the last eyes turn away

But my muse is hiding her face today

She's disguised in the tides that obey cruel fate

Who simply recede, with their fingers at the nape

Of her neck, I confess, there's something forgotten

Something long lost that

Still resides, right where we misplaced it

The sky echoes the sentiment

Thick and thunderous with discontent

Blindingly screaming at split-seconds

Where we trafficked our dreams across these sands

I was there when the fire was lit

Bare and waiting for you to notice

The space in this world where we might fit

A thousand poems into a moment unspoken

I'm still writing them

Still deciphering the impact

Where the sand is glassed and cratered

And charged with your scent

Where my heart was steady and sure

Even if my eyes couldn't see it

But the world is wearing a mask today

Something's somehow different

And I can feel the last few waves

Encroaching upon my skin

And I know in this night, there's beauty

I've tasted it, been regaled with tales

Of how so many have wasted it

I refuse to be the sum of them

Refuse to let the world sink in

I'll be the waves that crash on the rocks

Before I'll be the current running from them

I'll be the rain that frees you from the thought

That any dream should remain hidden

I'll wash away your mask today, show your face

That you'll know you never needed to go

And paint over it.

The I Can

There's a stack of books

Empty pages 

I read line for line 

Empty . 

It tells me everything . 

Run far , as far as you can tell 

I write the story behind your eyes 

As you stare from across the room 

I grab at everything in between 

In desperation 

I throw your library in a fire 

A concentration camp of anger 

Let me re write your story . 

As you kiss me 

This trail of gasoline 

It's everything 

To be afraid 

Of what they always said you couldn't be 

Let me show you the way 

I'll come a thousand miles 

As you stare from across the room 

With all the regrets and I'm sorry's 

Let's make it more 

Re write the story 

You were always meant to be 

Corners

There's words that fall through cracks 

And sounds that no one can find 

And a sheer panick of lost hope 

My stomach aches I feel empty inside 

There is nothing that can save me this time 

I can't love hard enough 

Or hope enough 

Or have faith 

I'm just lost 

With out a song 

No piano plays 

It's just silent 

Endings

He looked me in the eye 

Asked if I was going to cry 

It took everything in me 

Not to fall apart in his arms 

Beg him not to go 

But I knew he wanted to 

So I had to sit in dead silence 

The Great Loss

What can you say about loss 

Beating heart 

Streaming tears 

One love 

One life 

One instant 

Gone 

Death 

The Answer

Telegraphs are written through smiles 

Across cold rooms 

Becoming warm and emptied out places 

 

Made of fabric woven from memory 

Stretched beyond pain and fear 

It interferes with the picture we want to create 

So we wonder how do we cut that away 

There's a time table to death 

A millisecond until it all ends 

I refuse to live life in a coffin 

Every nail bent 

I can tell you the secret 

If you come close 

It's called equal value 

Back and forth 

Continually working at something 

If it's not equal 

Then find fifty plus fifty 

And it ain't ice cream 

If you know what I mean 

Code

I think a writers code 

Is written only for the elite 

Who can read the Braille of the soul of her pen 

And those who can comprehend her 

And seek her 

Get to sleep in the belly of her heart 

Picasso (1)

Writing mends broken beauty 

Like port holes into stained glass windows 

Making ashes to hearts again 

Setting fire to the past 

So let's breathe 

I walk on the water 

Trying not to drowned 

My enemies try to distract me 

Mocking me

I laugh 

There bellies full of guile 

My path may be unsure 

But I'm moving forward

I catch the first train 

To where ever holds my dreams 

If it isn't this 

It will be that 

But it goes on 

It's a canvas 

Life's drawn in 

Wish I could paint it in ahead 

Call me Picasso 

But I'm just the writer instead 

Notes

Strangers pass 

Nodding morning gestures 

I congratulate them with a smile 

Every hello a tourniquet  

For today's wounds 

Chasing Alice (1)

I found my self in wonderland 

Don't want my feet to hit the ground 

Is it real or is it pretend 

No turning back now 

There's a hallway I'm lost in 

Not a door to open 

Not a road to drive on 

I'm running still 

Hold my hand 

I'm upside down 

I'm falling apart 

I'm put together 

I'm sitting at the table 

There's no turning back now 

Hold my hand 

I'm lost 

I'm found 

I'll survive 

I hope your the door 

I climb in 

I hope your the bread 

makes me small 

And down we go 

To chase our dreams 

I found my self in wonderland 

Don't want my feet to hit the ground 

Come with me 

 

Station - love this poem not by me

A moment

I want to be hidden in you 

Where only I can see 

A special place just for me 

I want you to be hidden in me 

Just for you 

Where only  you can see

The Hunt

There's a calm below the surface 

Everything is held together by needles and thread 

I walk amongst a busy crowd 

Yet she's alone and the world is quiet 

I hear them whispering my name 

Which way to go 

I keep moving forward 

I'm not here to convince you 

It's you who should be convincing me 

I'm not chasing the treasure chest 

There's a map 

And an X to the gold I acquire 

It's here for the taking 

If you 

Take it 

So I rest 

And wait 

For your voice 

And your words to bring me home 

To your arms 

And I ask you 

To save me with your smile 

Surprise me 

Hero 

With your devilish smile and your cape 

Christina perri - arms

Xerox

There's the surface we climb on 

Speaking to without explaining 

There's us , just happening 

Like a whisper and a passer passing by 

Waiting for an on coming train

There's just a chance 

One chance 

I'm not a beggar 

I'm just asking you 

Not to say good bye

If anything 

It's your eyes 

Your words 

Your smile 

You 

Me 

Can't be copied 

Grace

I thought about her today 

As cotton candy and peaches 

Conversation runs like Peter Pan 

And the wisdom of important chatter fills the room 

There's a smile in her that hugs my brokenness 

And her song puts my lost dreams to sleep 

Her breath breaks my skin 

And I want to save her from everything 

Intent

There's a fabric between finger prints 

In the dark they lie quiet on your skin 

Scarlet letter drawn in black pen . 

There's a ghost 

Your shadow 

Keeps her alive when your gone . 

Pushing a smile above the surface 

Capturing her grace 

I'm fixated on this canvas 

He is the picture I can't finish . 

I've got every paint . 

There's something to a forest 

You get lost in 

I fall asleep in

It's midnight 

If I could feel it 

If I could hold it 

If I could paint my finger prints 

Down your spine 

Asleep in the fog 

Trying to finish what I started 

 

The date is going to expire 

As she's left on the shelf 

So I write this letter to myself 

Empty pen 

To hold 

Him again 

Secret

We're stretched out soldiers 

Running amongst the city 

I know your secret 

You don't have to tell me 

The tide is getting stronger 

To take me away 

From you 

What you want 

You have to reach for 

We're stretched out soldiers 

One word 

Makes all the difference 

No need to whisper 

Before I'm taken away 

If only .

Life piles on the sink 

Like old bills and cold coffee 

The radio plays telling me  a story 

Of a missed life 

I hum to the sound of regret 

And make believe things can change 

It's all I ever wanted 

Magic . 

Life lesson #100

Never believe what people say unless there words are based on results . If there's no results words mean nothing . 

- Amy 's wisdom for today 

Atlas

Puzzles fall together on an atlas 

Some what shifted and unput together 

Cordanence is genuine 

It moves like a needle through skin 

Like being lost between here and a thousand oceans 

And a black hand shake good bye 

Grim reaper smiles at the funeral 

And she cries ... 

White Flag

You gave me courage

I'm fighting 

But it's been so long 

Your not here 

I think it's time 

I 

Let go 

Collide-scope

Tides wash away pictures 

Painted on iris lense 

Distorting my sight , causing bruises 

The lining of my conciseness breaking the frame 

Words congest the mouth 

Not even hearing what is said 

I'm clouded in places where time is standing still . 

And I can't escape it 

I can't lose it 

I write every moment left on this letter 

Grasping at what's left 

Like sand in an hour glass 

Moving quickly yet 

Never fading 

It's under these lines 

Where you live 

I lay in my bed 

Distorted dreams 

I find your smile in 

It's midnight 

I can't sleep 

The band plays a symphony 

I'm writing these letters to you 

There's something to a theif 

Who holds my voice 

I am silent 

And she writes 

I can't hear a word they say 

I'm frozen in time 

Where you are still alive 

Under these lines 

You live 

Listening : nine inch nails ghost 1 -1 

Saturday 7-5-2014

It's Saturday almost noon . It's warm outside , the dealership is cold . Cold in it's comings and goings . I'm sitting here on a plush brown leather chair , wishing I was laying on white sandy beach in Carlsbad . I also day dream about my lost love . An how I wish he would walk through these doors and give me a warm hug , and make my life back to where it was . Not that my life isn't good I'm moving forward , it's just different .

Different without my rock . 

So here I am sitting on this leather chair , watching the door ...

Enemy Ground

The wicked hold there place 

I try my response in laughter 

You build kingdoms that fall 

I'm left standing 

I leave a message for the blind 

With a voice that binds 

Old pages and empty lines 

You wouldn't even hear her cries 

For it's the cry of the evil 

I bear 

And mend 

Anger meets me at the door 

I know these transgressions well 

Just because I know 

Dosent mean I'm the mat on your floor 

They say , " she's a stupid girl " 

I say , they seen nothin yet . 

Mock me. ? 

It's your trial and your jury 

Hanging your head on a rope 

Who will you call ? 

I leave now 

Mask off 

Door open 

Leave behind the guile 

I am an angel 

Amongst the hell and fire 

No matter how hard they try 

They can't beat me 

There anger my strength 

There hate my motivation 

I'm walking , with my smile on . 

The Real Race

In loss

In this loss 

I can't take another day 

Gripping steering wheel 

Music loud 

Can't let go 

I try 

I just 

Can't 

Dear Diary

Next week I will begin a new journey , a new job . I'm pushing forward through a wave . All odds on my strength . I'm running full force , can't stop to think about this journey the past few months. . So much change . A lot of mending , and a whole new destiny . And holding on to hope and love , to get me through . 

Post War (1)

There's a storm breaking 

I drive 

I'm suffocating 

You are the air 

I don't know how 

I don't know where I belong 

I'm lost 

The atmosphere now gone . 

Disguised

Lend me your ears 

The beggars hold their cups 

I'm the walking dead 

A skeleton brittle boned fear 

There's a game 

Fuck you and your pretension

I am left to erase reality 

Filling the cracks with empty space 

I'm scratching at the surface 

Of the air you breathe 

I'm calling 

The world is listening 

It's my avenue 

Trudging dark streets 

A starless sky 

It's black 

As I carve my Braille words 

On your eyes .....

Lend me your ears 

I'm a travesty 

And the beggar holds his cup 

I spit on the ground 

You walk on by 

Tossing your change on the ground . 

Cost of War

There's a cost to war 

When your gun is warm 

Half dead and half won 

There's an army under my chest 

Medal constitution 

No regret 

The black clouds suggest going back 

But I have come to far 

In this bullet proof vest 

My eyes tell a story 

Poker face conversation 

And the piano is playing louder 

At all my mistakes 

I laugh at this soldier 

In the dark I need no compass 

To find the shore 

Swords dull 

I don't need much 

To win 

I'm still standing 

We're the willing and departing 

It's my ocean 

I'm brave 

I'm broken 

I'm writing from the hull 

Stronger than I ever was before 

You haunt me 

You haunt me 

There's a cost to war 

Gun is warm 

Half dead and half won 

We go on ....

Rain Fall

There's a masquerade 

Tempting fate 

Clutching cupids broken arrow 

There must be some mistake 

He says 

I'm worn by the storm 

I sit and feel the rain fall 

An it's all about to fall away 

I'm standing in front of the clouds 

Closing this door 

To yesterday 

Sea

Quiet the storm 

Lost in the oceans thunder 

Tossed like a small boat 

Lost my anchor 

Lesson

I think the only lesson in life we have to remember is we just have to keep pushing on ... 

And the people worth loving will be there , the ones who aren't won't . 

Where you left her

Divided amongst one 

Story of holding hands 

Just my heart 

Kneel beside me 

And Come home . 

Your letter , was like a stranger left 

With a blank stare .

And I don't want to write any more . 

Great Divide

There's a sacrifice for being brave 

For wearing that face 

Swallowing tears in a room full of strangers 

Everyone pulling at you 

No one 

No one 

Seeing you 

There's a gaurd at the gate 

Where your heart holds a vice 

And he knows your name 

There's nothing else that matters 

You look away 

There's a million things you wish you could say to change his mind 

But you know you can't 

So you stay silent and brave 

50 years

I feel you watching me 

As I lay here I feel safe still in your arms 

This is the silent war I'm waging 

You put the same uniform on 

And fight on too 

I can't help but wait 

But it won't be forever ...

There's something about the day 

And stale conversation that makes me 

Know exactly what it was all for 

I try to explain it 

When they don't understand it 

I know 

It's right 

I travel in crowds 

With out you I'm alone 

I lost my best friend 

If I wrote a love poem 

It would be about losing that 

My soul is the needle to your 

Unstitched thread 

If you never come back 

I'll manage 

But not whole as I once stood

you carry the best parts of me 

Where ever you are 

Where Ever you stand 

I was lucky just to know you 

Just to sit with you 

And you can read years and years back of everything I ever wrote 

That I never felt like this 

So you know it's real 

This might not be the most beautiful letter 

But it's the most true 

And it will be in 50 years .

2 D

Video reel plays 

Enough to translate a smile 

From your face 

Crowds walk by 

I notice the tone 

Of a lost voice fading 

From a computer screen 

30 days 

Weighs heavy 

Life in. 2 D 

Control 

Alt 

Delete 

Empty

Tap type search 

Blank 

Stare 

Nothing tells me 

No answer 

I type feverishly 

Sit in this chair 

Russian roulette sounds nice 

A bottle of pills 

Reality sets in 

Google can't find my joy 

I delete old history 

Tapping 

Typing 

Nothing 

The Coming

There's a collection of sunshine 

Under grey clouds 

Simple storms bring progress 

Around the bend 

There's a star waiting to impress you 

With your one last wish 

Before your last breath when your about to quit 

An all the while when memories flood your veins and over whelm your heart 

And nothing feels the same ... 

Remember the finger prints you left 

On yesterday 

Could bring back those hands 

On your face 

Of the clock you watch -day to day 

Clandestine

Clandestine 

Hollow out frame 

Making my way 

Raised eye brow 

Dialated pupil 

Empty mirror 

Shade 

Broken h2o

Exhausted pillow 

Pain 

Existence 

Heart 

Pounding 

Mourning 

Pressing 

On

1

I never knew it until it stared me in the face 

I couldn't even imagine it 

Write about it 

I laughed at it 

Mocked it 

Guarded it 

Spit on it 

A life time of wars conquered 

Vows made 

Lectures won . 

Until one day 

A girl was faced 

Eye to eye with a boy 

She was able to see into 

Every corner of his soul 

With out hesitation 

She reached for him . 

With out thinking 

With out looking back 

And he saw her too 

And reached back . 

And he left her 

Believing .

Faith

Passing words carry keys 

To lanterns hanging on trees 

Lighting dark nights 

Illuminating whispers 

Inches apart over vast seas 

Stretching apart a good bye 

Proves he's not a coward 

Making  her love grow stronger 

A telephone made of silence 

Begs him to be hers 

He says I can't 

Tonight 

Rings

I crawl in the depths of enemies 

Grasping at my strength 

Clutching at my light 

I'm screaming 

I want to hide 

I'm at the finish line

Broken bones

I stand 

They reach for the power in me 

For everything 

They are lacking 

I look down 

And smile 

I know the price 

To be found - wanting

Close your eyes

I sit at a kings table 

I walk the distance dressed in scars 

Buried in risk 

Cloaked in mistakes 

I'm looking back 

Running forward as fast as I can 

I can't forget 

All the while my world seems to be falling apart 

And coming together 

I know how to do that to well 

Until you walked into my world 

I was guarded 

Only one song played 

The universe held my hands together 

Eyes shut 

Hearts played 

You kneeled beside my bed 

Gave me shelter 

I fell in your safety net 

Heros come at night 

Leave in the dawn 

Wear masks 

And capes 

Make you believe in fairy tales 

Hold my hand tight 

Left at first sign of light 

What I would give 

For one more 

I sit at a kings table 

Writing about a girl and her very first love 

And how she wishes this fairy tale was real 

If only she had one more night 

Kneel beside her bed 

Tell her it will be all right 

Endless love

My first love 

Was everything all at once

The kind you never fall back from 

You never try to 

Never want to 

A love so big 

So strong 

It never dies 

It never fades 

It never loses it's electricity 

The kind of love you fight for 

The kind of boy you fight for 

Subways

Pace concrete 

Black streams private 

In dark places 

The secret tide 

I write chapters 

About the thief in the night 

Once taken

Plagued with a new beginning 

Losing my heart 

Leaving it behind 

In the palm of your hand 

Know that you forever own it 

To never be given 

To 

Anyone again 

Paper Cuts

I search through a crowded room 

A hundred faces empty 

I hear your voice 

You show me the door 

I crawl through a broken window frame 

I know you are waving good bye 

I want to scream no 

There is no choice 

I know 

I fought 

With all I had 

I walk backwards 

Through the crowd 

No one knows my name 

I watch you 

Drive away 

I think is there anything I can say 

To change your mind 

To make you stay ? 

I toss a penny in the wind 

I'm left here standing in the middle of the road with nothing left to bet 

If you can feel with me gone 

Then it's not worth me crying 

Is it 

The room is empty 

But I'll find my way 

Just not right now 

Repeat

I see the boy collecting fingerprints from a girl 

As they kiss over the warm pavement 

I see the newspaper black and cold pressed spreading disease 

I grab my coffee and watch the clouds warm the shadows over the mountain 

The music drifts into the back of some memory of you 

As I drive 

And it's all I think of 

As I put the song 

On repeat 

Aces

I'm playing poker 

Misplaced the ace 

Royal flush 

I could say how I lost my words 

They sit here bare boned 

Left to dry 

Hide my eyes 

I could say fuck you for your letter 

You felt you had to write 

No meaning in your good bye 

Transparent in my chair 

Left unhanded and cuffed to the unseen 

Waiting 

Do you remember 

Me 

I believe 

There are lines I can't write 

That I know belong in you 

And 

Me 

So fuck all this bull shit 

I throw the deck 

I search for you 

Unplugged 

And missing 

I find you here in me 

Slowly disappearing 

I'm waiting for the real answer 

In all these pages 

Yet nothing is coming to me 

Brass knuckles

I'm white knuckling on the edge 

Of an atmosphere 

Time races by 

I hardly notice 

I swallow my tears in a room 

Full of Jekyll and hydes 

No thought here 

Blinking and talking 

In pattern like hand stitched 

To hell and fire 

I wake up with you 

I sleep with you 

I fight not to fall from this mountain 

I see what lies ahead 

I keep going -to live 

But I feel nothing with out you 

I turn pages and pages 

And write word after word 

I can't escape 

Searching for freedom 

At the same time 

I don't 

Want 

To 

Grasping 

With everything I have 

At the edge of this mountain 

Hanging by a thread 

An atmosphere trying to breathe 

With you 

Gone . 

Watching for the wish 

Of falling stars . 

That you will find this hand reaching 

As I sit on the ledge 

Find me here 

Save me 

Once 

Again

Scripts (1)

Metallic and unlisted I go on 

Under highway broken 

Cracked and unregistered 

You won't find me 

Amongst the heavens 

They try to catch me 

I'm a hundred leagues under the sea 

Where I started 

Under the smile of my friend the Cheshire Cat 

Madness fills my eyes 

Bad decisions fill the  emptiness of last night 

Washing yesterday's love off my heart 

It isn't working 

I'm strong 

Strong enough 

To lose 

When your not looking back 

At my notebook 

And this is my pen 

Writing you out 

As you wrote me out 

Wish it was that easy 

When you have no heart 

No heart 

They call it a disease 

I knew it well 

Until you walked into my world 

But I am strong enough 

I'm telling you 

I'm telling me 

I'm strong

Days

Her beauty in spades 

A princess hiding in a train 

Heading south 

So many tears she hides 

Behind framed glasses 

And lost secrets

The sky has a canvas I paint her 

With my eyes 

If I hope hard enough 

Can you feel her heart pounding ?

In your chest ? 

She returns home 

Pondering the next station 

I can't sit still 

I'll lose direction 

All these hallways lead 

To 

You 

I escape on this train 

As I write 

I listen to tori play her song 

I go about my day 

With demons and dragons 

Playing some silly symphony about 

Never being loved as a child 

They will walk my way 

But I don't see them 

They are the shadow 

I am the light 

No one can see a shadow any way 

50 years -For You

I feel you watching me 

As I lay here I feel safe still in your arms 

This is the silent war I'm waging 

You put the same uniform on 

And fight on too 

I can't help but wait 

But it won't be forever ...

There's something about the day 

And stale conversation that makes me 

Know exactly what it was all for 

I try to explain it 

When they don't understand it 

I know 

It's right 

I travel in crowds 

With out you I'm alone 

I lost my best friend 

If I wrote a love poem 

It would be about losing that 

My soul is the needle to your 

Unstitched thread 

If you never come back 

I'll manage 

But not whole as I once stood

you carry the best parts of me 

Where ever you are 

Where Ever you stand 

I was lucky just to know you 

Just to sit with you 

And you can read years and years back of everything I ever wrote 

That I never felt like this 

So you know it's real 

This might not be the most beautiful letter 

But it's the most true 

And it will be in 50 years .

Dear diary

This is my last message to you .

I love you 

Please come back . 

You gave me a reason 

I'm lost with out you 

Excused - (1) repost of mine an old favorite

I shutter in leather eyes lashes

Cuff me to black veins

Fool me into your prison

Cut me in your dungeon

I am the spy

Love me

In heart shaped locket

Keep me in your magazine article

Between news lines and spread

I am muted space


Between cherry red lipstick stains

Drawn in stitched panties

Made of lace.

Reach for me

Beyond wire rimmed lens

Dense imperfection

Music and conversation fades

I am beyond the crowds

In Contempt

Handcuffed to buttons

The way my smile creases your heart.




As I fade back into the distance

You smell me on your fingers.

Capes

I see you in a crowded room 

I toss my cigar 

Walk towards you 

You watch me 

Black garter dripping intention 

Fucking you with regret 

Loving every minute 

You grab me 

I make my escape 

The car awaits in the dark night 

We go for a ride 

You tell me something about lines spread 

Fingers pressed against my lips 

The road wet . 

The night hides our secrets 

I beg you 

Not 

To 

Leave 

Me

Faster 

I say

The road draws darker

I'm begging for more miles tonight 

Heart pounds 

Harder 

I woke up this morning 

You were no where in sight  

Red

My hands come up empty 

I'm searching every corner 

You whisper 

I can't hear you at all 

There's a hundred walls 

And a hundred reasons 

Rusted nails bruise time 

Inhabit dreams 

That we're there 

I am irritated 

I drink pills for water 

h20 eyes 

Form my words as I write 

As numb as I can breathe 

You aren't here tonight 

Are you listening ? 

I suppose you aren't 

Because there is no answer

I search for you 

In the hollows of empty cold dreams 

Once warm and inviting 

Now I'm left here 

Imagining 

My letter

Almost wrote you yesterday 

Music playing 

Tears streaming 

And then they said 

Move on ....

I read your letter today 

It reads like the winter cold and effortless

I lose my breath one last time 

I know their right 

I just know these words aren't right 

Maybe this is my letter 

And I'm angry 

I'm moving on 

I just know inside I shouldn't 

But  I am 

Your not here to prove me wrong 

Trespassing

Red Baron becomes a lost shadow 

Amongst the angry sky 

Compass falls apart 

The radio is quiet ....

Small medal pieces left of home the last proof you were ever here 

No matter where I go I hear you 

Bringing her tears 

I sing a lullabie to sleep 

To keep you safe in my dreams 

10-4 and out 

Copy the heart left to the ground 

I pray you return 

Red Baron - stole my cape 

I'd give it all up 

To set the sky on fire again 

If you hear me 

From miles and miles of broken sky 

Everything I have is yours 

Tonight 

Happy birthday to me

4 am 

Today is my birthday . What can I say . There are no major reflections I suppose like other years . I suppose that is a good thing . My goal is to just simply accomplish my goals this year . 

Sure I had a bench mark so far . Maybe not one I hoped for . But you can't take what's out of your control . I believe in fate and faith . I'm sure time hAs my name in her notebook and it will be my turn next. . 

Until then this year is about pushing forward and keeping my chin up . Always be who I am . 

True to myself , I've learned thAt in that there can be no regret . 

5/21/2014

Stationary

Inbox blinks 

Check close repeat 

Empty 

Sigh cold night 

When you believe 

It's erased like control alt delete 

I'm drowning 

Cry where no one can see me 

Left with a canvas full of paint 

Where once lied grey 

There is a sein in my promise 

Now it's a scene with caution tape 

I drive alone 

Wondering where it is you go 

Somewhere lost behind me 

I'm left searching 

14

Bruises line heart and beats

Like music that silently plays 

Because you are no longer listening 

I hate the cloudy days 

Nothing is the same 

The winter wears her coat 

As a spirit dies the night cries 

There's no mistake where I hide 

I am less a man with out her reason 

I am less the man with out her purpose 

Anchor cast ashore 

Tears make the tides 

As I watch you in the distance fade 

I lie and say I'm alright 

She walks the beach 

No hope no regret 

I would give anything 

To look into your eyes again 

I'm in a shallow grave 

You haunt every move I make 

And I

Can. No longer fight 

If you could only hear me tonight 

You changed my life 

If I could fight I would until I die 

Just to look into those eyes 

But you walked out of my life

I'm alone with the tide 

A Way Back Home

2 am.


I can't sleep , where do I go . I keep writing and deleting lines that are as broken as I .Tell me where home is ? When you find it and lose it . I'm homeless . I'm not sorry I take risk I'm just sorry in the losing . Finding your smile and losing it requires me to go to sleep for a while Back to where I started

What can a writer say about losing heart . I find myself in a momentary shadow . That is desperately missing her light

What it is to be hidden

The piano plays her keys silent

in a room full of cold breathing dragons
I speak dutch , and my silent laughter fills the room

she says," Can you hear me ? "

I write in Braille on the walls fingers bleed
and they wear it all over their hearts .

As they smile at me. But they can't hear a word I say .
And My purpose is completed today.

I build bricks and buildings  for a living and there aint nothing beautiful about that.

If you can find the maze this little girl hides in I will  tell you

she wears pink lipstick and if it makes sense she will hold you

But don't try to get  in to those panties ........

There is a winter under the warm sun.

Under my coat is the black and white letter

And a red heart some where in the mail
I sent it off to the Dream King

But I'm not sure if he will sign for it

So I sit here and write instead.

I am sitting in this room
I am beginning to look like them
But what they don't know is I am Anastasia instead.

Not A Win or A gain - D&D

The devil is hunting me
Phantom of the opera watching me
In the darkness alone and understated

I sit in the audience
No one watching .

But you.

Will you re write this story
A beautiful chapter written so eloquently
of the tide that is rising?

I am drowning and out to sea

You see ?
The nail in the coffin fallen and I am about to be free

So tell me your story
The devil with angel wings
Play your song for me.
I know your listening

Dance with me.
I need the answers of all I cannot solve
Of the alleys I am homeless in
Of these lines Im lost in
Of a love I found
That will not take my hand

I am here alone

Tell me
How to win

The Devil in the Darkness
How do Angels Win.  

Ash and Ember -Written By Michael Fink

Ash and Ember

May 8, 2014 at 4:30pm

Gravitating to a bed unmade
By my very existence, to a second state
Of consciousness, a life of unearned penance
Of undeserved resentment, but I'll turn that hatred
To ashes, burn what remains of my regrets
And live amongst the embers
Who rise against the stars that birthed them
Claim the wind that carries them
As a lover, who brings them full circle
With a touch of her lips
Til even death looks on with envy
And pities the cold in his own hands
I live, against all odds and
Despite the consequence
I give openly of my breath, I'll lead you to the end
With a smile on your lips
Where a quiet soul keeps the body whole
I'll have you screaming out each sentence
Begging to be taken apart again
Til you can see your heart again
Beating fiercely in my hands
Let's dance, I've brought the apocalypse just for this
And you to witness
You to give in
To every moment spent
In this bed, to leave unsaid
All but passion, whose echoes will be heard
Across oceans, among the hopeless
And the already dead
A lover to bring the world through
To morning, only to hear you whisper
Under your breath
I am waiting out these hours
Til night dares come
Again.

-Michael Fink

I feel like Michael poetry lately is is stating my own personal life just written differently Michael ?????
:) 

Behind The Counter

Scratching at guard gates
building shelves the ones we been placed on
Theirs a  look your soul gives when it's been condemned

And you staring  at the world with a glare
taking mis- steps to find your way home
broken

Small town forgives empty glasses
but how do we find the glory
I predict your fate

I'm telling you to stand in the window
of the cold cell you sit in
As you watch the world pass you by

Your left with a drink and your sitting on the bench
A slave to regret

A hollow grave,

Stuck upon the shelf.

I sit in front of an audience
I am screaming
The world has begun and ended a hundred times over again

Take your lovers hand
I will show you

How deleted lines carry over
like over due library books
I will file them away.

Scratching at the guard gates
Bleeding to the core

There is a glory
Arms open wide

Stuck upon the shelf
Waiting to be saved.





 

A Lover's View -written by Michael Fink ( I wish I wrote this ) Sometimes people write our words so much better. That is why we are writers ...

A Lover's View

May 4, 2014 at 10:06am

The stars are all dead, she said
The light you see is too late for them
We've nothing to save us left
And I begged her gaze upon the black
Which blankets a space more vast, and said
There are countless stars among those depths
Whose light hasn't reached us yet
There is no time for love, she cried
There are too few moments in life
And we've none free to set aside
And I asked her to lie in my bed
Where our burdens might be shed, and said
We might be short-lived, and yet
Tonight, we are only short of breath
One must not fear death or life
One must not recoil from the light
For all that we have endured in our time
We have ensured that we will ever shine

And when someone else gazes upon that same night sky
Let us love so bright, that if they fear the stars have died
They will know, those two still glow, whose love approaches the divine
Should you fear we have no time, I assure you we have all our lives
And the eternity by which they will remember our light
As lovers who knew only one truth in life
That the strength of the soul will conquer the coldest of nights
That we are home when we find ourselves in a lover's eyes.

The stars are all dead, she said
And smiled knowing, we need not their light.

Wriiten - Michael Fink 

This

I find the shooting star slipping like loose sand between finger prints
smudged on a lost heart that no longer belongs to me.

I see the evidence of you in everything I'm erasing
My drive is slow today
Music streams down my face

I change the station
and manage to find you more not less.

They say strength comes from death.
But you brought me back to life again.

So tell me how do I re write a story I never wrote
or re wrote before.

If I was to send this letter
I am afraid it would be left un answered

I am left here affected
and none the less
with out regret

You can have the stamp
and envelope
of a letter
lost

a love finally found

at the cost
of being un buried
and if you can hear me
screaming from six feet underneath

The sail folds and she breaths
open your palm
do you see?

behind your eyes
she bleeds
behind your heart
she beats

You know they say
Strength comes from death
but you,
brought me back to life again.

War Commander - Repost

Monday, September 13, 2010

War Commander

Static builds and I tend to this war ship
I roll my cigar Talk with the captain and she wags her tail
Pick up the radio
Are you there - listening
the storm gathers

He says your beautiful
I’m holding on
I’m the only passenger
He says in Morris code
I raise my hands Its just you and me
Ms. Captain Commander
We sail these seas together

The message is clear
the wind is cold
I smile against the arms of tomorrow

I hear it in the voice of reason
And I might not be a writer
But I am the best fighter
I watch the smoke clear the air

I break the sail
Man the tide
I cant turn back
It's now or never darling

Morris code- Captain
War ship is beginning to falter
Ignore the signs!

It's now or never!
I laugh

 Captain wags her tail
A smile breaks my back
As we move into first place
As we watched them walk away….

I might not be the best writer
But I am the best fighter
Static fades

 Message is loud and clear
The fog lifts
Its now or never!

Sie sind meine ersten- you are my first

Tracing along the lines
has never been my intention

Hiding amongst mirrors
so I can not be found

finally you think you reach the bottom
it's your very own reflection

I smoke my cigar alone
another drowning
another chapter written.

The game of the Cheshire cat
where no one knows Alice


the glass has been broken
she can't find the words to write

twisted inside the maze she finds
that was once on the out side

some one has broken in .
The cat begins to lose faith

It's the great robbery I say
the greatest in history.

Dear Diary

For lack of better terms I find myself in the grocery store hunting for a magazine . As I walk effortlessly through the isle I scold myself for becoming a society robot , or have I ? I'm walking the isle in my victoria secret sweats ( no they do not say pink on my derie'r) my hair is tied up in a pony tail , and I have no make up . It's Easter Sunday and I'm surrounded by woman out in their Sundays best and today I don't care .

So why am I here ? The magazine . Playboy that is . You see as a woman I need to compare to see why or how these perfect woman have what it takes to win the world . ( do I really believe that ?) no .
Today I am seeing a plastic surgeon to have fixed what another ruined years ago . So here is the magazine Dr. Can you , in inretrospect just get me close to this ?

I find the isle I'm looking for , the magazine rack and the dirty secret of woman listed on the pages and pages of perfection , I pick it up and go on my marry way . Sweats and all . Scolding my very own right of passage as I enter the check out line . Can't a man love a woman who isn't a play boy perfect girl ? Can a man love me ? Then I realize the war is not with the world or against other woman the war is simply with in myself .

So the lesson here is love your self . And anyone who does not love you for who you are , can go kiss your victoria secret wearing ass . End of story .

The Breaking

There is something to winding back watches
begging their forgiveness
a crowd stands before you
Do they know your name
the man of the hour

freedom - our religion
dividing and subtracting time
muted eyes- a circus- a crime

enjoying collisions
while some walk away

The audience always the same
the road speaks 

I walk silent in your jacket
Etched in letters and sand scripts
begging to know the secret

all along not knowing
the answer to my own messages

the only thing that is

dotted I and punctuations to metered rhyme
are finished by
you

Freedom is my name
Air is my love
you are my sky

if this finishes your sentences and phrases
I can be the audience with finished irises

with lost puzzle pieces that along the way make a picture
of roads that meet

in the middle where I know your name.  

Repost - Rain Coat ( because it's a favorite of mine )

There’s a famous jacket who toured the world with buttons

What were those buttons?

Brass with those clasps

Hanging on your words in the morning light

Under your shadow

I try to remove with a new dawn
As it gets erased with your sunset eyes
Tell me as I remember you
With your raincoat
I fancy you in my glasses and lip gloss

As it pours down heaven

So maybe if time didn’t have a name
And a stamp
I could wear this dress a little longer

Instead I am here
With tasseled reminders
Of overdue library books
And unrequited looks

An Iris dilated in reform
In search for her soul

But we all know…
This letter will always be lost in the mail…

Heart Pocket

The radio static is loud
I can't judge the deadly
I can't drive 200 on a road that ends.

Unravel the tread on this old highway
I know nothing that is sane
I know all to well the game.

I get out of the car
I hear still the music playing.

Heart pounding
sweat pouring down my face
everything I once knew fades

The bullet
now racing through these veins.

What happens when you lose control.
What happens when you have an Ace.

Your standing at the edge of a lost road and your begging for more freeway.

I scream

All that I am is swimming

I walk in a room

calmly.

No one knows

I'm lost at sea.

Fuck you

I am the hunter.

Now I am the prey.

Fuck you

I play the game of poker

You are the Ace

Fuck you

for winning.

You took my heart pocket

Stole the key away

Nothing Underneath

I write the storm letters
As laughter drops from black and broken clouds
A conscience is lost behind smoke.

I sit on benchmarks and sleep on silk bed post
cuffed and alone.

Heroes lost and long gone.

Music plays , I stand in a room crowded
and I am alone with you.

Yet you are not here
with me.


Tell me the secret
what do I do with half hearts and broken miles?

I’ve already traveled so far.
I am invisible.

An orphan lost in the snow.
Left alone with only a smile.

The one you gave to me.

My About - old post reposted

Carpe Diem.... Life Is A Stage .. What is your part.. Live without regret..Live loudly..Wish Big...Always accept an invitation.. Always follow your dreams.. Always love like you've never been hurt before.. Always hold onto your Aces..Dance like you drank a little too much..Never let any one tell you who you are.. Always be who you are.. Never let any one yell at you and tell you it's all your fault ... We are here to be loved not misused , abused , or taken for granted.. Never forget to Pray because God never forgets you... I love Italian Food and I love to live dangerously.. I love scary movies and I want to go back packing ... My dream is to see castles in England and to find my prince who can give his heart whole heartedly... I love to write poetry , The ocean is my sanity , I love to smile.. I love my friends they're always there to catch me when I fall .. or when I've been pushed around.. I love my son Austin he is my hero.. My light at the end of every tunnel.. God is my passion he leads me through every dark night.. and every scary battle.. And here I am now.. Loving you ... Loving life for all that it has to give me.. Good and bad.. tears and smiles.. Nights of loneliness and some full of love... Lets all do this ride together.... Here we go. No Regrets...

Rogue wave

Rogue waves (also known as freak waves, monster waves, killer waves, extreme waves, and abnormal waves) are relatively large and spontaneous ocean surface waves that occur far out at sea, and are a threat even to large ships and ocean liners.

Rogue wave - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogue_wave

- rogue wave is also a savior to me -War-commander 

The Great Wish

The core breaks away
like puzzle pieces and frames
fragmented and frozen
I paste them perfectly on a wish


I scream inside a hallway
no one hears me

They tell me I am special
My eyes are bleeding
the mirror is faltering
pills empty

I win with out wars-
They're expired dates on an empty shelf

Traded and sold

Trying to sell my freedom
in return for chains.

The core,
breaks away.


There is everything in between

I fade to grey
I get everything I want


He has me this time
I'm losing

I'm ripping my soul.
I cant save her

she's half way in
and a thousand steps out from the drowning.

Pasted perfectly
the candles are lit

its not even my fucking birthday
I'm just trying to save the wish
 

Letter Of A Car Salesman

The devil concludes on two shoulders
I sit calmly in the middle
I contend with fools
I listen silently all the while they mock me

I deafen my sanity
the band plays loud
They have no idea I have a PHD in their stupidity
and I spit on there superstar misery.

I am a guide to destination zero
A hero of circumstance
I don't need  validation from the circus
I make the art gallery perform

So tell me
I am now amused
I have my hat on.

Let's just take a shot in the dark
Ill take this chance
my heart hangs on a coat rack
in your closet

I'm sitting in the car
letting you drive.

I've never been the passenger.
Lead me into the road
of laughter and shattered windshields

I'm ready

To break the 9-5
of the demons that haunt my day
and the love that haunts my night

a letter of the car salesman
I don't belong here
take me

for a ride.

Fiction

Stories fill the cracks of this letter
and the canvas has paint left to dry

Left with some to reckon
and more to write

this story has been made into fiction
but the storm was the seine  of my transgression

Rogue wave counts as a savior
and ships get lost to sea

where they go
is between you and me.

I travel this road alone.

A captain of my boat

The rewards are weeping.

Not sinking.
There's a punishment for losing heart
and a strength for taking it.

My wisdoms have caught up with me
Like the tide I no longer sleep.

So this tale is not finished
My audience awaits me

Waiting for the next chapter to be written
An account of a compass and her sea.

I

Winter sets in , while it's warm outside
Thought I could change his mind
Oh sweet girl he says , I just needed to fill some time .

My dress and ribbons run red
I'm late for the dance
And I'm alone
They ask for my hand

The piano plays
There's a hundred boys
But you are not here

Tears run down my face
I'm missing cut out hearts
Left in your pocket yesterday

So

I walk with skinned kness
Thought I could maybe change your mind
Thought maybe you could
Love me

But the piano plays ever so quietly as she cries
Cries Herself to sleep

She puts her helmet back on
Oh dear girl , you were just a smile to me ...

Perfect Storm .

I am packed and understated
eyes full- hands disinagrated
words colored , double lined

If I , could I , bleed onto your pages?

I read empty inboxes
blinking alarms and green lenses
are filed away like cards

I can't think of the words
to rhyme with moving
or changing my life....

I can't find the song

and here is the deleted line.


My sail is torn.
My compass drawn

I am lost in your storm

Will you find me out North
or be my rain.

Warcammander is in concession

I'm shaking
my audience is full
She is smiling at the hurricane

Will we survive this?

No sir we won't.

Eulogy Of My Dying Day . Mary Cimmino - My Beautiful Grandmother

Grandmother,


I can't believe you are gone.

I was just 5 when I sat on your white marble sink and you curled my hair for mass on Sunday morning.

I was just 7 when you took me to Macy's to buy the most beautiful skirt a little girl could dream of.

I was 7 half stealing those delicious cookies out of the cookie jar, and even though you said only one Amers... I know you put them in their for our visit .

When I was 12 and almost died you were there when I got in my terrible accident.

When I was 18 you made sure I went to college.

When I was 20 I remember you were the best grandma to my newly born son Austin,
he played in your crib you set out for him at your house.

Your house was always a home to us grandma . You always made sure we had what we needed and gave us so much love.
you never asked for anything in return as far as I could remember.

When I grew older you told me to find the right man for my children. And I promised I would.

I sit now at your bed side knowing you will pass soon, and your smiling.
Can you imagine dying ?

I can't.

She was not crying.

She was smiling. Just looking at all of us around her. She couldn't say much, but her smile said it all.
As she grasped for words I grabbed her hand and I knew how much you loved me grandma.

I tried to think of a poem to write or a story. But I could not. How could I write about my love for you.

Thank you for loving us in all our flaws, thank you for loving my babies. Thank you for your strength and wisdom.
And most of all thank you for your smile that always entered first in a room.

-Amy

Gaurds

Post a mask over iris
I have you as a ghost
I can't hide
I try

hidden under an army of good byes

I laugh at your hello
and smile at your good night.

I write the story
I scream inside

No one will ever read it
But it's mine.

I love your smile
and that's ok.

because you changed my light
inside dark eyes

It's something worth believing
head in the clouds
Hands in my pocket

with one wish left...

Its what you left me with.

Miles

This is my memoir
I am waiting for the way-
to show me the road I have never seen before

The one I have never traveled
Who can show me?

I sit in the crowd ?

amongst the mundane.

Waiting
Looking for super hero's and Whitman's in the rain.
nothing impresses me.

I've seen it all before.

I play the piano differently
but you have to be able to hear my song
to understand me .

It's midnight
the coffee is cold and my words are long

My lips are puffy and my conversation odd

but I will not search
I just sit here and play the song.

I see you across the way
you have my smile.

Whether you can here me play or not.
I may never know.

But this one's for you kid.
A million miles away and all...

The Story (1)

I crave the numbness of the 9-5
heroin tracks of emotion are left on ring fingers
with nothing left but a gun.

I walk into magazine add but less gloss and more spread
changing the way I read and leaving photograph's instead.

Never got me far I say.

Tell me sir,

If I was beautiful why don't they stay?

I change the station
music plays

I am reminded of your bourbon smile- perfect face
I sob silently

I belong no- where
nothing tames me

yet nothing calls my name -

Alice I say.

Holding picture frame.


You will never know the secret

I will never tell

Unless you find her.

But no one has, have they.

Buried under time,
in the 9-5.

searching for something more.
looking for the No.

Flight (1)

There is a pillow for a cape
she is so brave
she wears a smile
not so beautiful, I say

the boys they line up one by one
but they wont remember her name

"she cry's alone" she says.

She sets the stage
the audience has no idea
the audience has no care

she is the hero for the day
no one here to save her day

cast a funny shaped smile for you
tired and broken framed

She sits alone
Anastasia waits
Like Alice and there is no train

Tell me


What is real?

I have a conversation with the red baron
I dare him to set sail

And I watch him fly far away.

There is trouble

on the horizon

Who will know her name ?