Burdens

 Satan really attacked me this past few weeks. Is that because a blessing is coming , I had a fallout with a friend that ultimately ended a friendship if you know me you know how forgiving I am so you can guess it was pretty bad . I was scammed out of every single penny I had saved for my Hawaii trip, food and bills. 

I was heavily disappointed by other things. I spent my day off praying out loud in my house. 

I am trusting in God to help me with my enemies, to help me get money I leave Monday and to just answer the questions that have been left undone . It’s a big leap of faith and positivity on my part . 

But really it’s all I have is Jesus . There’s nothing else 

Here I am on my knees waiting on you Lord in all this confusion and war may I keep the peace as you fight these battles and see me through 

Waiting

 

I’m 45, I’ve never had a wedding I never had a ring , I’ve been in the deepest love that brought me to the deepest parts of the ocean I almost drowned there . 

I know what it is to give all that I am for someone I also know that love isn’t always enough. I know that God has to come first , God has taught me so many lessons and I left everything to follow him I call it walking on water in faith 

God saved my life. I been single 6 years. I don’t want a 1 night stand I don’t want to date for fun, I want to date with a purpose . 

I never want to find myself in the ocean again. I’m waiting on God for the right person. About 3 weeks ago God pressed upon my heart that it would be soon. I can wait it will be worth it . God is first . 

I’ve always been an orphan to love,God taught me what true love looked like . 

When it comes it won’t be confusing 

I’ll know , I prayed for a specific sign 

I’m focused on Gods will sharing his word with the homeless and the lost 

Until then maybe soon he will send me the one.

Deep Waters

 I don’t have the answers . I just know I have to trust in God he has taught me that his plan is better and it’s bigger 

He has saved me from hell he saved me from death he freed me from myself and un forgiveness . 

Battles come where the waters are deep but he is the air I breathe . I wish I could get married but I have to wait on God for that too , God is my first love.

I I feel like I’m getting older and weary sometimes I think 

How much longer do I have to wait , but God said to remember Job’s story . I know it’s worth waiting on him . 

Thank you Lord for my blessings , thank you lord for saving me , saving me from myself . 

The Hope

 No matter how hard things have gotten God has blessed me. I went to Hawaii this year I’m going twice ! Last year I couldn’t pay rent. God provided me a new car , and everything I’ve needed through times that were impossible . I was reading over my old blogs of times of struggle crying out to God, in each season he’s teaching me something new . This season is not to worry. I tend to have a big heart and worry so much ! 

I’m learning to give things to God. Lay them at his feet ! 

I don’t need to be rich to be blessed . I just need to be able to pay my bills and be near the ocean ! Thank you God ! 

If you are ever in times of trouble have faith in God he will not go back in his promise be faithful seek him . 

God is not a liar , read his word ! Thank you Lord 

Falling Again (1)

 I’m I’m picking up stars from the ground 

It’s unusual the way I hear it 

Every word - why aren’t you here where you belong . 

I’m carving out our hello with my fingers over and over again . 

Tracing over forever . Don’t leave again . 

I’m sifting through crowds , never settling , always alone . 

We can talk through these conversations as I lay alone in my bed . But I would much rather have you here . 

You’re my anchor and it’s a storm outside . 

And I pray . Don’t let this slip away . 

Love like this only comes once . 

Once when it’s true .  I’m picking up stars from the ground 

It’s unusual the way I hear it 
Every word - why aren’t you here where you belong . 

I’m carving out our hello with my fingers over and over again . 

Tracing over forever . Don’t leave again . 

I’m sifting through crowds , never settling , always alone . 

We can talk through these conversations as I lay alone in my bed . But I would much rather have you here . 

You’re my anchor and it’s a storm outside . 

And I pray . Don’t let this slip away . 

Love like this only comes once . 

Once when it’s true .  I’m picking up stars from the ground 

It’s unusual the way I hear it 

Every word - why aren’t you here where you belong . 

I’m carving out our hello with my fingers over and over again . 

Tracing over forever . Don’t leave again . 

I’m sifting through crowds , never settling , always alone . 

We can talk through these conversations as I lay alone in my bed . But I would much rather have you here . 

You’re my anchor and it’s a storm outside . 

And I pray . Don’t let this slip away . 

Love like this only comes once . 

Once when it’s true . 

 picking up stars from the ground 

It’s unusual the way I hear it 

Every word - why aren’t you here where you belong . I’m picking up stars from the ground 

It’s unusual the way I hear it 

Every word - why aren’t you here where you belong . 

I’m carving out our hello with my fingers over and over again . 

Tracing over forever . Don’t leave again . 

I’m sifting through crowds , never settling , always alone . 

We can talk through these conversations as I lay alone in my bed . But I would much rather have you here . 

You’re my anchor and it’s a storm outside . 

And I pray . Don’t let this slip away . 

Love like this only comes once . 

Once when it’s true . 

I’m carving out our hello with my fingers over and over again . 

Tracing over forever . Don’t leave again . 

I’m sifting through crowds , never settling , always alone . 

We can talk through these conversations as I lay alone in my bed . But I would much rather have you here . 

You’re my anchor and it’s a storm outside . 

And I pray . Don’t let this slip away . 

Love like this only comes once . 

Once when it’s true . 

I’m I’m picking up stars from the ground 

It’s unusual the way I hear it 

Every word - why aren’t you here where you belong . 

I’m picking up stars from the ground 

It’s unusual the way I hear it 

Every word - why aren’t you here where you belong . 

I’m carving out our hello with my fingers over and over again . 

Tracing over forever . Don’t leave again . 

I’m sifting through crowds , never settling , always alone . 

We can talk through these conversations as I lay alone in my bed . But I would much rather have you here . 

You’re my anchor and it’s a storm outside . 

And I pray . Don’t let this slip away . 

Love like this only comes once . 

Once when it’s true . 

I’m carving out our hello with my fingers over and over again . 

Tracing over forever . Don’t leave again . 

I’m sifting through crowds , never settling , always alone . 

We can talk through these conversations as I lay alone in my bed . But I would much rather have you here . 

You’re my anchor and it’s a storm outside . 

And I pray . Don’t let this slip away . 

Love like this only comes once . 

Once when it’s true . 

picking up stars from the ground 

It’s unusual the way I hear it 

Every word - why aren’t you here where you belong . 

I’m carving out our hello with my fingers over and over again . 

Tracing over forever . Don’t leave again . 

I’m sifting through crowds , never settling , always alone . 

We can talk through these conversations as I lay alone in my bed . But I would much rather have you here . 

You’re my anchor and it’s a storm outside . 

And I pray . Don’t let this slip away . 

Love like this only comes once . 

Once when it’s true . 

What To Do

 This week I been dealing with a lot of people all at once in different places , times , spaces , telling me I’m not enough. Or better yet , I basically suck as a human being . It seems to be a theme this week . Also this week I made a decision to be more aggressive in my spiritual walk with the Lord and act more into my calling. 

As I sit here in bed I wonder , what have I done that no one wants to be my friend ? I’m not kind enough , or pretty enough,not smart enough. I’m coming to the conclusion I have nothing to offer!!

Then God reminded me as I laid here feeling very small 

That David felt small to against Goliath, and although I feel like I have 10 Goliath’s this week , it’s not about how small David was or the rock that took Goliath out 

But it’s about how Big God is. I’m something to him 

That’s all that matters .That’s the spiritual battle 

The things I wish I knew

 I wish I knew these facts when I was young , it took me years of pain and healing to learn them. I want to share them hoping it can shed some light …. 

1. A person will rip you to shreds for the mere fact that they don’t believe they are enough . So they will say anything they can to push you away , vomiting there brokenness onto you . 

It’s not your job to prove them wrong or save them. It’s there job to get healed . 

2. Don’t sleep with a man to find worthiness . Don’t act in such a way to get validation through sleeping with someone . If they love you , they will wait . If you don’t believe me , then you probably don’t believe you are enough . That is a fact . You have value . 

3.A broken person will see you as themselves . They will never see you for who you are . They only know their trama . Walk away . 

4.Do not stay with an addict . Unless they are in active recovery . Otherwise you are co dependent . Leave and get healing . They have a first love it will never be you

5.Some of the people in your life who are the most hateful to you are either jealous of you or in love with you so be kind . That’s a hard fact  

6.Never mess with someone in a relationship. Cheating and lying is never true love . It’s all a facade 

7. Do not date just to date . Date to marry . If you date to marry , you will wait . You will value your morals , yourself , and your time . 

8. You are enough . You have to believe that . Always put God first . 

One Step

 One step is what I say when things are over whelming 

I look at in whole , I think I must throw the towel in. I’m way over my head. My friend Tristan used to say one foot in front of the other, that amazing advice has followed me through tough times. 

I’ve had many challenges but the one I want to speak on is health. 2 years ago I was at a size zero. I was proud of myself and I worked hard for my body. 

Hours in the gym made me happy , running 3 times a day , had became an addiction. 

When Covid hit and the gyms closed I kind of freaked out. But I did work outs from home and managed but I felt like I was slipping. 

Pretty soon I wasn’t so strict with my eating. Then I was hired at a new job. Except at this one I sat all day and couldn’t leave for a lunch . My previous job I walked all day and went to the gym on my lunch break dedication - it was and my passion . Then last year my mom passed . I must have been depressed because I lost motivation . 

Fast forward to the long hours at work and 2 years later I gained 40 pounds. How did it happen ? How did I wake up one day and not  recognize myself. 

Who was I ? Where did Amy go. 

I was lost . I knew how to be fit but I didn’t know how to be fit and have my job. 

One day I was scrolling through instagram and I had befriended a health Coach . She had the same values and just seemed like a down to earth beautiful person 

I asked her what her secret was and I started on a plan with her . I was desperate . Being single I can’t hate me and I wouldn’t want to date me . So I put my trust in her.

2.5 months later and lost over 20 pounds . I’m not at my end goal yet but what a relief to be going in that direction.

I just wanted to share my story in case someone who is reading this needs a plan , and I can direct you to my health coach !!! 

Never give up no matter what problems arise and further more never give up on yourself ! 

Bruises (1)

 Bruises 

The strings fumble music escapes 

I don’t believe in happy endings but yet I pray for them 

If I rapped the right words to say 

Would you still go away 

Everything disappears 

No faces familiar anymore 

Yet I see you in my melt downs 

It’s why I stay so strong 

I’m in the dark where the snow falls 

But I remember what it is to be warm 

I call my self an orphan 

A child to the storm 

As you strum along 

I hummmmm ….. 

Can anyone hear the song 

Fingers bend 

Lost hands . 

Do you wear my finger prints . 

-Amy Everett 

Importance

 A few years ago when Raigan and I went to David’s Tent , I was called to bring her . God told me he had something in store for her . 

When we went an hour into the worship these girls from United hill song came through the crowd to give her a word from God . It was amazing . 

One of the things she said was God had her on his right side . I never knew what that meant . The girls also said that Jesus was with raigan when she was alone on the swings due to girls bullying her . I didn’t even know at the time Raigan was going through that!

How sweet is Jesus reaching out to her to say I’m here with you and I love you . He also said she was a leader and she was being raised up for his plan and purpose

It was not until later that I found this verse and it all made sense . 

Psalm 110:1 

The LORD says to my Lord: "Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet." The LORD will extend your mighty scepter from Zion; you will rule in the midst of your enemies. Your troops will be willing on your day of battle.

Sometimes we forget that God is not in the small details of life . But he is . And there he was saying Raigan you are not alone I’m here in the field with you as you swing in your sadness .  Raigan was only 9 years old 

God is love . I need to remember this with my own enemies , deceivers , evil doers . 

God has his hand on us it’s real . 

Conditions of The Heart

 Jesus says you know his people by there fruit . Did you know the Bible states that Satan is the author of confusion . Have you ever been a part of something or dated someone where things just didn’t add up . 

If something is of God you will see Gods fruit in there lives . Always remember that . 

 Version

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.Against such things there is no law.

Dear Jesus

 I remembered this moment I had with the Lord a year or more ago. I was praying as I was driving I remembered thinking how silly I was that when I prayed I always say , “ Dear Jesus “. 

Dear Jesus as I laughed at myself …. Who prays like that I wondered . God do you laugh at me ? I never thought about it but I been praying like this since I was a little girl . 

I said Dear Jesus , and prayed on about the stress of my day . 

Half hour later my mom text me said she had a word for me from the Lord . 

It went like this : 

( Dear Amy , )

I don’t honestly remember the rest I do remember it answered the question I had prayed about that day and it seems silly I know . But it really showed me how much Jesus really loves us . How much he listens to our hearts even if we sound silly he knows how much we love him and he is there to say , Amy I love you too 

I was so thankful for my mom . Devastated when she passed . God had used her often for words of knowledge for myself , I quite wondered who or how could anyone take her place . But God sends others . 

I do miss my mom greatly . But I wanted to share this message so you know your not alone God is always listening . 

Home

 Its been a while since I’ve written on here. But I’m here now. You know when you loved someone it do-sent go away.  You may not know what the future will bring but love does not die . 

I been single so many years . Trying to build a relationship with God and myself . Most importantly guarding my weathered heart . 

I’m not sure it’s up for any heart ache. I’ve had enough and staying safe has worked for me . But …. I don’t want to die without ever knowing someone loved me 

I’ve always felt like I was an orphan to love. It’s been my prayer for God to send me someone . But not just anyone . The one. I’m good with waiting . 

How will I know when he comes ? I imagine it won’t be confusing and it will happen the way God intends it 

But I am 44. So I pray he brings that person soon 

I’m independent and fine being alone . But I know I have a lot to give . I don’t want to re read this at 50 stil be single . Gods plans . 

In His Name

 In the mighty name of Jesus I overthrow all transaction contrary to my breakthrough, every power jamming answers to my prayers disappear, by the blood of Jesus I shake down the seat of darkness in my heavens, I reject the power of satanic human government over my finances IN THE NAME OF JESUS!

Those that have used the power of leaves and dust against me, I decree a halt of your government over my life, I turn the table against every sorcerer in the place of my employment, business or work, no witch or wizard will prosper in the place of my employment, business or work, All satanic power can no longer kidnap my spirit IN THE NAME OF JESUS!

I decree and declare great casualty upon witches and wizards operating in my neighbourhood, the judgment of God shall torment the powers of darkness working against me both at night and in the morning, the night shall carry terror and anger against all satanic powers that are standing against me, I command the storm of destruction to gather upon every satanic power that is against my health IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS!

Right now my prayers have become earthquakes and storms in the camp of the devil that is against my life, the Lord shall gather his armors against powers that are against my intellectual growth, all sickness in my life known or unknown receive heavenly storm, all conspiracy against any part of my body receive destruction now IN THE NAME OF JESUS!

I break out of your spell now satan.

In the name of JESUS I command the deep wells within me to be unblocked and break forth!

The storm of the Lord shall pursue and overtake all powers conspiring for my demotion, From now on all my enemies will start to fight themselves I decree confusion into the camp of my enemies IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS!

FAVOUR is my name.............the devil has nothing on me! he only has one option, either to be beaten or be beaten he was, he is and he will remain a loser...

I AM NEVER ALONE... EITHER WE ARE CONTROLLED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT OR CONTROLLED BY DEMONS... right now I pray against any demon working in my life, by the POWER of the Holy ghost I brake every chain that they have used to connect themselves to me!!

I speak freedom. healing, deliverance and breakthrough In the name of JESUS

Today, I decree and declare that I are a spell breaker, no curses that run over bloodlines can stand the blood of Jesus, all generational curses are being thrown over a cliff. In Jesus mighty and matchless name,

AMEN!!

Painted Face

 Every day I go to work, get dressed up and pretend it’s all ok. On my days off I am tired and sad . You probably wouldn’t recognize me 

Sweat pants , no make up . Even though I know in my heart my mom will pull through it’s hard right . I’m alone. 

Today I called her phone and left a message since I can’t talk to her . I know she can’t get my message but I felt better . I love this job I make great money but lately it’s been slow 

My life has uncertainties and that’s hard . I put my best face on go to work and forget . 

Everything seems to be moving in slow motion 

How did we get here ? Things were going well 

Trust in God I say 

Trust in God 

Passes

 I caught my breath 

Standing on this ledge alone 

There’s not much to say 

Except / I am the world 

You can’t try to paint your colors on me 

But I am not your canvas . 

I am the one who walked through the fire 

I survived this . 

You can’t push me over this ledge 

Held together by your paper clips 

I’m needle and thread . 

I count my joy in the sky with every star that is shining . 

I can’t feel the numb of your presence 

Of the blind . 

I am my own canvas 

Yours black and white 

Carlsbad Village Drive and Vince

 This story isn't maybe what you think it might be. Carlsbad Village Drive is my favorite place to go . But that isn’t what this story is about either. Every time I go when I get off the freeway there is the same homeless man at the corner right there by the gas station every day . There is something special about him. First I noticed every morning he does daily exercises I also notice he quite older and dresses every day in his black leather jacket I wonder what in life got him there 

He could be a grandfather , a father , a son. He is a cute man who always wears pink sunglasses and as I drove by him every day I couldn’t take not knowing him or not helping him 

I stopped the other day to help him. My daughter and I brought him food his name is Vince. This story is about Vince

He was so polite and kind . I wish I had the money to give him a home. We stop to see Vince frequently most of the time he won’t take my money because he says I’m a single mom I mean seriously ? Vince you have no home !!! 

If anyone goes to Carlsbad Village gets off the 5 he is always by the gas station in a black leather jacket pink glasses and grey beard . Please help him . I only have so much to give 

Vince is amazing and I’m asking for help. Thank you 

True Miracle

 This isn’t an average story of tales or politics. It’s a story a personal story I need to share in light of what’s been going on and what I’ve come to know. Let me put in my head phones really quick and I will tell you. Last week a young man prayed over my seizures stating God wanted to heal me. Of course I said yes. God has healed many things in my life but this has been the biggest challenge, the scariest and most potential fatal health issue I have. He put his hands on my shoulders he began to pray . As he prayed God spoke to him about my back as well . He commanded my epilepsy to go and my spine to be alined. As he prayed at first I felt nothing but as he prayed I felt this over whelming sadness come from inside I began to cry . From deep within . It was more then the epilepsy God was upon us and those were buried wounds from a tired soldier. 

As he finished praying I looked up at him , his hands were covered in oil . Yep oil . Anointed from God himself. We were in the middle of an empty room . His hands were previously on my jacket . I knew we were anointed . 

If you don’t believe in God I’ve seen it for myself his wonders in so many things and I have a thousand stories. 

But the best is the stories I have from having a personal relationship with him. You can’t have a personal relationship with Jesus and harbor hatred . You can’t have one snd not have compassion for your enemies or the poor and most of all I’ve learned in your walk with Christ you cannot have fear. 

God Is love if you are not love God is not in you . His love cast out fear and hatred . I don’t know where my life is going but my life is in his hands.  People will try to control you or cause you to have fear . They are not walking with God or they would know his great power on your life . 

I just want to say seek God it doesn’t matter how the world is now something bigger is going on. Evil is at work . Be the good in this world . Seek God . He will never fail you . 

The Reason

 I think when you finally love someone in a way you couldn’t explain to someone else. The perfect love in that the relationship it’s self was far from perfect but the love was unconditional. I fought with more then what I ever had. I escaped barely alive. It didn’t work out but I sacrificed everything to make it work. It’s not the come and go love but it was the soul mate kind of love. Where you ultimately give everything of ones self even put all that you are aside for someone else. To love to forgive to die to yourself. 

To even lose them is beside the point. But I’m losing was a death in it’s self to spend time in mourning. It’s all of this is why I’m single. It’s all of this is why I wait on God for healing , for the next step, comes so cautiously. 

I grabbed my fathers hand ( Jesus ) told him I won’t let go and I promised Jesus I would trust him in guidance . You can’t replace a shattered soul with on line dating or just any come and go prospect . 

It’s up to the king of kings now.once you’ve gone through the pain , you learn to give your heart to God for protecting and it’s up to him now who gets it next or maybe it will stay with him but at least I know it’s safe: 

For now we are healing and chasing After Jesus. So even though I wish so much to be married or to have that void filled. I also know what it takes to fill it. So if someone ask why I’m single this is why , it’s up to Jesus . Because that’s where we’re at . Thank you Lord for grabbing my hand when I needed it the most . And being the man I needed and giving an orphan to love , and bringing her love when she had none 

Every Day

 Every Day . 

Did I leave you with the scent of my words 

The kind you can’t wash off your skin 

The ones you can’t un-see 

In this dim world the stars tip there hat 

Am I the light you secretly hold on too - 

Was I the lost weapon hidden under your drawers . 

I escape with lacerations - 

I escape on the mend . 

One thing is for sure 

I can’t let you forget 

Because every day remains the same 

Here you are on my ribs I see your name 

It’s the truth in blood 

Coursing through your veins 

Impossible to dis / spell 

When souls that are one 

Never - can be two. 

It’s the kind of pain you enjoy 

It’s the pain you hold on too 

Because it’s the only way 

I can’t lose 

You . 

-Amy Everett