David’s Tent - God Came

I want to tell you about David’s Tent so maybe if you read this you will go. They started in the UK as a few people on a mission to get people to Christ . It’s 72 hours of worship that’s grown to thousands
God was calling me to go with Raigan . I thought maybe I could be used their for his purpose I wasn’t sure but I had to be obedient.

The past few months have been rough at work in July I had one of my best months yet but the months that followed were my worst . Here I was one of the top salesman looking at how to sign up at food banks , I wondered how God let us fall so far. It’s never been like this. No food for days, can’t pay my phone my car I begged God why?Where was he?We were alone .

Not to mention my ex boyfriend who I been religiously praying for who is an addict that God may heal him ( I sincerely ) believed with all my heart this would happen , I got a message from him Sunday night that answered my confusion once and for all.This person is not with God I need to let him go.

He hurt me over and over all I did was love,pray and wait . I got paid Thursday morning with not enough money to pay my bills I bought the tickets to David’s Tent. I knew we needed more of Jesus so we went.Me and Raigan in tow.

As we arrived it was so pretty in Del Mar about a thousand people worshiping Jesus was awesome to see my 8 year old daughter worshiping  God just melted my heart . As we sang I wondered what and why God called us here .

Raigan began to grow tired,it was late she wanted to go home but I knew we couldn’t leave yet
One of our favorite songs came on ( what a beautiful name ) Raigan asked if we could go up front to sing. I was so glad I didn’t want to go I was waiting on God I knew something was to happen .

As we sang our hearts out to God a few more songs were played and Raigan was ready to leave.
As we made our way out of the crowd 2 girls followed us and said Jesus had a word for Raigan . I thought yes!This was it!She kneeled in front of Raigan : I don’t remember the word exactly how it was said but she told Raigan she was made to be a leader she was brave and had courage and God was going to use her to fight with him and she was to be by his side to help people come to Christ and the adventure was starting now . She was going to start hearing his voice and she felt left out at school they told her not to feel that way because God made her apart and a leader for a reason and God dances with her in the fields . She was a warrior and God has gone before her to fight her battles and to not be afraid and God will bless her dreams .

Then she told me that she knew I was in mourning ( my ex ) and that God knew I have had disappointment after disappointment since I was a child but I have forged my own way through with Christ and when I look back thousands will follow because of my testimony and my example has made raigan the leader in Christ she is and will be . She said God is going to fill my emptiness with joy and I’ll be able to dance over my disappointments and all my prayers God will answer with a yes

Me and raigan were both crying our eyes out.
They said my testimony was so powerful . I thank God for being on time for us . God is so good everything happens for a reason . If your struggling God hears you . Just pray have faith . They told Raigan to write her word in a journal she did and carried to school it is the cutest thing .

 Now I pray for business at work pray God will bless us in this time . Thank you for reading

Listen up

Bad things happen in life that destroy you 

People you gave your life and heart to will break you in ways you will never recover from 

You will be put in situations you never thought you would survive . 

Here I am in the storm . 

A big f&@$ storm 

I’m not the victim 

I’m bigger then this . 

All though I may have 

Broke . 

All though I may be in a dark place 

I know I’m a survivor . 

And all they are - are giants we are David’s 

Our help comes from God . 

Results

Road is covered in fog 

My hands bound to memories 

The kind that survived the war . 

No one is listening 

They make up there own memoirs 

About me . 

I tell you to your face with mine red 

Lips displaced 

I’m a survivor not a victim 

I’m not second best . 

We don’t have rules here 

But as the sun grows tired 

I’m reminded of just who I am . 

Why can’t you see it for yourself 

I said . 

The crowd ( jokers ) 

I rest my hand on my chin . 

King me please she said . 

No one listens again 

As I stand here alone . 

I’m ok with that 

Prayer List

Every day I have the same things I pray for . It’s an easy list most things have not come to pass maybe it’s in Gods timing or maybe God is saying no . I’ve learned in my prayers to leave them at just that. And cast all my cares upon God . So this is my new practice. Like will he come home and get better or will I get my own home ? Can me and Raigan find our way to San Diego ?

I leave my prayer list to him . But I used to worry about those prayers not coming true now I just pray and trust God will handle things as he sees best . This has made room for a little peace and joy instead of inner term oil. But what is this waiting period for . Healing ? Surrender ?

I don’t know what the bigger picture is , but things have changed so drastically in a year God has completely changed my entire heart like I have a whole new one

I’m not ashamed of 2019 was an immense year of growth , learning and healing. 2020 is coming I want to be a wife and a have a home . If that happens it will be a miracle because I’m called to be alone right now and be still . So here I am God giving you my all . Xoxo

Fossils

I don’t want to stay here 

I move forward in quicksand 

I’m tired and it’s hot outside 

Do you ever find yourself here 

I try to detach . Then your there 

In the parking lot , in the crowd 

In traffic . 

I see you in the window as I walk at night 

I feel like leaving but no matter what 

I’m there 

And so are you . 

Am I capable of ever not loving 

You . 

I live with this ghost 

It’s like the arrow of Cupid 

Took his last turn so here I am 

His last student 

Failing . As I sit here alone in the rain . 

Fuck this . 

There are no answers are there . 

I’m not even quite sure maybe I’m peter 

Peter Pan . 

I’m not capable of loving again . 

I wish I could be addicted to something 

Else besides 

Missing 

You . 

I lay here quietly 

Letting it all take me 

Watching the clock 

Wondering . 

How it got this way . 

Bucket List

Before I die I must accomplish


1. Getting married in Yosemite
2. Actually getting proposed to for first time
3.having house by ocean
4. Retiring in a forest
5. Going to England
6. Being super successful at a business
7. Doing mission trips

This is the most important things to do before I die .

The Blessing

I realize that the closer we get to God the more the enemy ( Satan ) will come after us. I noticed as I get closer to God closer to my blessings the armies have come in strides. I let it get me down last month . People stealing sales , no sales , it’s been rough not to mention all the other bad stuff has been crazy . The luck is so bad it’s become a known thing like wide spread . The enemy is out . It’s funny you know I’ve been through it , but I’ve never been closer to God then I am now . God called me to help save thousands my mentor said . How I asked God . This has been my focus . I remembered praying for my ex a year ago and God told me he needed to heal him and I needed God to let him do that he also told me to be prepared to be a missionary . A year later my mentor gave me the same word from God in prayer . She said thousands of people . I’m going to David’s Tent in Del Mar October 10. It’s 3 days of worship and it’s supposed to be a miracle time of healing I’m so there to let God use me !!! Let’s go Jesus . Gods power is big I think we forget about that . It’s so important to stay reading the Bible . This month I been reading Psalms. With the enemy coming against me and raigan it’s a great book in the Bible to read . God told me in my car a few days ago not to worry anymore I’ve been full of worry . I believe God has this . For the first time I believe he’s got this all of it . My broken heart , my job , my finances , my friends , family , loved ones . God is big Amen !

I’m 41 I told God I just want to settle down please . But God has called me to do his work right now
But I pray I don’t die alone . Here is me focusing on Jesus

Fini

I sit here on the edge of this canvas 

Most days it feels like a knife 

Cut through the wrist 

As I find my smile 

In the hope of tomorrow 

When will tomorrow come . 

It’s like that familiar song 

We play over and over 

I dream of the day as I contemplate

Suicide dreams 

As the crowd stares right through me . 

I can’t give up 

I can’t give in . 

Where does that leave me 

This is my life 

With one impression 

I’ve failed as I lie here alone counting 

Memories in the ceiling . 

So tell me as I cast my penny in the well 

Maybe there is one wish left for me 

As I turn the lights off 

And pray he comes home   

Shattering

I’m not sure 

I’m not sure . 

How can we be 

Only God knows . 

So I’m shattered 

And put together at the same time . 

Constantly moving forward 

But staying here at the same time can you blame me for staying 

Never had a love like this 

Can you blame me for leaving 

Never had pain like this 

Catch me here in this moment 

Your all that I search for 

Can’t try to forget you 

It’s impossible 

So I live with you right here under my heart 

Under my eyes 

I see you here . 

Can you blame me 

Do you see me too 

In the crowd . 

Holding you . 

I’m lost here in the future 

Sitting in the past 

Shattered 

Good Graces

Got nothing left to hold on to 

I suspect if I ended my time here 

Would anyone notice . 

I hand my heart on cards 

I am the ace . 

Please hold my hand 

They step away . 

It’s not really ever my turn is it 

The jokers love to have there way 

It’s not very funny 

As I stand here in pain . 

I’m invisible 

No beauty 

No one notices me 

Dying . 

It’s a shame really . 

What was it all for . 

I gave it away 

In return for nothing 

My hands are empty 

I never gave up 

I was the fighter they said . 

But really now I’ve got nothing left 

I can’t always be 

My own hero 

In my stories . 

If I was gone 

Would you be at my funeral . 

Would you listen then 

Would you look back and have regrets . 

Of all the time I spent giving 

When you gave nothing back . 

I’m not sure if this is how it’s supposed to go 

But I know how feeling invisible goes . 

And these lines are well spent . 

Pills (1)

This is the price I pay 

For giving everything to

Someone who threw it all

Away 

I can’t write you a love letter 

It gets washed away with narcotic thoughts 

You couldn’t see the time I lost loving you 

Losing you 

Your stuck in your mirror 

I’m here paying the price 

But it’s the price I pay 

Of a lost life 

Dreams gone 

I scream alone 

No one hears m here 

Not even you 

Your thoughts erased by narcotic suicide 

As I pray 

I never deserved to lose you

You never deserved to lose your self 

Maybe one day you’ll leave the poison behind 

And you’ll realize 

But it’s the price I pay 

As I sit here alone 

Blueberry Pancakes (1)

Maybe I wasn’t in the right place at the right time 

Alice said . 

As she has more bruises left 

She can’t seem to count them 

She can’t seem to keep track . 

Maybe if i could’ve saved him 

I would’ve saved myself . 

But where is my hero 

Thought Alice . 

Why didn’t anyone ever catch her from falling 

They never thought of that 

Isn’t that sad said the rabbit . 

As the joker says it’s awkward in this room 

And it’s getting hot 

I can’t sit still but only for a moment 

I must chase these dreams . 

No one is here chasing after me . 

Dear Alice. 

Puts on a brave face 

Sits on the type writer 

Crossing the I’s dotting the T’s of course 

And maybe he will come just in time 

Maybe time is over . 

As the clock rewinds I think it’s broken 

Alice where do we go from here 

Path

it’s 5:30 am on a Saturday . I need to go running I need to find a second job I need I need I need the stress can be over whelming . I just been praying . Seems I’m always working especially for my little girl but I can never get a head . I need a vacation . I remember when me and my ex boyfriend Jerry we used to talk about buying land in the mountains and retiring there one day . It made me cry on the way home thinking about it . How that dream is gone . It made my heart full to have those dreams. What I would give to live in the mountains on a lake when I’m old . I’m learning to live in the joy of the moment . Every moment as my friend Malia says . To trust in God’s good purpose for my future and try to focus on right now is where I’ll find joy and find the blessings in that .

Amen .

What I Thought I Knew

It’s 9:48 pm it’s Thursday I just got in to town stopped to get a frozen yogurt I’m alone this weekend as I am most weekends. My life is consumed with work and gym . I thought I would be married by now or driving home into the arms of the love of my life but instead I’ll go home to run . It’s not that I hate my life it’s just not what I expected . For some reason I know I’m where I’m supposed to be but I feel restless . I never was the girl who needed attention or love I’m independent . But I’m ready to settle down but God’s saying not yet ? Why ? I’m 41 I’m not getting younger .

I remember clearly at 8 years old sitting on the toilet wondering how cool my life would be at 30. But here I am at 41 with much to report but yet I still go home to an empty house . It just ain’t right .

I’m to old for this . Is being alone my destiny ?

The Heart

I sat there you know 

Trying to find the answer to bring you home . 

I gave you every single thing I had 

Until I became nothing . 

Yet you said I was the selfish one . 

I forgave you a hundred times 

Maybe when you’re  in the dark your blind 

I couldn’t keep doing this 

I will always write these lines . 

Nothing changes . 

I’m praying for a sign 

But nothing . 

I deserve a better life . 

I lay in my bed alone 

Night after night 

Days upon days pass by . 

I’ve changed everything

In my life 

Except for your side of the bed 

And I ..... 

Gave every thing I had . 

We all have choices 

You chose everything else instead 

When It’s Hard

Before marriage was the last thing on my mind I was happy the way things were. Now I long to be settled down to be content . I been alone so long. I’m not lonely per say I just want the end part of my life . I’ve road the hard roads the roads no one should have to battle I been through things you would only see on terrible movies or the nightly news , I deserve the ring I never got , the wedding I never got , the proposal I never got . Or someone actually loving me what a concept more then themselves.

I pick selfish people . Now it’s my turn for the first time to be selfish and say I deserve this. I lived to make everyone happy to be used and destroyed and left here with deep wounds. I don’t regret the relationship it’s made with God and how he himself saved my life but I’m ready now .

But now it’s his purpose . I can’t move with out Gods will for me . What does God want for my life now? What is the next step ? I need help God in this time for you to fill my heart with love for you to take care of me and Raigan in everything we don’t have .

Please make this year a year of blessings and joy I’m so tired Lord give me rest . And bless those who have harmed us . Save those who are lost .

Ropes

Ropes . 

If I’m the cause why am I alone 

The train station is empty 

It’s half past the time and I’m left here 

I’m wearing your sweat shirt 

Time is paused as life keeps pushing forward . 

I’m stuck here in the shade of this good bye 

It’s raining under these eyes 

Black is the day 

Black is the night . 

I wasn’t born to live this way 

I deserve to have someone by my side 

I’m here alone writing these rhymes 

I dream of another kind of life 

I won’t stand here paralyzed 

Not for long 

You get my drift 

I bought my ticket 

Not sure when the next train is comin 

You had so many chances 

I don’t deserve a life like this 

I know you know this 

I know as you read this 

We all make our choices 

One pill 

One bottle 

And I 

Packed my bags 

It’s way past the time between where I will go and where I been . 

Maybe we can love and let go . 

Maybe you can fight a little harder 

But I shouldn’t be the one writing this 

It’s all on the table 

Every morning I pray over and over 

I’m paused as life pushes us forward 

But I bought my ticket 

Time is a ticking 

Isn’t it 

As hearts are breaking 

I deserve more then this 

-Amy Everett

waiting’

When is it time to let go. Is everything we do a waste or do we plant seeds. I’m 41 I want to
Settle down and my soul mate is an addict who has not yet recovered. How do I move on? I know I may wait forever for someone who doesn’t even love them self much less love me. I have separated myself in hopes for answers from God himself and pray for what Is meant whatever that is. And to heal a broken heart that my ex never even saw or appreciated because addicts are selfish and put themselves first . I love him but he has made a choice not to be better for himself or me. If my dream is to be married I’m not getting any younger I need to heal from this .

I’m not dating at all just waiting on God

Hope In

I say hope is a catapillar 

Waiting to be something. 

But yet I throw so many years 

Praying for things to change 

Gave you all

Cried every day 

But you spit in my face ? 

Sometimes the world tells us lies on both shoulders 

Why are you willing to listen 

I gave you it all 

Now I’m numb from the heart down 

Just trying to

Survive with you gone 

But you would rather do nothin 

 I say hope is a catapillar 

Waiting for her wings to open 

But I’m dying from your poison 

You would rather sit and do nothing 

I’m

Sitting

Here 

Waitin 

And when I find you 

You spit in my face 

As my arms are open . 

What was it all for . 

The world lies to us on both shoulders 

But you chose to

Accept it . 

I gave you everything

In return for your self hatred . 

I am the falling star 

You never caught it . 

I’m falling 

You can’t pay attention  

Direction

Direction

This is the time
When you think the light is shining
But yet it’s dark
And I’m all alone
But it’s the time
When I will push myself beyond the blurred lines .
How far can I go
Emotionally
How far can we get God it’s just you
And me .
How far can we take it running in the gym
Where can we push this physically
I’m not going to sleep on me

Maybe as I gather my bridges
As I write these lines
I don’t need anyone to condone this
Because I’m here to push this

To see where I can take it
Walk the path less taken
Heal this heart that’s been broken

Here I am God it’s me and it’s you
No ones pointing any fingers

We reap what we are sowin.

So let’s grasp this .
And change direction . - Amy Everett