Direction

Direction

This is the time
When you think the light is shining
But yet it’s dark
And I’m all alone
But it’s the time
When I will push myself beyond the blurred lines .
How far can I go
Emotionally
How far can we get God it’s just you
And me .
How far can we take it running in the gym
Where can we push this physically
I’m not going to sleep on me

Maybe as I gather my bridges
As I write these lines
I don’t need anyone to condone this
Because I’m here to push this

To see where I can take it
Walk the path less taken
Heal this heart that’s been broken

Here I am God it’s me and it’s you
No ones pointing any fingers

We reap what we are sowin.

So let’s grasp this .
And change direction . - Amy Everett

Arrested

I remember the music we shared 

As you folded your laundry years ago 

I remember the lazy days we spent under the covers with nothin else to do 

But us me n you . 

You want to remember the bruises time left on our pillows leaving our beds wet 

But what I remember is the years of your fingerprints left on my skin

The kind you can’t remove when wet . 

Layers of time 

Painted on my soul 

Framed soul mate . 

It tells a tale 

From then 

To now . 

I remember watching you sleep 

I remember you saying good bye . 

I remember never letting you go . 

There’s a hallway in my eyes 

The world I see is you and me . 

It’s all I see . 

Never complete . 

I’ll sit here in this circle we call home

Waiting for the lights to come on . 

Sitting on this door step . 

Well well

Mark 11:24

For whatever you ask for in prayer you shall receive .


Well God will grant our prayers if we don’t have unforgiveness in our hearts and we have no sin so I have to ask for forgiveness seek him with all my heart and ask for things in his will . So my prayer life has gotten very very serious . So I been writing my prayers out . And on top of this it’s been holding me accountable to love my enemies, to forgive wrong doers and to be a good doer myself God is love and I have to reflect who God is . This means in my prayer time checking myself in order to ask for my own needs . This is where I’m at .

Hope

Letting go : 

Do we ever really let go of our soul mate? I think life can be tragic and maybe God is teaching us and maybe all we have is faith and I’m emotionally drained from letting go of the love of my life but is it letting go or just a pause in time . I know he isn’t on the path to be ready for a relationship and maybe he will someday but maybe he won’t only God has those answers . What I do know is that I can’t control it I can’t save it . All I can do is pray and keep my eyes focused up on Christ not ahead or behind me . It’s ok to love it’s ok to let go if it’s not healthy . But never give up hope 

Love and Losses

Life is messy so is love why can’t it be black and white? Why can’t we just have the one we love the one we fight for ? When you have them , they seem to slip through our fingers like sand and there’s nothing we can do . Nothing happens on accident . God has his permission on the bad and the good . But what is bad ? And if we have a teachable spirit we are more grounded but it still leaves me sad . 

I can ask why all day but I can’t change a thing. All I can do is pray for my loved one and have faith in my future that God knows best in everything even his timing . 

When I’m left wondering why I’m also left thanking God for a lesson in faith and salvation. I am Job he said . Job lost it all and in faith gained it back . I have to hope in God and keep going and honestly I’m emotionally exhausted . God renew my spirit . I’m a nice person . I try to give my whole heart I would give anything but sometimes love isn’t enough I can’t save anyone only God can . 

I pray for continual healing and a calm spirit . To remain in love with my God and see things for what they are . 

It’s not easy no . I cry I do . But I’m strong in my identity in Christ this is the difference 

Destiny (1)

Destiny -

It’s an empty vessel 

Full of direction 

Tell me your story 

I wear mine on these patches made of old stamps and letters never quite returned 

So here I am 

With hope 

It’s all I really got 

No one understands . 

Love is an empty bottle 

But figure this 

I may be an orphan 

But I’m not weak 

I may not have a home 

But I won’t lose 

Not this time . 

I always loved the rain 

He said . 

I can’t think of this 

As I look for light houses . 

- Amy Everett

tonight

Things that made sense no longer make sense at all . I know God wants to heal my heart so I’m just letting him. There is so much pain inside I’m ready to heal but I know it’s so fragile for me. I feel alone . No one is who they say they are . People have agendas not for you just for themselves. I sit here nothing is going right I’m just looking up at God asking why . I trust no one now . Does everyone lie to gain whatever their need is? Can anyone truly love? Or love me? I’m thinking the answer is no

How Love Goes

The most profound statement I ever heard in my entire life has been : The love you give is the love you keep.

If you want to know why your marriage or relationship isn’t working then invest in your partner. Not for your sake but for theirs. I never knew what love was until I decided to invest in someone. It’s so simple . If the only love you kept was what you gave what would you give? Because what we take with us is what we invest in the other person . That’s why selfish people don’t care. So invest and your love will grow . That’s why love is unconditional.

The Cure

It’s the breaking away of time 

In fragments . 

I find myself in the corner . 

Wondering how love like butterfly’s 

Never returns home . 

It’s some kind of destorted window pane 

Shards of color that cuts the iris 

Until we can’t see clearly 

We are left alone wondering 

Why . 

You left with all the pieces of me 

I’m left with the price . 

Here’s the change he said 

And spit on me . 

You see I’m not much 

But I give 

So here is this heart and my puffy red lips 

He laughs and says what is a man to do with this ? 

Don’t worry he just can’t see you

She said . 

New beginnings

Yesterday was a rough day I lost a friend who I thought was a best friend , I lost someone who I thought was close to me . My car died but the luck never changes . I’m moving finally I’m
Hoping this is a blessing . Where is my life going ?

date night

It’s half past 8 it’s Friday
Their are no dates
I have a million stories but I
Couldn’t tell you one where I been loved
The way I see those in the crowds
Hands tossed inside fingers smiles latched in circles
I am lost alone with empty promises
My hands lost in my face
There is nothing much I could say
Except that I’m home alone

Writing this story on a Friday night .

No ones ever loved me the way they said they did
No ones ever loved me the way I loved them

So who am I ,
An orphan ?

Maybe as I get lost in the crowd alone
Some one will grab my hand
And not let go
Maybe they will love my smile

But for now I write this letter
From an empty pillow
Wondering why

Addiction

Addiction -

It’s a needle

I’m the hay stack

There’s no arguing that
As I pass us in the hall
Watching us exchange old smiles
Can’t fake the love or old mistakes
Tattoo name sakes on right rib cage
No regrets as I cry alone on my pillow case

I didn’t lose out because we lost interest
But because of addiction
Seems like it was a Demon
Came like a thief
Stole the best of you and me .

So when they say I should be over it
When they say I dodged a bullet
Maybe there will be one part no one gets

That every thing we were will always stay frozen
You see because we didn’t leave because
We didn’t love each other
But we were torn like a broken frame from its picture .

But that’s addiction .

A pain that never stops hurting
A choice we can’t stop choosing .
All I’m asking now is for the healing
For the man who was stolen

From me . - Amy Everett

Loving

What to do when you feel so alone . It’s 9:30 on a Saturday night I’m home alone. Raigan is gone I could be out doing anything but instead I’m writing this. Depression has gotten the best of me for good reason . I’ve been let down and I’m no victim it’s just am I ok enough to be loved ? Why am I so lonely ? Why do the people who claim to love me lie. I think about how this could be my fault I’m
A nice person falling for bad people. So where is my person ? The one I’m meant to be with ?

Am I not pretty ? Not loveable ? I give up

News

Everybody wants til there’s nothin left 

Nothin left of me 

So tell me how I find the part 

Where someone wants to love me . 

It seems like an old revolution 

Where I put my heart in your pocket 

And they do what they want with it 

Tell me it’s my fault 

Walk with my Benifit 

So please explain to me . 

I travel

This world alone 

No one really knowing me 

I’m left alone at night 

You wonder how it gets the best of me 

Or why I keep writing the same thing 

Because no ones ever taken the time to love me . 

Love

It’s 5 am on a Sunday I have to get up to go running I haven’t in days I haven’t been feeling well. The topic loneliness. At 40 and being single I know I’m independent the only person I’ve been with is my ex we broke up in late December pretty recent so I have not dated in my healing mode I’ve become quite isolated I like my bubble I like being safe. A safe place where no one can hurt me it suits me for now. I do watch couples and families and I envy there love for each other but I’m just not brave enough not healed enough to venture out yet. I do realize time is passing by so quickly and where do you meet new people any way ? I’m a firm believer in real life connections not online dating I think it will come when it comes . My friends at work tease me and tell me I will die a cat lady this might be so but God has a plan. There is a season for every thing. Love myself first.

Value

Let me tell you a story . A woman walked by at work wearing a t shirt saying - chase this. The shirt in itself caught our attention and my fellow co worker Brian who has become a good friend looked at me and said, Amy that’s what you need to get .” I looked at him in confusion. I said,” get what ?” He said, “ self esteem “ as he walked away. His statement stayed with me as I drove home that night. Was Brian right. Was I sad every day over an ex boyfriend who treated me like garbage because I don’t see my value? Or was It because I truly loved him? I pondered this for hours. And why did I give so much power to people who tore me apart on the daily? If I saw my value would any thing matter. Because I’m worth being loved? 

Brian my friend had a point in the midst of the hustle and bustle of work he saw right through me. I don’t want to be 40 and single and not know what’s it’s like to be worth it and valuable and know it. 

Maybe it’s something I need to work on but thank you Brian for pointing it out. 

On my own

Pain slides past my eyes hidden behind brown flecks behind a masked sun 

There’s a white dress and red lips 

I can’t escape the memories 

Branded in my mind . 

I try to run away 

I try to write . 

But your there next to me every where I go 

Just like yesterday is today 

And I 

Can’t breathe 

I can’t change the pain you caused me 

I can’t change the way you left me 

I can’t change a thing 

So tell me as I sit here alone 

With you 

Our song on repeat 

The same tears falling day after day 

Me wearing the same mask 

And your old sweat shirt 

I can’t feel you 

I can’t smell you any more . 

But fuck 

I’m here in the crowd invisible 

I’m here in the crowd not one damn person sees me here 

But your next to me 

I’m the only one who sees you 

Smiling at me as you fade slowly 

I’m screaming alone in my car . 

Nothing changes 

As the sun rises 

The sun sets . 

I can’t change how you left 

How you didn’t love me the way you said you did 

But most of all I can’t change 

That I loved you the way I said I did . 

So here I am 

In this big fucking crowd alone 

I’m screaming 

I’m invisible 

No one saw me 

But you . 

And your so far away . 

I can’t change 

My white dress 

My brown eyes 

Or you the way your with me . 

So I run 

You didn’t love me 

I run 

You left me . 

I run 

I love you .

Apology

The apology I’ll never get I wish I got every word .

Dear J

What happens when it’s raining inside . 

Who have I become 

It’s the thoughts that run about 

The thoughtless . 

How far are we away from home 

When everyone seems like strangers 

Maybe I can’t sleep with out you 

As I watched you forget me . 

As you lost my hand 

In the crowd . 

As the night becomes day 

I’m alright I say . 

Just one last breath 

My heart will never beat 

The same way . 

It’s half past midnight 

I listen to our song play . 

I’m just another meaningless person 

And you are the ghost that haunts my days 

Someone save me . 

It’s raining on the inside 

Make no mistake 

I’ll make the world believe the sun is shining 

This is my greatest gift 

As I’m dying . 

As you lost my fingers in the crowd 

As night once again becomes day 

I tell myself I’m ok . 

As I drift away 

I drift away 

It’s half past midnight 

Our song plays 

I’m just a meaningless person 

And you are my today 

My yesterday 

My ghost . 

Someone please save me 

It’s raining in here . 

- Amy Everett

Drives

Its the rim of your hat 
On a sunny day 
Imagine your smile 
I never loved anyone more . 
I still cry just thinking of you 

I can’t imagine 
The way you lied to me 
Put me in a coffin
Tucked me away . 
Like nothing ever happened . 

Its unimaginable 
You were the love of my life 
Frozen back in time 
The way we held hands 
Like nothing could ever tear this thing apart . 
I believed that . 

I sit here writing this in a parking lot alone 
Maybe somethings we just don’t understand 

Maybe one day the pain will lessen