Skeleton orchestra

This worlds nothing more than a magic show , though tragic at times and encased in woe , it all works out , of this truth I know . - Zack Hemsey

A calloused drum set in scars 

Amid the winter under your chest 

So close to the fingers that search 

In her sunlight . 

He drops his head . 

There's a war , she marches 

Nothing gained in the winning . 

He walks out to the ocean 

Hoping to drowned 

But he stopped breathing long ago 

We're alive in an arrow 

Walking aimless 

Guided by the pain 

It's cold in here . 

As I pass through you . 

My heart stops in the hall way . 

No oxygen 

I try to let the light in 

The side walk leads to you 

Also leads to me 

Grab my hand 

A calloused drum set in scars 

Under perfect chest 

So close to fingers grabbing under 

Bone 

Close to my ears 

Wanting you to come home

Check Please

There's always that point right in life when things are so bad and the decline makes everything dark and foggy . It's that unexpected moment when everything in you that fights for love , for life and it has no return that you just check out . Have you ever been there ? In life where you lose everything ?
There isn't anyone there when it happens . It's like suicide , you are alone and you just check out .

They say karma comes back to us . I don't believe that , evil people have it all and the loving people can also have nothing . I always made goals and beat them . My trainers and bosses call me a fighter .

I do my best to live with integrity and to love others . Here I am checking out . This is my moment .
In life there is only so much pain one person can take and enough loss that they can't take it anymore

It's the time when you see no one , it's the time when all you live on is strength because all your glory is gone .


I've never been in such a low place but in this place I see God clear , now I just need him to save me
From this very dark place . Where only he can reach me .

Life

What good is it to have a voice when he doesn't hear you
Or care
Time to use your voice
Some place else

Where your appreciated and never mistreated . Life is to short to settle .

Films

Living life in subtitles black and white
Flipping through pages of these bed sheets
Wondering about time .
Regrets are like un painted fences
Waiting on the wrong houses to become right

I sit on the porches - alone watching the sun rise

It's like an un written book
As you steal my pages and autograph your name so it's not forgotten .

So now I'm flipping magazines .
I'm homeless in this street

I hear our song playing on the radio today
Means something different when you couldn't find those words to say .

As he turned his back on me
He says do you love me ?

Subtitles become something
I just don't want to read .

I'm walking home tonight .

Broken Bottles

Sometimes the people who are supposed to love us the most treat us with the most disregard
And all that's promised is brushed under a rug and forgotten
Sometimes we put everything into something and we become a door mat
And the one we trusted the most turns there back on us .

Sometimes we learn the hard way that we wernt loved we were lied to
And everything we have meant nothing
And nothing was seen because they can't see past themselves

Maybe we knew it all along but we didn't listen to ourselves
We thought love could save someone or change someone

But the love has to come from within them selves .

So they throw you away like yesterday's trash .

Learning another lesson . But just remember when someone wants you to be there  doormat . Just say nah

- Amy

Homes

I knew it from the beginning 

From across the room 

I held steady 

You held the door for me 

Told me you were bad for me .... 

Beginnings don't turn into endings 

Not like this 

I can't believe in open doors closing 

As we stood in the cracks 

Whispering 

I love you ...... 

I feel you across the room 

Even when you are not here 

Disbelief drowns my tears 

Maybe I'll stay in this locket 

Forever - 

Maybe 

The crows fly over to pick up what's left of the wounded 

All these letters remain unfinished . 

Maybe I'm the only one broken in this 

Yet I remain here 

In the cracks of the door way 

Listening to wind funnel through 

Rapture

I am aching inside silk panties
wet in your bedroom hidden in pictures
Kiss me in the morning , Let me run away in you .


Your smile creases my heart
as you rest on my lips
I am lost in you .


Between the words that get lost
under cotton and innocence
you kiss me.

Tomorrow I'll be a memory on your fingers
touching me
deep
inside

I'll make you believe  you're the King
Of hearts.

Breathe in me new life
handcuff me to your eyes.
Chasing you in the dark

Make me blind
Finding places in me
I never knew survived

I am the candle in your hallway
I want to find your secrets
tucked away in the dark.

Im aching for you
As you bury deep inside of me

Under my bones

Kiss me in the morning
I want to run away in you

Shoe Strings

Indecision is decision she said. Muted heart burnt sand.
Help me to find my voice again, I'm standing in the hall
record plays our song. I have no idea what to say,
except that you helped me find my voice again.

Ripped from windows
like a violin on a rainy day
Feel you under this skin

The ocean giving obituaries
Finding peace in your hands

Did you understand
As I etch our names in this old tree
kissing me on the cheek.

I just want to believe
that you don't want to leave

So here is my love letter to you
This time
there is no ends.

Bruises

What would I have to do
For you to see me
If I stood in front of the sun ?

If you pulled out from in front of your mirror
Burned some old pages In your library
That collect dust
Collect sadness and stories of anger

I'm not the librarian
With wire rimmed lense
Filing away this -

And all of this
Drowns me

I'm no victim
You have to meet me on the shore
But darling you ain't walking on water

So let's start this again
These books are over due -

I'm not a librarian
I'm a lover
I'm a fighter

What does it take for you to see me
I'm not you
I'm not her
I'm not yesterday

I don't know what love is

Could you
Write me the story

Give an orphan a home

Cuz you ain't
Walking on water

I'm here on the shore
With our fire

Do you love her ?

As she stands in front of the sun
Screaming your name

Lights On

Tell me a hundred secrets that make you the path I climb on
Push me out this door
I'll come back through your window

I'm not sure about the beginnings
But I know I'll erase - this ending
What are endings for -

All these whispers in the dark
Can I hold your fingers
Steady off the ledge

Can I hold your wrist
Broken from the fall

I'm just time
Inside this clock
Ticking quietly inside your heart

Did you need me here
Do you want me here

I'm looking for a hero
The kind that watches for me - through this window

Can't let me go
Won't let me go

It's how the song goes
It's how we go .

I'm leaving the lights on
And I don't know about the beginnings

But the ends I'm erasing
Like old shoe laces
Old songs on the radio

If you push me
I'll climb back in

If you push me
I'll climb back in

To find your here
Give me your hands

- Amy Everett

The Real Fight

It's 9 a.m. I'm at work , it's hard to concentrate today . Worst of all I can't find my head phones so my life is falling apart . ( not entirely ) I have been lost the past few days . Yesterday I broke down and cried in my car . I wasn't sure why , then it hit me . Like some realization from the sky hit my heart and there it was . For 3 months I have felt numb and confused . When we people let you down the ones you trusted the most , I learned to except it and move on . I didn't realize it was causing me to be callused . Maybe I let it go , yes . But the disappointment harbors fear . I couldn't feel much of anything . I have a new person in my life giving me tons of love , and I could see it like looking out a window . But I can't feel it . How do I take it in ? When your lost in everything that has destroyed you

How do I shake it ? I asked myself for months . I wanted to give up , not on him , but myself . What does someone do with pain ? I wanted to hand my heart over to him , in my hand and say please take it ! Just take it ! But would he break it even farther to the nothing that had been left on the ground ?

Someone else can't fix that . Yesterday I sat in my car and it hit me . I began to grieve all the beliefs that led me there to that moment . It's a journey isn't it ? Fighting to not be numb . I remember a time I fought to not feel at all . But I want to feel everything he has to give me , not the pain that paralyzes me from giving my heart again.

I need to brave I told myself . Give myself the chance to live . I've been an orphan to love . And it's time I found a home .

My home in you

Agent Orange

Perfect

Yesterday's ashes fall from the sky over head
A shadow looms over my path
Like a broken forest fragmented into stained glass
The crows wait on their branches

I'm just one girl
Who will make it

There's a heart broken
Around my neck

Grasping at the other half

What is it to live a dying day
The finish line in my hands

I'm stronger than the wolves who wait in the dark

I'm just a girl
Dark eyes , funny lips

Even though there's darkness
I'm the light

A small frame in the alley
Holding the keys
The dreams I never let go of

There's a broken heart around my neck
I'm grasping at the other half

Tell me what all this means
My converse are tired
But I'm never weak

I'm almost done
As the ash settles on lashes
Over spent all the miles -

They don't want me to see the beauty
Of what was always

Inside me .

Apastrophe (1)

The siren plays her music in the crowd
Like the last song for the day
The devil takes her hand
All hands on fate

She holds an Ace
Lipstick left on white spaces
Losing bets

It was all we had left she said
The raven waits in haste
Typing letters with no stamps
Who could've saved her , he says .

The sky begins to rust my pockets
Notes turn to ashes
Eyes become darkness .

Let it go , she says .
Shot glass empty

I wake up
Alice is listening to the doors opening
Doors closing

Where will she go next
As the devil whispers

Love is not dead
He said

So I decided to remove my mask -

Today's Relationships

So here I am , it's been a very long time since I've written a blog post .The Used is playing Poetic Justice. I'm laying in bed , I haven't slept in a week . My throat is killing me . This month has been such a roller coaster I think I'm just throwing myself in and out of things and I'm so lost at everything I once knew has become not . So where do we begin . I think when it comes to relationships , even though every one is different , I'm not guessing any more . So this is my advice to all of you . If they don't tell you how they feel , assume they don't feel it . I used to think actions meant more than words, my second part of advice is you better get both .  When someone wants something there isn't an excuse of why they can't get it or won't . When you want something you will do whatever it takes to get it and furthermore not lose it .  If your dating someone and their chasing other girls , how serious are they about getting to know you ? If someone loves you but isn't there for you , what good is that love . I've had it with cowards I'll tell you this . Do not settle . If your chasing something that's not chasing you , then walk away .

Life is short .

Agent Orange

The Way To Run

There's a light I chase 

Some where beyond this song 

Half past fates secrets 

I hear them alone in the dark

Chase me after dark 

I'll save you from the winter 

Hold me close don't let me fall 

I'll chase away your anger 

Better now than ever 

Standing in the middle of this war

Never ever leaving this place - 

My hand is holding out 

Holding out for yours

I'm running through the forest 

No direction 

But I know you'll save me

I'm here 

To save you from the disregard of every yesterday - 

I hide in your safe . 

Like this perfect holiday . 

All I ever wanted you to know 

Is your my favorite song 

My favorite t shirt the one I always wore 

The one you never throw away 

Tattered and stained 

We are

My hand is out 

Waiting for yours . 

Chase me 

There is no winter here 

Hold me close 

I'll exchange sadness for joy 

Your my favorite song 

My favorite day 

I knew it 

All 

Along . 

Never thrown away . 

Sent from my iPhone

Bridge

I'm writing now on the sky 

Where I used to place all my dreams and bet on fate 

Now I'm tracing in the clouds ...... 

Under my arm I've always carried this note 

I thought maybe you wouldn't come 

And I knew you would 

So I left it in my pocket every word growing old 

Never losing it's meaning 

Every day I laid awake broken 

While you were away 

Nothing's ever the same 

As I carve  you out of my day 

Fall asleep to memories at night 

Now I see you here 

Right across the room 

I'm handing you this note 

I held on to for so long 

And I died with out 

I was lost with out 

Roaming around in the crowds 

I'm writing in this sky

Where I used to dream 

I carved out today 

I knew in every moment I lost 

I knew in every moment I died 

That you would find me here 

You would find me here 

Now I'm safe 

Now I'm hand tied 

It's ok 

It's ok 

Old letters 

Still have meaning 

Just like yesterday

Where All The Boys Went

It's Saturday I'm listening to The Brand New . I haven't written on Agent Orange in a while . It's 8:30 pm . I'm documenting this Saturday night to tell you I thought I had all the answers , maybe I do , maybe I'm not listening . 

This is how I see it , if someone see's your value , they won't risk losing you in their life . Is it that simple ? Is their a grey area ? To me at 38 I don't care about the grey area , I will tell you why , 

Because I know my value , I give 100% maybe I'm not perfect . I'm not . But what I do know is if I see value in you , you will get my 100% and boy that doesn't come easy to give . 

So if you want to be a coward , lost , confused , or whatever else my old collection of black and white cards of horrible friends , lost boyfriends who never wanted to show up and be something different , then here is the door . Because I gave you my all . 

If you want my all , then give me what I'm worth . Because being taken for granted is not on a goal list , not on my dream card , and neither is sitting here writing this . 

Someday I'll get what I'm looking for , maybe some one can step up to the plate , because they know , I do the same 

Catastrophe (1)

What is it to love a girl
Dressed in candy compromise
Holding my dress up
Can they see my face
Amoungst the crowd
Invisible  to him left like a broken
Child .

They said Anastasia was really a princess
As I look for the trains tracks
If I could get lost
I would get lost in you -

If I showed you my pages
Would you read them
Like your favorite ice cream
Sticky hands

Washes her away
What is it to love a girl
If I presented my funny shaped lips
If gave you paper cut heart

Lived life never knowing
What it's like
To be loved
By you

Crossing Fingers

I'm chalkboard half erased on this wall
It's me or them
It's you or this game of
Hopscotch and I'm never the win

Cross my fingers
Watch the ocean dress in the morning
I send you a note
Will you check maybe .

Is this the question
As I leave these sentences
One kiss under this tree
Carved out letters for you and me

My converse are always untied
My words are a mess
My lips puffy and red .

Here is my hand .

I'm not quick sand
I watch the fate undress in the evening
Will you kiss me good night

And I'll pass you a note
Say good bye

Half erased chalk
On your drive way
Unread letters , take my hand

It's all I ever heard
It's all I ever wanted

It's midnight now
I'm alone in my bed

Singing you this song
As you sit in your room
Can you hear it

Will (1)

Alice places her key behind the painting
Her fingers are torn
A split iris falls like rain as he passes through thoughts
Like a door way , haunted
Lost in a nightmare
Her heart beats in locket
Half to you
Half to me

Fate puts her dress on
I am the funeral now
Winter sets in .

You can't save her
She's invisible
The rain is falling
They walk by

The clock her hands are dirty
I see you
In my reflection
I see you in this song

A composer with nothing left
An empty audience

Dear Alice
Can you find your way back
Will he be waiting at the bottom ?