Resurface

See past white linen sheet
Bare past sunlight
Drowning under water
I left the message their
In that bottle
Did you see it ?

I pause the dice black table
I fall in the lake
It's night and I'm cold

I'm lost
Under blankets bare alone
Did you hear me
Under water

It was so dark
I can't see you
Can't feel you

When I touch
You touch me

Inbox (1)

Blue scatters like empty and lost footprints
Running down my buttons , turning my round eyes
Black , desperate in their attempt to find you -
Bring you home even if it's just tonight ,

There is a word for letting go
Like a hand torn away in the crowd
Like the child who lost his mother

The sky can't shine
With out the stars
Stars can't shine with out the sun .

a universe taken away
you are the stars
You are the sun
You are , you are .......

Blue scatters like marbles on the bath tub floor
I cry alone as the water falls .....
I sink slowly
Memories just a telegraph away
Saved .

Cold War

I almost died once , the only thing I needed to know was if you loved me . For me taking my last breath my heart wrenching in pain as I laid in the ER , my son crying next to me . Do you ever wonder what those people think ? At this moment I knew . What I always knew . We were like the movie big fish . One of my favorite movies . I wrote you that night in case I didn't wake up in the morning . I got no reply . This was last year today . Something that will always pain me . Twin flame I believe you are . Do you know what that is ? I try to let go but the deepest part of me holds on . Could you answer the question if you ever read this ? What does a soul do split in half I've never known what love can do until I felt the pain of your absence . Until I knew your presence . Your the king in this world full of fakes and pretenders . And no one loves me like you did .

Here We Go

It's 12 am . You think by now this would become a walk in the park , some. Tragic error I'm used to  the same old drill over and over . But as I watch my heart monitor once again go from 74 to 110 I know what's coming . Epilepsy sucks . I take my heart medicine it's not working . And im stuck wondering will I end up in the hospital tonight ? I don't want sympathy , it wouldn't even do epilepsy any good . Your alone in it . When it happens a fear strikes you , that can't be controlled . Will I die tonight ? Is all I will imagine . No one knows what it's like to feel that way unless you've almost died,that's the only way I can explain what a seizure is like . No cure . I only have mine at night . My days I try to fill with joy because my nights are full of terror . Maybe I'll get some sleep . Maybe I should blog more about epilepsy . So more people become aware .

love

Slip my fingers past my agony
There's white cotton caution tape
And I'm breathing you in my dreams .......

Grab my neck
Soldiers are marching in the desert
The devil dances on my shoulder
I walk the streets with the stars

I leave you here
I leave you there ......

I'm all grown up
My lip sticks red
Follow all the rules
Forget about love they said .....

Meet the pretty rich boys at midnight
Let them use you up and spit you out instead .....

Kneeling on the ground
Soldiers fighting at half past 1
Faith calls your name

Life hurts you said
But we chose who hurts us
And my decision was made

Alone in my bed
He's all grown up
Love is in a box
Red lip stick on

Midway (1)

It's deafening here
I hear your message clear
Static builds in lines empty
I color in old books of hearts and initials
Crumbled and lost beneath a bed

So I manage to take the train
Another way
Another day

I walk boldly away
But I'm lying if I didn't say
My heart at the station is where it stays

A friend once told me
You can't quiet mad love
So instead it's scattered in ryhmns
In letters

I can go
You say please let go

It's like breaking gold .
So here I go

Twin Flame Love

Twin flame love exist. If you do not know what it is or understand it you may not have found it yet. Twin flame love is spiritual. It's not on a physical level. It is rare, you will feel like you know everything about them when you meet them, you will know when you see them, you will hear them when they are not there. Look up twin flame meeting, I have met mine have you ?

Waiting Between

The farther I go 

The closer i come back to you 

Like a broken compass 

It's arrow always pointing 

Always suggesting 

But never doubting . 

I find myself searching 

Lost sometimes . 

Never when I come to terms with 

The arrow . 

I've never been so sure about anything in my life 

And every time I turn my back to say good bye 

Something tells me , no this way . 

How can I be so wrong ? 

I feel you in my soul . 

Am I wrong ? 

I watch the compass now alone 

Wondering if you watch it too 

Night

Soldier grieves the war
Black rose lined the left side of her finger
Thorns absent - heart oxegyn.
Spilled into your lungs like paint
Hung in your living room mantel

I'm haunted by perfect love
Skeleton key - subsides under
Paint brush

I breathe .

Grieving soldier
I can fight alone
She can fight with out you here
The death of me , is life with out you
Marching on
Piano screaming in the dark
Forgotten .
Like the winter .

Purge

It was leather and the fog followed her
Buckled under the loss even now
The coroner  asked her
Every decision is calculated
Even in decision

There's a message in your pocket
Still
She held on to it all these years
Clutched on cold table
Withered , the man was curious

I searched the clock
It was empty , no numbers , no faces
I couldn't remember how the day went
How I got here

I put my hand on my chest
I asked for the answer
Clutching old paper
Everything's a message
The paper was blank
The coroner read it loud

The table was cold
Ravens black .

Paper Mache

I'm not sure how the sky grew so dark
How the stars lost there light
Or how the music became so silent

I just know that roads are always connected
Even when they seem so divided
Maybe you read these letters addressed to you
That sit in my mail box empty
Read by my wire rimmed lense
Crafted by paper clipped heart instead
I keep in this locket perfect with your vintage
Letters I keep warm with whisky trying to forget
The way I can't stop
Loving
You

monopoly

The metal coats hang
With frozen smiles
Empty pictures - I stand here
Wait for your imperfect hand shake
Did you notice me in the corner of the room

There's a disguise
I didn't win the race tonight
Stupid girl in red ribbons
Should've known better ,
Never was that girl - sitting in time out

Had a voice
In an empty room
I fought for you to remember
My name

Should've come naturally
Funny I have this audience
All of them here
except you

She was extrodanary
She was never meant for the corner
Come in
Come in

Love Letters (1)

Delicate glass finds its self under the feet 

Of my eyes , I can't see my reflection 

With out you in the horizon . 

I can't write words with out my hero as the subject or look to the sky with out the star - 

And I drive watching the moon 

Wondering if your ever looking back at me 

As the drive feels more and more alone 

It really doesn't matter if I say good bye 

Your written in every line of my life 

Under shattered leaves of fall

The loss and win to lyrics of these songs 

The only problem is 

I can't bring you home . 

Why can't my love be enough 

I'm just a silly girl

White cotton panties 

Warm sun 

My heart beats big for you 

Not the biggest band aid could do 

I just always knew 

Orchestra

Moments sit on finger tips 

Dancing on ideas that seem to fade 

In and out like you 

The frequency resonates 

The band plays - 

I fall asleep to the tune 

I write my own story 

I'm my own orchestrator 

I fall into your sea 

Lost and forgotten 

The Stars won't leave me 

The band plays louder 

Then fades into the distance 

What can I do 

What can I do now 

These moments sit on my fingertips 

Alone 

Waiting for home 

Dungeon (1)

Here I am at the door 

No ones there 

I'm scattered left remaining 

Tasseled hair 

Maybe it's meant to be 

Left alone 

Hand grasping air 

Butterfly bandaid 

Hiding yesterday 

No one looking back at her 

There's a time and a place 

But the clock never seems to be pointing 

In her direction 

What does it take 

To start over 

Do you see me 

Like holes 

In black sky's 

Feel me breathe in you tonight 

Here I am at the door

No ones there 

I'm scattered left remaining 

Crowns

Take me home to my heart . 

Sifted through ashes 

Conquering the wars 

Slaughtered lambs there's something to say for the living 

Something to remember for the lost 

I have a voice 

Lost under glass 

Concrete walls 

Free me from this 

I'm the wolf 

Pacing at the door 

Covered in the lambs tragedy 

So here you have the storm 

I have everything there is to be told 

I'm not an underestimation 

I'm the lullabie

To unanswered prayers 

So listen close 

There's something to be said for the living 

I been sifted through the ashes 

Found wanting 

Made into new beginnings 

Take heart I say 

As the clouds gather 

We will not fall 

I promise you 

We will not fall 

Consolation

If I sent you one last letter 

I would tell you I'm letting you go 

Your the ace missing from my deck 

The best whisky on the shelf 

But I can't hold on to love 

That doesn't love me back 

And I can tell you 

It would be worth waiting forever 

As you live in these over due pages 

With no return answers 

Shadows (1)

Alice commits suicide 

Can't shake the shadow 

She runs one way 

Hearts another 

Kings sit pretty with crowns 

They watch her fall 

It only matters if she's on her knees 

As she band aids the loss of being incomplete 

There's an ace missing from my deck 

There's a storm over head 

Nothing can stop her 

From un becoming what they want her to be 

She looks past the shadow 

Like Peter Pan 

A fairy tale can't save her 

I sit here between words and periods 

In this world alone 

Lost 

Says , Alice 

Searching through every window 

Sea

It's this place

He says . 

Take my hand 

She says . 

Across the wall 

Built against oceans 

I make this boat 

Patch work left wounded 

Stitches and sails unfolded 

It's dark here 

The storm comes from her eyes 

She becomes a light house 

He said I see you 

She said 

Come . 

Lights faltering 

In and out through the haze 

I can be your sun rise 

But as I sit the sun only sets 

Compiled

A letter where words break apart 

The last letter I will

Write 

About how it changed my life 

Something I have to let go 

And can't say good bye 

If I sailed the world to find the darkest ocean 

It could never hear the torture 

Of losing what could never be 

Found again 

I listen in the darkness 

Nothing 

How do I say goodbye 

In this letter I write 

But I can't keep fighting either 

I'm a ghost

Your the sailor 

I see the pictures 

And I'm not your home 

I can't forget 

I can't remember 

Can't say good bye 

Can't say hello either 

So here's your stamp 

I'm home 

I'm not your home 

Writing to say 

I can't let go 

But I have to say good bye