Private Life

It's December the years sand is running through my hands . I've fought so hard to not fail , to never fall apart . I have integrity and it's never repaid . I'm running in a maze where life wars with pain . 

Why did he walk away ? Why is there a cyst in my brain ? Why has this year been hard ? I pride myself on having all the answers , you know . I'm pretty smart when it comes to people , but today I have no answers . 

I'm climbing steps that are exhausting only to find myself on top of a ladder . 

I know I just need to pray and have faith . 

It's not a mid life crisis you see , it's just my life , I don't take it to seriously but then again , benchmarks do , 

Where do we go from here as tears stream down my face , writing to an audience wondering if you have ever felt the same . I know I'm not where I'm supposed to be , but I also know I've come so far , I'll get there some day 

4 Squares

There's a note left empty on the back door

I kept the t shirt and my hoodie that is left with your scent 

With all the umbrellas telling their stories in the rain 

I'm left alone in pain 

Your good bye a understated cliche 

And my smile you threw away 

Endings

The year closes her eyes 

I tell you , the scars are hidden under miles of broken bones and inked arms . 

She ask's me 

How to begin again 

I tell her time heals most wounds 

As I filter out the hooks and jackets 

Ready to set out amoungst  the rain 

As I kiss him good bye one very last time 

As puddles form beneath her feet 

She Braves the storm again 

Pardons

Archived it says , a thousand secrets 

Inbox flashing empty 

Folders sit under wire rimmed glasses 

Where every smile meets and cars drive by round cemetery track 

Control alt delete 

Sleepless

When I think about it I feel sick and can't sleep ... 

How to Know A Secret

This is the most real excerpt I will ever write . So pay very close attention . I want to say it because it's the most important life story I learned this year . I have thousands of readers here so I want to spill my guts ... 

This is a rare event I know . 

How do I explain it ? Mmmmm.... This just became difficult . I this year learned what true love is . There were no games , no lies ,  it just was . No worries of intentions , no who text or emails first . 

I'm telling you , listen closer ... 

When you open your heart to someone there is no bull shit . It just is , for good or 

Bad . You dig into each other and listen .  

Best friends ... 

If something is less than this , drop it . 

Period -2014

Hydrogen

Smiles crease empty iris 

Crowds shed light on empty conversations 

Nothing is heard 

Talking with nothing said . 

The wall stands tall 

Holding hands through cracks 

I turn , no one looking back 

A mirror 

Just like that .... Disappears 

Current

There's a lost ship with no sein 

The current breaks her legs and she mourns 

There is no turning back the tide , you see 

No wind to fill the sail 

I'm washed amongst the sand 

Depleting an hour glass through bloody hands 

I watch the stars 

Making the wish one more time 

North

Justice stands in the middle of broken asphalt 

Tied to nothing yet anchored to tragedy 

Puddles stream on night pillows 

As she breathes you in to sleep 

Run to shelter - an empty room 

Locket tucked around my neck 

There's nothing any one can do now 

I can see for miles 

Scraped knees won't heal . 

Street signs pointing north . 

Muse

She rustles through autumn leaves 

Watches them dying - falling to the floor 

Winter sets in , a quiet death 

A violent war - 

Arrows in the chest 

Only one breath left 

The snow is silent 

She can't wake up 

Black Keys

Body lies in the road 

Flat line and needing a life line 

Her veins black 

Lips red

Snow falls 

Nothing remains 

Stepping through darkness 

Finding light ......

Parachutes

The counter offers my coffee cold 

Eyes lifting from the floor 

Looking to the crowd - strangers turn to water colors , I can't see a single one 

I can't lose the dream . Only lost when I sleep . 

Shattered Sea

Caught a break at the shore 

Heart beats running low 

4 cords broken , and a necklace .... 

The loss of breath in a speechless memory 

Not knowing the time and what I lost 

The last moment you held me 

Caught under a tide 

Where you used to save me 

Circle

Abandoned by faith , I reach across finger tips left in the wind 

I wanted to carry you - 

A landslide of a world crumbles 

If I could have one more day 

When all the minutes are long gone 

Smoke settles I'm left alone 

I won't run 

I wanted to carry you 

Can I bend the wind 

For one more day 

lucky Penny

Cost of a lost penny 

The one you held onto for so long 

Escaping through muted holes in my pocket , 

The rain is pouring out here 

I'm searching through the cold 

My knees bruised and the whole world washes away 

Sifting through the pain 

It's growing dark 

I'm lost 

 

I can't go home til I find it 

No where in sight .....

Awaken (1)

I catch the sun light in a rusted window 

Warm embrace in this cold room 

Always raining inside 

Lying on the ground watching clouds pass by , 

I grasp the warm buttons of your smile 

Wrap it around me like a lost photograph found over and over again 

As the light passes , I beg her hero to come home . But these pictures are black 

And white . 

Waiting by the window 

To catch her sun 

Again 

Diary

I lie in bed , my mind races . I'm flooded with memories of a lost love , I'm flooded with the day's stress . Then I hear a movie playing in the back ground of my thoughts . It's the 1959 sleeping beauty . As the music plays my mind slows back to child hood . The movie is magical in its vintage innocence . All at once my daughter who is napping beside me puts her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my neck . She mutters in her sleep about how she loves me . All at once my mind is blank and stress leaves me ..... 

As the piano suit plays in the back ground . I fall asleep . 

Her Letter

She can't sleep any more , she tries to erase it . She lays on her pillow and it floods her brain , she feels like it's slipping away like an hour glass with no sand ..... 

No end . 

Just lost in her memories of you . 

She knows he won't come back . 

But she has a fire in her heart that won't die . 

She is alright with that . 

But she has no rest .... 

No answer .... 

She just knows , for the first time in her life , what love feels like . 

Your in every song , decision , tear , and smile . 

She can't sleep anymore , 

She knew the last time she looked in his eyes would be the last , 

She stared at him for a while . Breaking into a hundred million peices inside . 

She held it in with a smile ......no one could see it , but you . You knew . 

You knew she truly loved you ...

14th wish

Giving up a hollocaust 

Slitting my wrist to not feel this pain 

It's a tragic war , she whispers in the darkness of where your light used to shine 

She looks down , can't be a friend of time . 

I close brass button jacket

Slip on my glasses and hide behind black ink edges , burning like ashes 

Can you see the flames ? 

Left here alone , no ones to blame 

Soul is a ghost I sent with you 

With puffy red lips 

A heart 

A wish 

Car sales and judgement

Today was a horrible day . I guess people really have a picture in their minds that car salesman are bad people . I sold Audi 's and guess what my store was honest . We would get fired for lying to our customers . My new job its relentless , they are so vicious towards me because they have this idea that I'm bad , because I sold cars ? Let's take this deeper ... Shall we ? First of all fuck you to the people who judge others .  There are bad people in any profession ,  no matter what .  I'm a nice , honest person .

I was told to quit today because I'm a car salesman ... So lesson is - don't judge others . And fuck everyone who does ...