Half Past Midnight

The record plays over and over 

Same song same good byes , 

The story should've never been 

Written that way - 

I sit with the endings , the fabric of torn sheets 

Fingerprints smudged as they walk out 

Away 

From 

Me 

There's a pillow I lie on 

Where my dreams are asleep 

It's not what I had written 

It blows away in an empty wind 

I run fast to replace it 

Nothing seems as real 

There's always the consequence 

To risking the last kiss , captured in every poem that followed to the moment 

I'm lead to believe there is an untold story 

Of chasing dreams 

If he asked , " I found my self breathing in your breath , the marrow of the heart that pounded in her chest , grasping for his soul to come clean , " 

As he 

Escaped 

From 

Me 

I'm left with the story 

Of an empty midnight street 

Windows

The path is broken limbs on winter roses 

Sullen , black and have record of coursing vains that imprint 

Foot steps in callused snow 

She grieves the dawn , so she loses sleep 

Knowing it's another day your gone 

Paths

Gravity bends measuring the mirror 

There's a void an we run to the light 

Moths flickering about thier journey 

Stuck in the framed glass window 

Comfortable  by it's warmth 

Yet that is where they die 

There's an open door

I walk out of 

I breathe the air 

I'm alive 

Walking The Line

Cash hands out a line about hurt 

An you know what I mean as the weeks trail on , 

Words crumble on paper as I type 

I can't find them , the lamp shade grows dim 

My mask hides a lions den 

I'm pacing waiting for the slaughter  

Only that it's dead winter , we know our fate 

I picture the dawn warm 

Every morning 

As this month closes 

Another book 

Another poem

Vision

I run this race and see you beside me 

Every breath I lose 

You whisper a winning secret 

No one can see you but me 

I'm digging deeper 

The finish line is far 

I'm alone 

But yet you are with me 

Tears stream down my face 

And you tell me don't give up 

I barely made it today 

As I finish at the line 

Your eyes 

Your smile disapate

We will try again tomorrow 

Wagers

There's a glory in faith when she looks upon you and smiles 

An all the hope we hide behind tired eyes 

Is alive and we are awakened by all that we ever dreamed of 

Risk wins battles as you sit in my shadows , I'm winning because of your purpose , if you could only see me now 

There's a moment when I'm still 

I realize your ghost is leading me into war 

It's all I've got left to hold on to 

My heart cracks more , I'm left heavy 

Standing in the crowds , with out you 

Alone . 

Faith raises her hands and tilts her head 

I told her I didn't believe her , 

As I now lie here alone . 

But what they don't understand that in this , I know that it's real . 

Files (1)

I trail beyond the surface 

Glitter falls in some fashion of funeral rain 

I begin to laugh like I'm insane 

Reality sets in , 

Of all that is and I scratch it with a needle and heroine switches up that conversation we had to sometime last May when you thought I was something , 

I can't take away your numbness 

It's something you have to wake up from. 

You can't use me for your excuses 

Your judgement is clouded , my shot has one blood IV injection straight to the heart 

Your dilated eyes see my intention 

Your running 

I'm guessing your not coming home tonight 

There's only so many bruises I can take 

I just wanted your bed to lie in 

A place to call home 

You wouldn't believe it if I painted it on your walls 

Would you ? 

It's you who should be doing the convincing . 

I'm not the martyr . 

I gave it my all . 

I wear your name on my heart framed lense 

You let me go like a watches hand 

Turning with out forgiveness 

You walk past . 

I wear my dress for you 

Do you notice ? 

But you walk on by 

Shaking hands with fear and pride 

Like everything's all right 

And then you leave with out even saying 

Good night 

The Ladders

There's a cold road we travel 

Unhanded with brave smiles 

Wearing our proud hearts 

Wondering why we get thrown the stripes 

To breathe in their pain and let out a sigh 

Training to be a champion 

Missing it by the mile and I'm reminded 

As I lose sleep that no one is at her finish line 

Blood fills her eyes she grips the ropes 

Tells herself she can finish alone 

I handed out paper hearts 

Scissors and rocks in return 

I can do this I sing to myself 

I can finish this 

As they leave my side 

With every mile built in stone 

Every boy lost in sand 

I build a castle 

Watch the tide pass me by 

Haunted by ghost 

Of every good bye 

The winter won't forgive 

I wear a half cocked smile 

She knows I'll win the race 

Story

There's a oneness about the atmosphere 

In a moment lost in your picture 

Removed from words that separate hands from I love you to good byes 

Lingering to the lost moment in between 

Tracing every step wondering how I could 

Get it back to change her back 

To ask her for the chance to live again 

For only a moment on your breath 

To ask your eyes the question 

If you had one last moment 

Would you give me one more minute 

Before you turned your head 

Did you even look back 

Did you ask yourself the question 

As I sat in bed wondering 

my heart layed on the floor beating 

As you walked down the hall bleeding 

Could you tell me ? 

Or was it easy 

I lay here now 

Not wounded 

Not in need of a simple needle and thread 

 But shattered and un mended 

As sure as I know you will not read this 

For if you could 

Surly you would answer 

Walk down back through the hall 

As I lay still in this bed broken 

Waiting 

As I'm left with your picture 

You need to finish the story 

Of a long lost love 

Who remains 

Separated 

I just need one more minute 

To convince you to never 

Leave again 

Composite

Words compile by time 

Read in order as you lay on my pillow 

I hear your voice 

Laughter echos the room , it's warm in your embrace I am safe 

The world rebuilds as you hold my grey 

Your eyes the ocean I longed to live in as a child 

I slept there at night 

I'm drawing your smile as it erases the lull of the day

As my inbox ends I'm reminded 

You are gone . 

Filing letters away one by one 

Dear Diary

Today was a rough day . I can't put my finger on the moment it all came crashing down for me . 

Maybe it was explaining how my Friday night blind date was a disaster to our receptionist , because my heart belonged to someone else. . 

Maybe it was the fact I work with some not so nice people , and he wasn't there today to cheer me on . 

Maybe it was that song , the way I remembered the way he made my day smile 

Maybe it was the drive with my tears streaming because he is gone 

Maybe 

Just maybe it's how it went down 

Prints

Empty glasses , warm fingerprints still left 

To carry home the hand broken holding 

Her heart that was given back 

Contemplated against the walls of time 

Faith's watch stopped ticking 

Head dropping 

I warm my face in this winter 

Begging her for one last moment in his eyes 

Fingerprints begin to dry 

They run clouded from sorrows eyes 

The grave I carry with me now 

I can't resesitate . I walk along side me now of the person I used to be . 

The other gone , you carry her in your arms . 

There's a chapter I can't write 

A missing child , a missing light 

I sit at this table 

Faith pretends she can't hear my sorrow 

As I warm my breath on the glass 

To feel your hands again 

Memorial

Rogues the kind that destroy the ship 

The kind that come out of no where 

In a cold night 

Destroying every wall 

Making it's way down every hall 

Drowning you and everything inside 

It's consuming 

How the night  and the water 

Sing my funeral 

I couldn't hide 

I knew it this time

I stood on the deck and let it take me 

I was bare 

The mass I built for years 

So strong and steady went down first 

Hand stitched the photographed memory 

The water was warm 

As I fell under neath 

Feeling all that was buried within 

The rogue was my seine

Dying to him 

To never live again the same 

Thoughts

No I wouldn't call this a poem , I'm just a simple girl . Who hides her emotion . And it all came crashing down to a thousand poems and I was ready to show it all for one person , and he said no . Forgive me for being a little angry and maybe I can be understanding , but I am upset because so many questions go unanswered and I was brave . I risked everything , everything I never risked before in my life . For a love I never felt before . For him to hide to run . So forgive me for swearing to much this week , or scrounging for change for my rockstar because I'm not sleeping or sleeping to much . Or crying or not enough or being numb or angry or sad . 

Or playing my music to loud or driving to fast . Or hating you because you left me with no answers , and I'm left here to move on . 

But at least I know I risked it all . Everything , if you only knew how much I risked , what I went through , but you didn't ask , your not here . 

Makes it not worth it ? 

That makes me Angry ...

Now not only do I have to forgive you 

But I have to forgive myself too 

Negative space

I entered into a vast dream 

To try to escape the reality of losing you 

And there you sat on my couch 

I held you again under covers 

And I laughed with you.

I was there connected through time

And space , holding hands 

Vapors of smoke a marage

Of everything I couldn't understand 

Doors I couldn't open 

Words I didn't have to say 

A clock that's fingers never pointed

I sat there in the room when you weren't looking 

I watched you 

In the midst of the crowd 

I took you in

I swallowed you whole 

For all that my dream let me 

Then you got up 

I ran searching 

I searched 

Tears ran down my face 

I found you 

You hugged me so tight 

Said , you made a mistake letting me go 

Then I a woke 

Found my self alone ......

My Letter To Him

Hidden Beauty - written by M.F.

The world is wearing a mask today

She's all dressed up in anxiety and paint

I'm sitting, waiting for the rain

To wash the mind away

And maybe in darkness there's a beauty

Maybe the kind that doesn't fade

And maybe with light comes the duty

To burn 'til the last eyes turn away

But my muse is hiding her face today

She's disguised in the tides that obey cruel fate

Who simply recede, with their fingers at the nape

Of her neck, I confess, there's something forgotten

Something long lost that

Still resides, right where we misplaced it

The sky echoes the sentiment

Thick and thunderous with discontent

Blindingly screaming at split-seconds

Where we trafficked our dreams across these sands

I was there when the fire was lit

Bare and waiting for you to notice

The space in this world where we might fit

A thousand poems into a moment unspoken

I'm still writing them

Still deciphering the impact

Where the sand is glassed and cratered

And charged with your scent

Where my heart was steady and sure

Even if my eyes couldn't see it

But the world is wearing a mask today

Something's somehow different

And I can feel the last few waves

Encroaching upon my skin

And I know in this night, there's beauty

I've tasted it, been regaled with tales

Of how so many have wasted it

I refuse to be the sum of them

Refuse to let the world sink in

I'll be the waves that crash on the rocks

Before I'll be the current running from them

I'll be the rain that frees you from the thought

That any dream should remain hidden

I'll wash away your mask today, show your face

That you'll know you never needed to go

And paint over it.

The I Can

There's a stack of books

Empty pages 

I read line for line 

Empty . 

It tells me everything . 

Run far , as far as you can tell 

I write the story behind your eyes 

As you stare from across the room 

I grab at everything in between 

In desperation 

I throw your library in a fire 

A concentration camp of anger 

Let me re write your story . 

As you kiss me 

This trail of gasoline 

It's everything 

To be afraid 

Of what they always said you couldn't be 

Let me show you the way 

I'll come a thousand miles 

As you stare from across the room 

With all the regrets and I'm sorry's 

Let's make it more 

Re write the story 

You were always meant to be 

Corners

There's words that fall through cracks 

And sounds that no one can find 

And a sheer panick of lost hope 

My stomach aches I feel empty inside 

There is nothing that can save me this time 

I can't love hard enough 

Or hope enough 

Or have faith 

I'm just lost 

With out a song 

No piano plays 

It's just silent 

Endings

He looked me in the eye 

Asked if I was going to cry 

It took everything in me 

Not to fall apart in his arms 

Beg him not to go 

But I knew he wanted to 

So I had to sit in dead silence 

The Great Loss

What can you say about loss 

Beating heart 

Streaming tears 

One love 

One life 

One instant 

Gone 

Death