Ex- traction

dilated heart tracking the congestion of time

lonely coffee bars can hear the music playing

haunting from the other side

lipstick stains napkins
softening the torture of good byes

the devil watches in compassion
I suffer ye the lies .

a crowd of inventors watch me from heavens sky
They wonder if we can give it one last try.

The phone in my pocket erasing memories as you type.

Dilated infraction , puzzling time.

funerals are promised
eyelash falls as I cry

Black and white balloons shell the future
as they sit in red attire.

I the canvas for the weak and blind
torn pages of open paint
with no picture and with out design.

 The lion hunts me
tells me to rest

but I cant tonight.

Holocaust

Theres a progression of angles and evil thundering in ashes above

The sun cant rise on carousel spinning in black and white Holocaust

the world is breaking iris closed tight

tears scream over the muted piano playing

I can't find the ocean to get me out of here

My ship is cast a shore

I am wilted with no rose

Tell me your secret

I have unveiled the curtain

Its my wonderland

no one else gets in

I sit in this symphony a perfect tragedy

I write

as the war wages on

I see you here

In color

Hearts winning

Devils falling

Fighting to set sail once again

Hide and Seek (1)

Alice finds me in the window (pain)
"The crowd is about to speak," she says
"You talk funny" , I say
"no one understands but you," she says...

The devil has a way of grinning that seems so beautiful.
draws you in and spits you out in the gutter

Alice.
Your dress is like sea foam clouds
funny how you always find the rabbit hole just in time

as we say amen.

will it be alright.

Notes

Your coal burning contrite in my lint pocket

There is something about a cloudy day

missing your sunny perfection

There's a state of assurance as the crowd closes in

The rickety trambone of the homeless man asks me for  change

I am reminded that you are their, waiting

I am here on this street freezing under this cover of winter

Waiting to be saved.

Clever magazine adds don't tell me a thing at midnight

as I change my jeans I am alone instead

 and the jazz music never changes

So I wait for the dawn, Ever coming

Ever promising.

But the message is blank and you left a scar on my leg.

Midnight

Rag doll sits in cinderella glass slipper
Reading the newspaper
ink jet print social communist

unraveling my day like cancer
Theres a drug in my vein
Vengence.
Im reading suicide letters in the obituaries wondering..


Is mine next.


Im pressed up against the glass wall.
On display. A humuliation. A gutter .
Used in black garter. gold kneck tie, spent .

All Alone. Cliche ,


I am reaching.. Screams echo, but nothing.
Walls come crashing down,
Cinderella you were never perfect.

Cinderella it's midnight and no one came
to save you.

Theres no one at your grave tonight.

Intermission (1)

Rust compiles into pages
Empty glasses write when I no longer can.

Alice grows.
Can no longer chase the rabbit, nor feel the cold wind blow.

Crawling fingerprints break , glass scrapes
I have made it around the bend.

A new story , I have found beyond the stack of cards
The cat sits in his tree .
His grin abounding

They thought I would drowned.
Upside down hallways
Braille letters left in stone.

Wax museums of hearts
Where mine has not been left.

The clock spins forward and back.. forward and back...

Shake hands with the devil, Thanks him for the glass of wine
and say good night.

I escape this time...

The coffin is open, The treasures are far beneath the ocean
The war commander sets sail....

Jesus in one hand , her cigar in the other....

  

Soldiers Will

Drive
the hour glass
Pounding white lines into tears
As he screams .. I whisper ...

God help me...

There's a soldier.

Lost inside me.

Buried under someones memories

I pull over

Black streams to puddles
beauty fades to your fingers

thrown in an ocean
One man's loss
One man's treasure

Blood was spilled for me..
He whispers back...

Half cocked smile
I get back in the car
He says nothing can take my place.

I whisper,
I feel you.

The phone rings...

My stomach
aches,

Voicemail.

Live by clarity.

He screams he never loved me...

God are you there?

He answers..

I love you....

The Crowd

Conquest makes a fisted presence
through broken bone.
I have all these promises
I fight them alone.

funny red lips
empty mirror
closed buttons.

A thousand prayers.

A voice in a thunder storm
where you swear no one knows your name.

And she is standing
against the train.
starving for the chance to start over again.

The beggar asks for her change
but what he does not realize
is that she is more the beggar than he.  

The Scars

There's a door
stained hinge
Pulling me close
How do I close this open window
to every finger print
that brought me too
this quicksand?
I pray in my car ,
no one sees me cry.
As I leave his straight jacket voice
does he hear my prayers.
I look in the mirror ,
I'm not where I once was.
I'm stronger
I'm weaker
Covered in strength and fear.
I fall asleep alone with my lullaby smiling back at me
Generations of mistakes
This door handle full of blood..
A wounded warrior who wouldn't quit.
But there is no one on the other side fighting to grab my finger tips...
She is screaming in the car..
The music plays loud..
How do I make scars laughter again?
How do I make the demons run away?
I pray for my Angels to protect them as they sleep the night away...
I slam the door..
I know God is here..
The radio says.. The lion roars...
Just tryin to erase the tears...
Rusted hinge..Is any one listening?
Do they understand?

Cards (1)

Cards..

Alice pick your part

I keep waiting....

If I could I would get an old GTO

re write every promise in smoke

Watch them fall like ashes one by one...



Scarlett letters bleed into empty promises

The Ace pretends to be a King

I fold........



One hand

I threw the dice

You left the table



The labyrinth we mold out of cards

Gambling dreams

Speaking truth as it leaves your mouth it burns....



How do we believe

When you raped me of everything I knew



I am the devil you never want to face eye to eye

I am the angel who protects under perfect wings

I am the soldier who won a thousand wars



Alice speaks

snow falls

She is laughing

She is swallowed alive



I write a script

I know every word by heart

Ill sing you to sleep

And poison your heart at the same time



An abortion of hope

Cut the heart into pieces

Love rots



My veins run cold

I ask Jesus for advice

He says..

Darling don't believe the lies



My world becomes small

when I thought we were big

I dance at this funeral

You say it's how it was supposed to be

Never felt that way .....when you were holding me.



Trade a secret with me

Ask your heart to be free

I read the Braille on the walls of your trench coat

that used to protect me

Whats it like to have a voice?



I am a Scarlett letter

I am the seine

in your shallow sea.



Never had a chance

Who can contain me?

Straight Jacket

Straight Jacket voice charms the mind
As I sit and stare at the ceiling tonight.

There is no going back this time.
Blame sits on your shelf
In a pornographic world full of hate
It's all a mistake
I was just the cloud of smoke you created

I lay here with a million winning tickets
and you have a million losing ends.

A spine cringes as you enter the room
you have your illusions
I have these gates.

So I toss my cigar in the ocean
Pull the anchor
It's the last you will see of this Commander any way.

Soul Mate

Twisted around metal conclusion
Ripping my bones from your pillow
hiding the pools of blood as I shed tears in the bathtub

hollow drain makes for eyes
I feel the cold inside
Waiting for someone to save me tonight

I see beauty in a picture frame
there never mine.

I reach for your fingers
but your to far away.

I crawl in the dark
searching for the heart
but its never there...

I whisper in the rain
I hear nothing
I wait for the story -

Of souls touching.

Instead...

I hear sirens,

He says, " She isn't breathing."

I say, " Maybe she is....
 

Transformed

The love affair begun
When I was salvaged from death
And He said,

I Am.

I was traded on the black market
lied to and told I was worth the weight
of fools gold.
My bones were trampled down to the soul.

But then from the grave He came
I wear his love on  patches, stitched on my heart

I will sing his anthem
There is nothing in this world that can keep me from the truth


I have a love affair with my Jesus.

If you need to be rescued
all you need is salvation.

The Day We Met

The Day We Met

I held the hand of the desperate boy
with dirty knees
I cut out a paper heart
until you were ready for me

But your valentines box always lied empty

I was a little girl
With skinned arms
my dress was dirty
And my father held my hand

I wanted to cheer you on
with my kiss on your cheek
before the pain begun
before you tried to fill your box with rocks
so love couldn't get in....

I told my father it wasn't to late.
I watched you sit on the play ground alone and sad
And you threw the paper heart away.

I couldn't understand it,
I cried alone in my room
My Father said , not to worry
With Him it will always be ok.

But I want you to know,
the day I gave that heart to you was the day
I gave my heart away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMv4NkSq2tg

Wonderland (1)

Raised inscription tattoo the bone
letter sent by hand shake
echoing the message in guilted button frame

As you hug me on my door step
pretending the bruises made by your voice
don't hurt as much as if they happened by fist,

Tell me , how the story ends
When Alice has come to resurface
she finds solace.

She is not a  martyr .

I am not a friend
I don't fix  broken mirrors

Fly away butter fly!
I am reminded as I stand
I see caterpillars ,

Joker

Prescription tears settle at the bottom of this bathtub

I think of drowning.

Will It separate lie from heart?

I do - from never again?

The throttle screams

down empty streets

as does the empty window pain

my eyes grow tired

another night

caught alone with out you again.

This is when I'm severed from the bone.

when the dot separates from the I.

Nothing makes sense this night.

You are not my wife!

You are not my wife!

I am folded on the floor

one deck of cards

you play a hand

I am less the joker

I was a god

before you came in.

Prescription tears settle at the bottom of the bathroom floor

"It's to late to save her" he say's

but it wasn't his fault !

it wasn't his fault !

he say's

I was out

starting over again.

Formulas

Plastic bottles fill empty promises
rage takes a stance from across the room
I am numb now
sleeping in my bed

hopeless swings across the ocean for a phone call
I listen
static clears
pianos bring peace in the distance

I hear the hollow cries of peach cotton candy
she reminds me not to see this glass as half empty

I hear the sirens in the wake of the storm
I remember it's just angels and devils..

Angels and devils..
We always win at this game of baseball..

Stings- these tears in the rain.
I'm up again to bat.
no one at home.

She cries in our bed.
I sing her every lullabye
to find some sleep tonight.
I find her a kiss , I pray to heaven
As I unravel, short thread
long needle.
I hear him screaming..

I promise love it will be alright..

The Last Journey Ends Here- Dealing With Bipolar Spouse

This family rest in a grave
Tears buried and screaming
Can anyone here me
Through the  miles of his lies
There's the symphony she is playing
Gathering one by one
They wonder what it was ............

I have folded
on this journey

As his hand rest between cotton and determination
His knife slit the soul of this heart
as he sits quietly mocking
black eyes.
My white dress bleeds
 

What is there of a man with no conscience
lining us up one by one
apologizing as he fires the gun one more time.

There is no promise to this story.
As there is nothing

I pray , I pray as he buries us for the last time
My tears drowned the box we lay in
The sorrow is more blue than any rainbow I could imagine.

I can't imagine this evil creeping in.
I hear the symphony play as my ears fall under  water
As I sing my children a lullaby
I tried so hard
I prayed so hard
Save me now
I am drowning.
But there is no one here this time.

And there are no more lullabies.

Quote from her Personal closet -Amy Everett

The light shines through the filthy canvas

paint hasn't been here in years

"I forgot what it feels like to be listed in an art museum," she says.

"You will never be left off the mantal again," he says.

For My son- The Passing

The black hood draws shut at the foot of the room
I close the door
I cant reach you
Im sorry they hurt you.

If you could see
I live for you
I protected you
And Im sorry.
If I could take it all back I would
I would take every suitcase you had
And burn them away.

Every ounce of pain.
SO many hurt us
and walked away.
It wasnt to our measure of worth son


It was their own.



I see you
your earphones are on.
If I could I would rip out my heart and give you my own.
So you would know you are not alone.

If you can please forgive me.
I should have protected us better.
should have never traded beauty for a storm.

Im praying for us while you sleep,
God will get us through the rain.
Just know how much I love you.

And I never meant for you to have so much pain.