When

Congratulations on the third step
Walking on water is never easy
As I'm tied to this bed called destiny
A ship on fire floating in a deserted sea

As you build your empire
Seems to be the audience I'm dancing for
I'm choking with no land and no sight to your ocean

I'm not drowning

Congratulations my friend
As everything is empty
I'm screaming
No one is listening
Who's the captain she says
Who's the brave one

3 steps walking on water
To drowning

Some sort of secret

I bandaged my eyes
I cut a heart out
I handed it over
To find it on the floor

The messages punched and deleted

like a time card
Empty
Figuratively speaking

Detriment (1)

Scattered on a cold floor
Suffer chained to a concrete stone
She holds him under the water
Watches him drowned

As I'm left here alone on the bed
I can bring you home from the dead

Wake up
Walk
Like you never fell
The flies gather
Your an easy sell

Left to your own inadequacy
When you can remain whole

Contradiction

Hearts hang on old weatherd hooks
Unattended and alone
Sleeping to the noise of closing doors
And waking to the possibility of hope

12 months walking
12 lost
14 is the number of floors
10 is the number of my steps
Walking out your door

Instagram

It's arbitration time
Jury is out
It's hanging time
Just 365 days but who's the count
I read the lines
Nothing is what sits in perfect picture frames
I'm the stars you wished on
Never collected the grants

In the palm of my hands
She has a black iris
With out you she is dead

Veins run like paint
She sleeps alone
Empty picture frames

Sued

The buttons on my coat are worn
Thread stitch and lace panties
Lips red
Thrown across evening sunset
She's only there for a moment

Sitting in your chair
Afraid to move

Watching her rise and fall
With out your hands

I breathe you in
As you watch from afar
Your favorite sin

Until the dawn takes her again

Dragons

There's a bridge
Your on one side

I'm drowning in the other
I'm dressed in black
Ready for the funeral
I'm screaming
Your eyes looking ahead
Never turning back

I am dressed in night
I watch my light walk away
From me

A million keys breaking
I can't breathe
I sit here naked
I know you see me

Afraid to save me
Afraid of drowning

I am fighting
I am calling your name

You can hear me

Bottles At Sea

When the message came it was blank
Ink wet , smeared between lenses
Her lamp was on lips wet
She thought about it

He pulses under skin
Like heroin

Where You Are Is not my home

There's a stigmatism in the air
I can't quite see you clear
I'm aware you'll never read these lines
I hide behind
There's a coat in the closet
The smell of your shirt and a broken heart in my pocket
Where I saw you through

Now the Night is empty
And everything I see
I see clearly

And everything is nothing with out you
I hold on to my sanity
Keeps the calm from tumbling
But I still feel you

I grab your hand in my dream
I beg you to never let go
I wake up
Sleepy eyed and alone

The worst part is you'll never hear my song

13 th Floor

If you can hear me , speak to me . For your the only one who hears and I'm the only one who's listening .

Behind

Stories are courted in dialated iris
Secrets form in clusters beneath the surface
The light draws dim and fills with puddles ....

It's their in a corner
As it bleeds into everything
It's impossible to forget
Love
This love for you

Shatter

I couldn't recall the good bye 

Or the way you shut the door that night 

How the dominos fell one by one inside never to again be collected 

Just left a mess on the floor in the dark 

I couldn't recall any of it 

The only thing I remember was your light 

Entering the room that night . 

1000 Steps

I haven't forgotten the words of a hero 

That echo down my halls 

I can't find rest as I stare out my window 

Road is long 

Lost somewhere in your eyes 

Never finding home again 

As days turn into cluttered moths 

In a closet 

I sit in your shadow 

Broken heart .

Star necklace

Brush stroke smiles falling from Demons haunt my day 

A razor blade runs blank across my skin 

As I thought of him ... 

The way they walk from my arms into an empty crowd - 

Home is not a passing train , yet I'm left stranded at an old station 

Air full of scotch and last nights intentions 

No love - no star necklace as I fall into the sea , 

A boat so big - yet sails remain small ,

A heavy restitch - a thoughtless good bye 

No there isn't an answer is there ...

Waiting for the 7 o'clock train ... 

Luggage empty 

Private Life

It's December the years sand is running through my hands . I've fought so hard to not fail , to never fall apart . I have integrity and it's never repaid . I'm running in a maze where life wars with pain . 

Why did he walk away ? Why is there a cyst in my brain ? Why has this year been hard ? I pride myself on having all the answers , you know . I'm pretty smart when it comes to people , but today I have no answers . 

I'm climbing steps that are exhausting only to find myself on top of a ladder . 

I know I just need to pray and have faith . 

It's not a mid life crisis you see , it's just my life , I don't take it to seriously but then again , benchmarks do , 

Where do we go from here as tears stream down my face , writing to an audience wondering if you have ever felt the same . I know I'm not where I'm supposed to be , but I also know I've come so far , I'll get there some day 

4 Squares

There's a note left empty on the back door

I kept the t shirt and my hoodie that is left with your scent 

With all the umbrellas telling their stories in the rain 

I'm left alone in pain 

Your good bye a understated cliche 

And my smile you threw away 

Endings

The year closes her eyes 

I tell you , the scars are hidden under miles of broken bones and inked arms . 

She ask's me 

How to begin again 

I tell her time heals most wounds 

As I filter out the hooks and jackets 

Ready to set out amoungst  the rain 

As I kiss him good bye one very last time 

As puddles form beneath her feet 

She Braves the storm again 

Pardons

Archived it says , a thousand secrets 

Inbox flashing empty 

Folders sit under wire rimmed glasses 

Where every smile meets and cars drive by round cemetery track 

Control alt delete 

Sleepless

When I think about it I feel sick and can't sleep ... 

How to Know A Secret

This is the most real excerpt I will ever write . So pay very close attention . I want to say it because it's the most important life story I learned this year . I have thousands of readers here so I want to spill my guts ... 

This is a rare event I know . 

How do I explain it ? Mmmmm.... This just became difficult . I this year learned what true love is . There were no games , no lies ,  it just was . No worries of intentions , no who text or emails first . 

I'm telling you , listen closer ... 

When you open your heart to someone there is no bull shit . It just is , for good or 

Bad . You dig into each other and listen .  

Best friends ... 

If something is less than this , drop it . 

Period -2014

Hydrogen

Smiles crease empty iris 

Crowds shed light on empty conversations 

Nothing is heard 

Talking with nothing said . 

The wall stands tall 

Holding hands through cracks 

I turn , no one looking back 

A mirror 

Just like that .... Disappears 

Current

There's a lost ship with no sein 

The current breaks her legs and she mourns 

There is no turning back the tide , you see 

No wind to fill the sail 

I'm washed amongst the sand 

Depleting an hour glass through bloody hands 

I watch the stars 

Making the wish one more time 

North

Justice stands in the middle of broken asphalt 

Tied to nothing yet anchored to tragedy 

Puddles stream on night pillows 

As she breathes you in to sleep 

Run to shelter - an empty room 

Locket tucked around my neck 

There's nothing any one can do now 

I can see for miles 

Scraped knees won't heal . 

Street signs pointing north . 

Muse

She rustles through autumn leaves 

Watches them dying - falling to the floor 

Winter sets in , a quiet death 

A violent war - 

Arrows in the chest 

Only one breath left 

The snow is silent 

She can't wake up 

Black Keys

Body lies in the road 

Flat line and needing a life line 

Her veins black 

Lips red

Snow falls 

Nothing remains 

Stepping through darkness 

Finding light ......

Parachutes

The counter offers my coffee cold 

Eyes lifting from the floor 

Looking to the crowd - strangers turn to water colors , I can't see a single one 

I can't lose the dream . Only lost when I sleep . 

Shattered Sea

Caught a break at the shore 

Heart beats running low 

4 cords broken , and a necklace .... 

The loss of breath in a speechless memory 

Not knowing the time and what I lost 

The last moment you held me 

Caught under a tide 

Where you used to save me 

Circle

Abandoned by faith , I reach across finger tips left in the wind 

I wanted to carry you - 

A landslide of a world crumbles 

If I could have one more day 

When all the minutes are long gone 

Smoke settles I'm left alone 

I won't run 

I wanted to carry you 

Can I bend the wind 

For one more day 

lucky Penny

Cost of a lost penny 

The one you held onto for so long 

Escaping through muted holes in my pocket , 

The rain is pouring out here 

I'm searching through the cold 

My knees bruised and the whole world washes away 

Sifting through the pain 

It's growing dark 

I'm lost 

 

I can't go home til I find it 

No where in sight .....

Awaken (1)

I catch the sun light in a rusted window 

Warm embrace in this cold room 

Always raining inside 

Lying on the ground watching clouds pass by , 

I grasp the warm buttons of your smile 

Wrap it around me like a lost photograph found over and over again 

As the light passes , I beg her hero to come home . But these pictures are black 

And white . 

Waiting by the window 

To catch her sun 

Again 

Diary

I lie in bed , my mind races . I'm flooded with memories of a lost love , I'm flooded with the day's stress . Then I hear a movie playing in the back ground of my thoughts . It's the 1959 sleeping beauty . As the music plays my mind slows back to child hood . The movie is magical in its vintage innocence . All at once my daughter who is napping beside me puts her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my neck . She mutters in her sleep about how she loves me . All at once my mind is blank and stress leaves me ..... 

As the piano suit plays in the back ground . I fall asleep . 

Her Letter

She can't sleep any more , she tries to erase it . She lays on her pillow and it floods her brain , she feels like it's slipping away like an hour glass with no sand ..... 

No end . 

Just lost in her memories of you . 

She knows he won't come back . 

But she has a fire in her heart that won't die . 

She is alright with that . 

But she has no rest .... 

No answer .... 

She just knows , for the first time in her life , what love feels like . 

Your in every song , decision , tear , and smile . 

She can't sleep anymore , 

She knew the last time she looked in his eyes would be the last , 

She stared at him for a while . Breaking into a hundred million peices inside . 

She held it in with a smile ......no one could see it , but you . You knew . 

You knew she truly loved you ...

14th wish

Giving up a hollocaust 

Slitting my wrist to not feel this pain 

It's a tragic war , she whispers in the darkness of where your light used to shine 

She looks down , can't be a friend of time . 

I close brass button jacket

Slip on my glasses and hide behind black ink edges , burning like ashes 

Can you see the flames ? 

Left here alone , no ones to blame 

Soul is a ghost I sent with you 

With puffy red lips 

A heart 

A wish 

Car sales and judgement

Today was a horrible day . I guess people really have a picture in their minds that car salesman are bad people . I sold Audi 's and guess what my store was honest . We would get fired for lying to our customers . My new job its relentless , they are so vicious towards me because they have this idea that I'm bad , because I sold cars ? Let's take this deeper ... Shall we ? First of all fuck you to the people who judge others .  There are bad people in any profession ,  no matter what .  I'm a nice , honest person .

I was told to quit today because I'm a car salesman ... So lesson is - don't judge others . And fuck everyone who does ...

The Truth on Beauty

I've been taught my whole life in order to be loved or accepted I must be super thin , dress a certain way , be a certain way . Being taught that I was enough was never in the daily routine . I grew up with severe eating disorders and social anxiety . I bought into a lie . Thankfully I know now that it is a lie . 

I work out to be healthy and strong and acceptance based on beauty is not my focus but my integrity and my heart . 

I see so many people dying of eating disorders . Is it hard every day for me to believe I'm enough ? Yes . It's haunting .

I'm not saying not to care for yourself or be healthy because these are crucial to a healthy life and mind . 

What I am saying is , you are enough just the way you are in the mirror . I mean if you are not good enough for someone else than are they enough for you ? 

The answer is no . 

Let me tell you a story , years ago I was so weight obsessed I took every drug spent hours in gym every day and almost died . I found myself in a hospital and thought this is not worth my life . It was that day I chose to live . 

Lesson : do not compare your self to others . 

Do not talk negatively to yourself 

Do not find love of self in others . It's in you 

If you have an eating disorder get help . It will kill you . 

Be you be beautiful . Don't let anyone silence you . Be empowered . 

Thank you 

Amy 

Post - tragic

There's a single smile set aside in time only meant for you , 

As I move to the train I see it coming 

I board and wave good bye . 

There is nothing I can do 

Love isn't enough to save the world 

I was looking to save yours 

I battled the war , not alone but apart 

And the station is empty 

So she boards alone 

Winter

The cold stains her fingers as she holds what's left of her heart
Sleeping under the stars captured in a necklace dangling in the snow

What she has left of wishes is fading in the cold winter
As she patches the broken mirror together she sees his reflection ....

Yet she can't reach him .

The Crown

Blue stains the walls of her eyes 

Never leaving imprinted iris , a blooming heart photographing fingerprints on fragile soul stitched together 

Like shadows and untouched puzzles never knowing the picture only loving the color and the time spent together building kolidiscopes and sky scrapers 

May I write a fairy tale , where you rescue me ? 

The man in the puzzle is you and the girl you ask for is me , and you find that missing peice on the floor , 

And there you are looking back at me .

A dear diary

It's Friday night , there are two days left to leaving Audi . It's very emotional . For reasons that I'm saying good bye to much more than my job . I cried all the way home tonight . I don't do very many "dear diaries ". 

Transition - means : you see friends rise and you see friends fall . Also I feel him near me , I wish he would just write , but that's another story . 

There has been tremendous love and pain this year . The most extreme of both and so here I am alone on Friday night writing to all of you . I have made huge changes and I'm proud of myself . I don't feel them yet , but I've made them . I feel the hard part of change , but I know soon the reward will soon come . I have to be positive . Thank you to all my loved ones the ones who are here and proved to stand by my side ... Until next time 

Amy 

Comings and Goings

History goes black 
ink spilled in elementary notes and unused grammar of I love you , destined for hearts asleep on pillows that could never imagine the tears that fall for you , 

On lined notebook scribbles , waiting at the store , empty inbox, filled to the brim is four chambers of your smile and everything I could give , 

Of your beauty , the beauty of your flaws, your home was in me , if I captured a moment , I would take one last picture to hold your smile again . 

There's no other love . as this pen runs dry 

Love Song

I'll never get used to losing you

The Wake

I play  in the snow , keys stained by broken souls fallen on black and white porcelain ashes , foot steps crowd an empty dream as I wipe rusted drawn eyes 

It's left here in print with no proof of existence as the snow falls my brass buttons freeze , pink lips open in disbelief 

In the memory of this funeral procession

Of the final moment when I stood eye to eye  in front of you searching every moment 

To find one to grasp your heart so you would stay 

But you looked into my eyes

Then you looked away 

Compromise

There's a cost to sitting out the war

Nothing gained , losing everything with out ever holding on 

Regret echos the empty drive and the smell of  rotting defeat as the glass sits empty 

For another night left to rusted chairs sitting in a cold bar 

Speaking so clearly , and it's to late 

Waisted gains 

To return tomorrow knowing you will come home wanting 

Letting Go

It's that corner in the day , you live

I sit with you still , where I used to hold your hand 

Now I'm grasping your fingers 

Letting go is all of me , I'm screaming and begging for your ghost not to go 

A shadow of what remains , a vision that steals my soul , 

With you it was  real , I have to stop looking in your direction . Your not coming around and I know , 

The tears fall , as many as the miles you rest your head away and I can't , I sit here in the corner of the day , searching for your eyes , to tell me it will be all right 

Down to hands and fingers  , I look down and cry . 

The Passing

Grace takes my hand , another dawn follows me in her sleep 

Still he is not here and the days remain hollow 

The light stands still at the end of the tunnel and all I have is fate and faith 

And a little girls dreams I hold onto with notes crumpled and old . 

I keep them in a safe box beneath my lungs locked away . Waiting for eternity's hoping for his return 

Maybe another day

Negative space compiles over Picasso's best canvas torn down in a rage 

I converge to the road I drive aimless 

There's your eyes I center my gravity 

Nothing is everything lost now in broken days 

I wait at the door and nothing 

Faith sleeps with her mask on and I'm pounding down her door . Is anyone listening ?

I carry you in my smile , in the song and in every peice I give away and hold on to 

I can't seem to move . I can't seem to breathe you see . 

You are the lungs I used under the ocean 

The heart I used to find joy 

There is nothing apart from my day with out you 

As I let go I hold on , as I wait a little longer  

Island

I've tried all the alleys and the roads 

Something is coming at a cost 

I just can't shake the way you broke me 

Hammered me down to the floor 

Tell me since your long gone how your the only one who found the way 

Through the maze 

Left me standing here 

It isn't right 

You stranded her here , at this private sea 

A cast away 

I'm dead with out you its just a matter of time and it's ok 

No one you see ever found it , 

Held my hand walked the distance 

As I sit here now alone watching the current 

Will it ever bring you back to me ? 

Because there's no way back with out you , 

I've never been here . 

City lights

Composition of life extends her arms 

I ask her to talk 

She lights a cigarette , says honey I can't bring him back .... 

There's a hum to the city air it's cold and I'm Empty 

I walk under the lights , they whisper something about the night , I can't hear a word they say 

As I run out of breath I wonder where my home is .

And I write an obituary for the memories in my head , all the words I write never seem to be as great as the smile you left on my heart so I throw it in the trash instead 

I beg the stars to bring you back 

I beg this place I write for you to come home 

As I grieve 

As I walk these streets lost with out you 

There's nothing left I can do 

Nothing left to say 

You n me

Carry you with me in a song 

Shadow

Tide comes in , steals the dawn from my broken hands 

The tears stream and their used for your benifit , 

I walk the places we have been , and it corners the thoughts in my head . 

I can't get away . As far as you ran , 

It's midnight and I'm trying to sleep 

 

I'm waiting 

No ones looking back at me . I can't sleep

Snares

There's a broken sidewalk 

I trace the lines carefully , 

Cautious is the lions den 

Pacing back and forth for the lamb 

As he tries to pretend he is a King 

Crowns don't have to try to be made of gold 

As you come up a filthy penny . 

#enemies

Pages

I lay here on stage , 

Audience quiet , I hang my coat 

Toss the piano away . 

I'm alone , in a crowded room 

Remembering yesterday . 

Don't

Don't leave me here , I'm in love with an addiction , and I can't imagine this time while your gone , it's defeating me and she's in tears . 

There's a dream in the sky 

And only you could take me their 

Now I'm dancing alone in the night 

Dreaming you will meet me here 

So I wait in the dawn 

Across broken asphalt 

Watching for you to come and save me 

So listen here my love 

Don't leave me here . 

17 Days South

I'm sinking like a stone in the sea - The Brand New 

Half Past Midnight

The record plays over and over 

Same song same good byes , 

The story should've never been 

Written that way - 

I sit with the endings , the fabric of torn sheets 

Fingerprints smudged as they walk out 

Away 

From 

Me 

There's a pillow I lie on 

Where my dreams are asleep 

It's not what I had written 

It blows away in an empty wind 

I run fast to replace it 

Nothing seems as real 

There's always the consequence 

To risking the last kiss , captured in every poem that followed to the moment 

I'm lead to believe there is an untold story 

Of chasing dreams 

If he asked , " I found my self breathing in your breath , the marrow of the heart that pounded in her chest , grasping for his soul to come clean , " 

As he 

Escaped 

From 

Me 

I'm left with the story 

Of an empty midnight street 

Windows

The path is broken limbs on winter roses 

Sullen , black and have record of coursing vains that imprint 

Foot steps in callused snow 

She grieves the dawn , so she loses sleep 

Knowing it's another day your gone 

Paths

Gravity bends measuring the mirror 

There's a void an we run to the light 

Moths flickering about thier journey 

Stuck in the framed glass window 

Comfortable  by it's warmth 

Yet that is where they die 

There's an open door

I walk out of 

I breathe the air 

I'm alive 

Walking The Line

Cash hands out a line about hurt 

An you know what I mean as the weeks trail on , 

Words crumble on paper as I type 

I can't find them , the lamp shade grows dim 

My mask hides a lions den 

I'm pacing waiting for the slaughter  

Only that it's dead winter , we know our fate 

I picture the dawn warm 

Every morning 

As this month closes 

Another book 

Another poem

Vision

I run this race and see you beside me 

Every breath I lose 

You whisper a winning secret 

No one can see you but me 

I'm digging deeper 

The finish line is far 

I'm alone 

But yet you are with me 

Tears stream down my face 

And you tell me don't give up 

I barely made it today 

As I finish at the line 

Your eyes 

Your smile disapate

We will try again tomorrow 

Wagers

There's a glory in faith when she looks upon you and smiles 

An all the hope we hide behind tired eyes 

Is alive and we are awakened by all that we ever dreamed of 

Risk wins battles as you sit in my shadows , I'm winning because of your purpose , if you could only see me now 

There's a moment when I'm still 

I realize your ghost is leading me into war 

It's all I've got left to hold on to 

My heart cracks more , I'm left heavy 

Standing in the crowds , with out you 

Alone . 

Faith raises her hands and tilts her head 

I told her I didn't believe her , 

As I now lie here alone . 

But what they don't understand that in this , I know that it's real . 

Files (1)

I trail beyond the surface 

Glitter falls in some fashion of funeral rain 

I begin to laugh like I'm insane 

Reality sets in , 

Of all that is and I scratch it with a needle and heroine switches up that conversation we had to sometime last May when you thought I was something , 

I can't take away your numbness 

It's something you have to wake up from. 

You can't use me for your excuses 

Your judgement is clouded , my shot has one blood IV injection straight to the heart 

Your dilated eyes see my intention 

Your running 

I'm guessing your not coming home tonight 

There's only so many bruises I can take 

I just wanted your bed to lie in 

A place to call home 

You wouldn't believe it if I painted it on your walls 

Would you ? 

It's you who should be doing the convincing . 

I'm not the martyr . 

I gave it my all . 

I wear your name on my heart framed lense 

You let me go like a watches hand 

Turning with out forgiveness 

You walk past . 

I wear my dress for you 

Do you notice ? 

But you walk on by 

Shaking hands with fear and pride 

Like everything's all right 

And then you leave with out even saying 

Good night 

The Ladders

There's a cold road we travel 

Unhanded with brave smiles 

Wearing our proud hearts 

Wondering why we get thrown the stripes 

To breathe in their pain and let out a sigh 

Training to be a champion 

Missing it by the mile and I'm reminded 

As I lose sleep that no one is at her finish line 

Blood fills her eyes she grips the ropes 

Tells herself she can finish alone 

I handed out paper hearts 

Scissors and rocks in return 

I can do this I sing to myself 

I can finish this 

As they leave my side 

With every mile built in stone 

Every boy lost in sand 

I build a castle 

Watch the tide pass me by 

Haunted by ghost 

Of every good bye 

The winter won't forgive 

I wear a half cocked smile 

She knows I'll win the race 

Story

There's a oneness about the atmosphere 

In a moment lost in your picture 

Removed from words that separate hands from I love you to good byes 

Lingering to the lost moment in between 

Tracing every step wondering how I could 

Get it back to change her back 

To ask her for the chance to live again 

For only a moment on your breath 

To ask your eyes the question 

If you had one last moment 

Would you give me one more minute 

Before you turned your head 

Did you even look back 

Did you ask yourself the question 

As I sat in bed wondering 

my heart layed on the floor beating 

As you walked down the hall bleeding 

Could you tell me ? 

Or was it easy 

I lay here now 

Not wounded 

Not in need of a simple needle and thread 

 But shattered and un mended 

As sure as I know you will not read this 

For if you could 

Surly you would answer 

Walk down back through the hall 

As I lay still in this bed broken 

Waiting 

As I'm left with your picture 

You need to finish the story 

Of a long lost love 

Who remains 

Separated 

I just need one more minute 

To convince you to never 

Leave again 

Composite

Words compile by time 

Read in order as you lay on my pillow 

I hear your voice 

Laughter echos the room , it's warm in your embrace I am safe 

The world rebuilds as you hold my grey 

Your eyes the ocean I longed to live in as a child 

I slept there at night 

I'm drawing your smile as it erases the lull of the day

As my inbox ends I'm reminded 

You are gone . 

Filing letters away one by one 

Dear Diary

Today was a rough day . I can't put my finger on the moment it all came crashing down for me . 

Maybe it was explaining how my Friday night blind date was a disaster to our receptionist , because my heart belonged to someone else. . 

Maybe it was the fact I work with some not so nice people , and he wasn't there today to cheer me on . 

Maybe it was that song , the way I remembered the way he made my day smile 

Maybe it was the drive with my tears streaming because he is gone 

Maybe 

Just maybe it's how it went down 

Prints

Empty glasses , warm fingerprints still left 

To carry home the hand broken holding 

Her heart that was given back 

Contemplated against the walls of time 

Faith's watch stopped ticking 

Head dropping 

I warm my face in this winter 

Begging her for one last moment in his eyes 

Fingerprints begin to dry 

They run clouded from sorrows eyes 

The grave I carry with me now 

I can't resesitate . I walk along side me now of the person I used to be . 

The other gone , you carry her in your arms . 

There's a chapter I can't write 

A missing child , a missing light 

I sit at this table 

Faith pretends she can't hear my sorrow 

As I warm my breath on the glass 

To feel your hands again 

Memorial

Rogues the kind that destroy the ship 

The kind that come out of no where 

In a cold night 

Destroying every wall 

Making it's way down every hall 

Drowning you and everything inside 

It's consuming 

How the night  and the water 

Sing my funeral 

I couldn't hide 

I knew it this time

I stood on the deck and let it take me 

I was bare 

The mass I built for years 

So strong and steady went down first 

Hand stitched the photographed memory 

The water was warm 

As I fell under neath 

Feeling all that was buried within 

The rogue was my seine

Dying to him 

To never live again the same 

Thoughts

No I wouldn't call this a poem , I'm just a simple girl . Who hides her emotion . And it all came crashing down to a thousand poems and I was ready to show it all for one person , and he said no . Forgive me for being a little angry and maybe I can be understanding , but I am upset because so many questions go unanswered and I was brave . I risked everything , everything I never risked before in my life . For a love I never felt before . For him to hide to run . So forgive me for swearing to much this week , or scrounging for change for my rockstar because I'm not sleeping or sleeping to much . Or crying or not enough or being numb or angry or sad . 

Or playing my music to loud or driving to fast . Or hating you because you left me with no answers , and I'm left here to move on . 

But at least I know I risked it all . Everything , if you only knew how much I risked , what I went through , but you didn't ask , your not here . 

Makes it not worth it ? 

That makes me Angry ...

Now not only do I have to forgive you 

But I have to forgive myself too 

Negative space

I entered into a vast dream 

To try to escape the reality of losing you 

And there you sat on my couch 

I held you again under covers 

And I laughed with you.

I was there connected through time

And space , holding hands 

Vapors of smoke a marage

Of everything I couldn't understand 

Doors I couldn't open 

Words I didn't have to say 

A clock that's fingers never pointed

I sat there in the room when you weren't looking 

I watched you 

In the midst of the crowd 

I took you in

I swallowed you whole 

For all that my dream let me 

Then you got up 

I ran searching 

I searched 

Tears ran down my face 

I found you 

You hugged me so tight 

Said , you made a mistake letting me go 

Then I a woke 

Found my self alone ......

My Letter To Him

Hidden Beauty - written by M.F.

The world is wearing a mask today

She's all dressed up in anxiety and paint

I'm sitting, waiting for the rain

To wash the mind away

And maybe in darkness there's a beauty

Maybe the kind that doesn't fade

And maybe with light comes the duty

To burn 'til the last eyes turn away

But my muse is hiding her face today

She's disguised in the tides that obey cruel fate

Who simply recede, with their fingers at the nape

Of her neck, I confess, there's something forgotten

Something long lost that

Still resides, right where we misplaced it

The sky echoes the sentiment

Thick and thunderous with discontent

Blindingly screaming at split-seconds

Where we trafficked our dreams across these sands

I was there when the fire was lit

Bare and waiting for you to notice

The space in this world where we might fit

A thousand poems into a moment unspoken

I'm still writing them

Still deciphering the impact

Where the sand is glassed and cratered

And charged with your scent

Where my heart was steady and sure

Even if my eyes couldn't see it

But the world is wearing a mask today

Something's somehow different

And I can feel the last few waves

Encroaching upon my skin

And I know in this night, there's beauty

I've tasted it, been regaled with tales

Of how so many have wasted it

I refuse to be the sum of them

Refuse to let the world sink in

I'll be the waves that crash on the rocks

Before I'll be the current running from them

I'll be the rain that frees you from the thought

That any dream should remain hidden

I'll wash away your mask today, show your face

That you'll know you never needed to go

And paint over it.

The I Can

There's a stack of books

Empty pages 

I read line for line 

Empty . 

It tells me everything . 

Run far , as far as you can tell 

I write the story behind your eyes 

As you stare from across the room 

I grab at everything in between 

In desperation 

I throw your library in a fire 

A concentration camp of anger 

Let me re write your story . 

As you kiss me 

This trail of gasoline 

It's everything 

To be afraid 

Of what they always said you couldn't be 

Let me show you the way 

I'll come a thousand miles 

As you stare from across the room 

With all the regrets and I'm sorry's 

Let's make it more 

Re write the story 

You were always meant to be 

Corners

There's words that fall through cracks 

And sounds that no one can find 

And a sheer panick of lost hope 

My stomach aches I feel empty inside 

There is nothing that can save me this time 

I can't love hard enough 

Or hope enough 

Or have faith 

I'm just lost 

With out a song 

No piano plays 

It's just silent 

Endings

He looked me in the eye 

Asked if I was going to cry 

It took everything in me 

Not to fall apart in his arms 

Beg him not to go 

But I knew he wanted to 

So I had to sit in dead silence 

The Great Loss

What can you say about loss 

Beating heart 

Streaming tears 

One love 

One life 

One instant 

Gone 

Death 

The Answer

Telegraphs are written through smiles 

Across cold rooms 

Becoming warm and emptied out places 

 

Made of fabric woven from memory 

Stretched beyond pain and fear 

It interferes with the picture we want to create 

So we wonder how do we cut that away 

There's a time table to death 

A millisecond until it all ends 

I refuse to live life in a coffin 

Every nail bent 

I can tell you the secret 

If you come close 

It's called equal value 

Back and forth 

Continually working at something 

If it's not equal 

Then find fifty plus fifty 

And it ain't ice cream 

If you know what I mean 

Code

I think a writers code 

Is written only for the elite 

Who can read the Braille of the soul of her pen 

And those who can comprehend her 

And seek her 

Get to sleep in the belly of her heart 

Picasso (1)

Writing mends broken beauty 

Like port holes into stained glass windows 

Making ashes to hearts again 

Setting fire to the past 

So let's breathe 

I walk on the water 

Trying not to drowned 

My enemies try to distract me 

Mocking me

I laugh 

There bellies full of guile 

My path may be unsure 

But I'm moving forward

I catch the first train 

To where ever holds my dreams 

If it isn't this 

It will be that 

But it goes on 

It's a canvas 

Life's drawn in 

Wish I could paint it in ahead 

Call me Picasso 

But I'm just the writer instead 

Notes

Strangers pass 

Nodding morning gestures 

I congratulate them with a smile 

Every hello a tourniquet  

For today's wounds 

Chasing Alice (1)

I found my self in wonderland 

Don't want my feet to hit the ground 

Is it real or is it pretend 

No turning back now 

There's a hallway I'm lost in 

Not a door to open 

Not a road to drive on 

I'm running still 

Hold my hand 

I'm upside down 

I'm falling apart 

I'm put together 

I'm sitting at the table 

There's no turning back now 

Hold my hand 

I'm lost 

I'm found 

I'll survive 

I hope your the door 

I climb in 

I hope your the bread 

makes me small 

And down we go 

To chase our dreams 

I found my self in wonderland 

Don't want my feet to hit the ground 

Come with me 

 

Station - love this poem not by me

A moment

I want to be hidden in you 

Where only I can see 

A special place just for me 

I want you to be hidden in me 

Just for you 

Where only  you can see

The Hunt

There's a calm below the surface 

Everything is held together by needles and thread 

I walk amongst a busy crowd 

Yet she's alone and the world is quiet 

I hear them whispering my name 

Which way to go 

I keep moving forward 

I'm not here to convince you 

It's you who should be convincing me 

I'm not chasing the treasure chest 

There's a map 

And an X to the gold I acquire 

It's here for the taking 

If you 

Take it 

So I rest 

And wait 

For your voice 

And your words to bring me home 

To your arms 

And I ask you 

To save me with your smile 

Surprise me 

Hero 

With your devilish smile and your cape 

Christina perri - arms

Xerox

There's the surface we climb on 

Speaking to without explaining 

There's us , just happening 

Like a whisper and a passer passing by 

Waiting for an on coming train

There's just a chance 

One chance 

I'm not a beggar 

I'm just asking you 

Not to say good bye

If anything 

It's your eyes 

Your words 

Your smile 

You 

Me 

Can't be copied 

Grace

I thought about her today 

As cotton candy and peaches 

Conversation runs like Peter Pan 

And the wisdom of important chatter fills the room 

There's a smile in her that hugs my brokenness 

And her song puts my lost dreams to sleep 

Her breath breaks my skin 

And I want to save her from everything 

Intent

There's a fabric between finger prints 

In the dark they lie quiet on your skin 

Scarlet letter drawn in black pen . 

There's a ghost 

Your shadow 

Keeps her alive when your gone . 

Pushing a smile above the surface 

Capturing her grace 

I'm fixated on this canvas 

He is the picture I can't finish . 

I've got every paint . 

There's something to a forest 

You get lost in 

I fall asleep in

It's midnight 

If I could feel it 

If I could hold it 

If I could paint my finger prints 

Down your spine 

Asleep in the fog 

Trying to finish what I started 

 

The date is going to expire 

As she's left on the shelf 

So I write this letter to myself 

Empty pen 

To hold 

Him again 

Secret

We're stretched out soldiers 

Running amongst the city 

I know your secret 

You don't have to tell me 

The tide is getting stronger 

To take me away 

From you 

What you want 

You have to reach for 

We're stretched out soldiers 

One word 

Makes all the difference 

No need to whisper 

Before I'm taken away 

If only .

Life piles on the sink 

Like old bills and cold coffee 

The radio plays telling me  a story 

Of a missed life 

I hum to the sound of regret 

And make believe things can change 

It's all I ever wanted 

Magic . 

Life lesson #100

Never believe what people say unless there words are based on results . If there's no results words mean nothing . 

- Amy 's wisdom for today 

Atlas

Puzzles fall together on an atlas 

Some what shifted and unput together 

Cordanence is genuine 

It moves like a needle through skin 

Like being lost between here and a thousand oceans 

And a black hand shake good bye 

Grim reaper smiles at the funeral 

And she cries ... 

White Flag

You gave me courage

I'm fighting 

But it's been so long 

Your not here 

I think it's time 

I 

Let go 

Collide-scope

Tides wash away pictures 

Painted on iris lense 

Distorting my sight , causing bruises 

The lining of my conciseness breaking the frame 

Words congest the mouth 

Not even hearing what is said 

I'm clouded in places where time is standing still . 

And I can't escape it 

I can't lose it 

I write every moment left on this letter 

Grasping at what's left 

Like sand in an hour glass 

Moving quickly yet 

Never fading 

It's under these lines 

Where you live 

I lay in my bed 

Distorted dreams 

I find your smile in 

It's midnight 

I can't sleep 

The band plays a symphony 

I'm writing these letters to you 

There's something to a theif 

Who holds my voice 

I am silent 

And she writes 

I can't hear a word they say 

I'm frozen in time 

Where you are still alive 

Under these lines 

You live 

Listening : nine inch nails ghost 1 -1 

Saturday 7-5-2014

It's Saturday almost noon . It's warm outside , the dealership is cold . Cold in it's comings and goings . I'm sitting here on a plush brown leather chair , wishing I was laying on white sandy beach in Carlsbad . I also day dream about my lost love . An how I wish he would walk through these doors and give me a warm hug , and make my life back to where it was . Not that my life isn't good I'm moving forward , it's just different .

Different without my rock . 

So here I am sitting on this leather chair , watching the door ...

Enemy Ground

The wicked hold there place 

I try my response in laughter 

You build kingdoms that fall 

I'm left standing 

I leave a message for the blind 

With a voice that binds 

Old pages and empty lines 

You wouldn't even hear her cries 

For it's the cry of the evil 

I bear 

And mend 

Anger meets me at the door 

I know these transgressions well 

Just because I know 

Dosent mean I'm the mat on your floor 

They say , " she's a stupid girl " 

I say , they seen nothin yet . 

Mock me. ? 

It's your trial and your jury 

Hanging your head on a rope 

Who will you call ? 

I leave now 

Mask off 

Door open 

Leave behind the guile 

I am an angel 

Amongst the hell and fire 

No matter how hard they try 

They can't beat me 

There anger my strength 

There hate my motivation 

I'm walking , with my smile on . 

The Real Race

In loss

In this loss 

I can't take another day 

Gripping steering wheel 

Music loud 

Can't let go 

I try 

I just 

Can't 

Dear Diary

Next week I will begin a new journey , a new job . I'm pushing forward through a wave . All odds on my strength . I'm running full force , can't stop to think about this journey the past few months. . So much change . A lot of mending , and a whole new destiny . And holding on to hope and love , to get me through . 

Post War (1)

There's a storm breaking 

I drive 

I'm suffocating 

You are the air 

I don't know how 

I don't know where I belong 

I'm lost 

The atmosphere now gone . 

Disguised

Lend me your ears 

The beggars hold their cups 

I'm the walking dead 

A skeleton brittle boned fear 

There's a game 

Fuck you and your pretension

I am left to erase reality 

Filling the cracks with empty space 

I'm scratching at the surface 

Of the air you breathe 

I'm calling 

The world is listening 

It's my avenue 

Trudging dark streets 

A starless sky 

It's black 

As I carve my Braille words 

On your eyes .....

Lend me your ears 

I'm a travesty 

And the beggar holds his cup 

I spit on the ground 

You walk on by 

Tossing your change on the ground . 

Cost of War

There's a cost to war 

When your gun is warm 

Half dead and half won 

There's an army under my chest 

Medal constitution 

No regret 

The black clouds suggest going back 

But I have come to far 

In this bullet proof vest 

My eyes tell a story 

Poker face conversation 

And the piano is playing louder 

At all my mistakes 

I laugh at this soldier 

In the dark I need no compass 

To find the shore 

Swords dull 

I don't need much 

To win 

I'm still standing 

We're the willing and departing 

It's my ocean 

I'm brave 

I'm broken 

I'm writing from the hull 

Stronger than I ever was before 

You haunt me 

You haunt me 

There's a cost to war 

Gun is warm 

Half dead and half won 

We go on ....

Rain Fall

There's a masquerade 

Tempting fate 

Clutching cupids broken arrow 

There must be some mistake 

He says 

I'm worn by the storm 

I sit and feel the rain fall 

An it's all about to fall away 

I'm standing in front of the clouds 

Closing this door 

To yesterday